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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Original poster

Normal or do I need help?

102 replies

madeuplovesong44 · 15/02/2015 08:04

I gave birth to twins three weeks ago and already have two children 21 months and 6. I feel really lucky to have four beautiful kids but I'm starting to worry that I just can't cope.

I have a diagnosis of bipolar and have been sectioned many times in the past so I am wary of telling the truth of what is going on in my head in case people over react.

The twins feed every hour through the night so I am exhausted. The house is a tip and I have no time for my big two. I feel trapped and overwhelmed and my life is going to be a permanent struggle. I'm not sure I am good enough for my children.

I feel extremely anxious about the babies. I see extremely distressing scenes play out in my head where they get hurt. I'm frightened to leave them.

As I write this I know it's perhaps not normal but I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 21/02/2015 17:50

Comeagain I have been given a double electric pump but I haven't found time to start expressing. Know I can't sustain the current routine though. Would love half an hour to myself

OP posts:
Ennn · 21/02/2015 18:11

Yes fresh air and a change of scenery is really nice Smile

comeagainforbigfudge · 21/02/2015 18:26

Oh fresh air always helps

Glad husband knows he needs to help more!

I hope you manage to find some time to express OR get half an hour to self!

At least long enough to have a completely undisturbed soak in bath (heaven)

Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 22/02/2015 08:43

Husband goes back to work tomorrow, am terrified. Another rough night and a morning of soft play hell ahead doesn't help. Got to try and tell myself i am coping!!

Hope you are both having a more relaxing Sunday.

OP posts:
comeagainforbigfudge · 22/02/2015 16:18

Afternoon, how was soft play?

Aw madeup I was hoping you'd cracked it and had slept a little!

How's your wound looking? Is the infection clearing up any?

As for tomorrow. Get hubby to set you up with changing supplies in living room, with loads of nice snacks for all of you, get him to organise a pile of games/distractions for elder two. But make sure he does it tonight.

And that he knows from now on must come home on time and get older two fed and ready for bed etc.

Most importantly, YOU CAN DO THIS!!

BrewCake to fortify yourself

Ennn · 23/02/2015 06:39

Hope you got some sleep last night madeup. I had a nice Sunday, thanks - had a takeaway Smile

Good luck for today - I hope it goes well now your DH is back at work. You are coping, amazingly, or so it seems to me. But if you start to struggle please get in touch with your CPN/MH people. Flowers

Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 23/02/2015 10:33

Well everyone is clean and fed and my eldest is at school on time...so far so good.

We had a rubbish night again so hubby was in a mega rush this morning, weren't organised to arrange snacks and toys but think it's a good idea for future.

Think my infection is clearing up but still got a long way to go in terms of healing. Don't feel myself at all. Was back to running 1 week postnatally with the other two. Can barely get up the stairs now!!

Oh and soft play is the largest one in UK...stuff of nightmares!!

OP posts:
comeagainforbigfudge · 23/02/2015 14:40

God. That's amazing! I'm aware this may sound patronising, but I'm so impressed with your organisational skills on very little sleep.

Fabulous job! Hope today has been ok so far!

that soft play sounds like hell on earth

Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 23/02/2015 16:08

Starting to feel tired now and not managed to get my toddler to nap so she is in a right grump. Otherwise today hasn't been too bad. Think I need to lower my expectations about what I can get done and this first six months has to be about survival. Just picking my son up on time was a military operation, sling and double buggy!!

OP posts:
Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 23/02/2015 18:17

Everyone fed and bathed and hubby home, phew!!!

OP posts:
Ennn · 23/02/2015 18:19

Round of applause for made up Smile Any chance of a nap while your DH watches the kids?

comeagainforbigfudge · 23/02/2015 18:22

Oft! You done well today madeup.

I've barely made it from bed to sofa. And I was just working a night shift!

Lowering expectations is a good way to look at it. I always start by thinking of what I think is an achievable goal. Everything above that is a massive bonus Smile

Anyway time for Brew and Cake now. You deserve it!

Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 23/02/2015 18:22

Thanks Ennn. I'm in bed feeding both babies so no naps but I think I will be going to sleep as soon as all the kids close their eyes!!

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PotteringAlong · 23/02/2015 18:35

Just read this through - was rooting for you for today until the end if the thread and so chuffed to read it went well! Go you!

My sister has twins and she has a volunteer from home serve (home start?) who came once a week when they were small so she could sleep / shower / sit in a different room. Might be worth asking if there is something similar in your area?

PotteringAlong · 23/02/2015 18:36

www.home-start.org.uk

Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 28/02/2015 03:41

Thank you pottering, I have sent my local sure start an email.

I am so tired I just want to sleep so badly.

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FranTan · 01/03/2015 07:51

Hello madeup

I have just read your thread and I hope you don't mind me asking how you are doing now?

Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 01/03/2015 20:41

Thanks fran.

I'm ok. Some days are harder than others. Feel less teary but quite anxious. Not happy with anyone holding the twins and struggling to go out with them.

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FranTan · 01/03/2015 22:13

Madeup, although I don't have experience of BPD and 4 DCs, I did experience mental health problems following the birth of both my DCs- PND and post natal anxiety respectively. I went into a mother and baby unit with DC1, such was my extent of my depression. I had intrusive thoughts and thought I would go mad with the crippling anxiety and exhaustion. I mention this to show I might have a rough idea of how you might be feeling right now.

I too wanted nobody near my DCs and I was obsessed with the idea they would be harmed in some way. I also didn't want to go out.

what helped me, besides the unit, was meds and asking for help, both professionally and from family when I needed some sleep. I was also honest about how I was feeling. To hell with stiff upper lip; I needed help desperately as I was sinking fast!

I would like you to know that you're not alone and am here if you would like a chat.

Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 03/03/2015 19:15

Thank you so much for sharing that, it's hugely comforting to know someone has got through it.

Having a really shitty day today, 2 very unsettled babies and 2 pain in the backside kids. I can't cope.

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FranTan · 03/03/2015 21:08

Sorry to hear that. Has anything changed for you - sleep improved at all? Any follow up from professionals? DH allowing you to get some time alone?
Your twins must be about 6 weeks now? My experience is that at that age they can be very unsettled. My first DS had colic and didn't we know it. Neither of mine were sleepers and both had to be trained at a later stage. It seems never ending doesn't it. But it will get better, it's just a fucking awful time. And I bet you are coping. It sounds like you were realising that expectations should be lowered and I second that.

How are your thoughts/mood?

FranTan · 03/03/2015 21:22

Just remembered something. ...when I was discharged from the mother and baby unit, Banardos were a great help to me. I was referred by my hv for some support at home. It was a short term measure until the proper crazy period passed, but it was a godsend.

comeagainforbigfudge · 07/03/2015 10:43

How you doing madeup?

You starting to have more good days than bad ones?

I hope so Flowers

Original poster
madeuplovesong44 · 08/03/2015 20:25

Thanks again for sharing your experiences fran. Yes the twins are six weeks and are mor demanding than a month ago. They are awake more and more which is lovely but just exhausting.

I still have my head above water and am trying my best to stay positive. Have a lot of anxiety and strange thoughts around the babies but I think if I can just get more sleep they will hopefully subside.

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BlazePascale · 31/03/2015 07:49

Hi madeup, I've sent you a longer private message and thought I'd post a few bits of it on here in case it's of use to other people in similar circumstances. My twins are now almost 7 and we're thriving, but we went through seriously dark times in the early days just like you - struggling massively with the sleep deprivation and that hormone-induced overwhelming paranoia of something happening to the kids. I asked and got help on Mumsnet just like you. Thanks to Mumsnetters I learnt how to get through it one day at a time, as we used to say, "just keep putting one foot in front of the other".

Some of the things that helped me were:

  • an amazing book "Surviving Postnatal Depression" by Cara Aiken, which a Mumsnetter posted to me in my darkest hour
  • getting emotional support and practical advice from a twin doula and twin breastfeeding adviser
  • continuously asking on Mumsnet "is this normal??" like you did, to get support
  • total focus on getting sleep, at expense of everything else
  • using the Gina Ford and Alice Beer book on twins to get the little ones into a routine feeding every three hours and sleeping in between, which totally worked (strict routine wasn't what I wanted to do initially but hey, whatever works and gets you through, this is how I got my precious sleep and stayed on a level)
  • online guided meditation to reduce the stress and feel less alone listening to a soothing voice
  • knowing that others had gone through the same as me and worse and survived
  • knowing it wasn't me doing anything wrong and knowing it was going to get better!

Anyway I hope some of that might be useful to you too. Check out my old posts if it helps, I used to post under PazzaPlusTwo. Got so much great advice from other mums of multiples on the "D'y ever..." threads, and plenty of laughs which definitely helped too!

Cheers then, big hugs and wishing you all the best,

Pascale