Normal or do I need help?

[madeuplovesong44]

I gave birth to twins three weeks ago and already have two children 21 months and 6. I feel really lucky to have four beautiful kids but I'm starting to worry that I just can't cope.

I have a diagnosis of bipolar and have been sectioned many times in the past so I am wary of telling the truth of what is going on in my head in case people over react.

The twins feed every hour through the night so I am exhausted. The house is a tip and I have no time for my big two. I feel trapped and overwhelmed and my life is going to be a permanent struggle. I'm not sure I am good enough for my children.

I feel extremely anxious about the babies. I see extremely distressing scenes play out in my head where they get hurt. I'm frightened to leave them.

As I write this I know it's perhaps not normal but I don't know what to do.

How's everyone today? Hope you all got some sleep

Thank you.

Had to take one of the twins to doctors late last night as she has a horrible cough. He offered to admit her to hospital for observation as she was going a bit blue but I decided if it was just for observations she is better off at home. Seems a bit better today.

It's so frightening as she is so small so have watched her breathe most of the night. Been so worried not had much time for anything else. Fortunately her sister so far has avoided it.

More visitors this afternoon and tomorrow. Am hoping once that finally settles down we might get a routine and I can nap and eat biscuits and not worry about the house.

Hope you are both well x

Oh the poor little thing Sod the house!

I'm well thanks

I hope her sister stays well too.

Aw poor wee lamb!

Hope she's doing better now.

and that you get some rest tonight. You as well Ennn

Thanks fudge Am also sending good sleepy vibes to OP and mini-OPs.

Littlest twin still not very well, think we may end up in hospital. Despite this all blooming 6 visitors stayed from 2-6.30, thought they may never leave!

Husband is off out over night with his friends tomorrow. Reinforces how our arrivals don't change his life in the same way.

Trying to stay positive.

Oh madeup. Trust your instincts. If little one still not well just get to hospital. Take no chances

AND tell you husband all nights out are off until baby (and you) are better.

Sodding nights oot!! My partner has been told that after his birthday he will have no more nights out on the razz. he's not to be a hermit but no drinking til baby's here and all is well. If I can't still, he can't. stomps off in a huff, not solely related to having to go to work after 2 weeks off sorry tangent!!

Hope you got some rest?

Sorry I wasn't around last night madeup. I really hope your DD doesn't need to go into hospital; it sounds stressful.

Can't believe your husband intends to piss off overnight leaving you to deal with four small children, one of whom is sick. I'm actually quite angry on your behalf as you're vulnerable at the moment and your poor DD is ill too.

That's ok Ennn, hope you were getting some rest!

I'm not bothered that he is going out, he isn't able to help through the night anyway. I think my big two are going to grandparents for the night. I just feel like I'm worrying about our youngest on my own. It was so scary seeing her go a horrible colour when she can't breathe. She does seem a bit better now.

Maybe it's selfish to even be thinking about it when my baby is poorly but my post twin body is such a mess. I've put on so much weight, my stomach is disgusting and I can't fit in my clothes. I feel so ugly I can't stand people looking at me even the kids, I know this is so pathetic.

Think this feels worse as I am so tired!

Think this feels worse as I am so tired!

I think you're probably right.

Am sure nobody is looking at you and thinking how ugly you are. I assumed that the beautiful babies were there at least partly to distract people long enough for your body to recover a bit I don't have kids so don't know anything about this stuff but is there a twins subforum here where you can chat to other people in the same position?

Must be a relief that your DD seems a bit better. The other one hasn't shown signs of catching it has she?

Well I am in on my own with them now, really hope it's going to be ok. I am so tired.

You'll do great.

Not feeling good at all. I can't do this. Feel really panicky. Want to escape.

What do you like to do to chill out?

I would say your thought are normal but yes you do need help. I had similar anxieties after ds2 and told my health visitor. She reassured me it was common but suggested i speak to the gp. So font feel you are alone with these thoughts. However, with 4 young children and a long term mental health issue it would be wise to ask for help. You sound lovely and like a great mum, but we all need help at times.

Just looking through photos of my gorgeous family. There is no way I want to hurt them or leave them_ I love my children so so much. Why am I plagued with thoughts of suicide? It's been going over and over in my head since my husband left.

Could it be a kind of mental habit that formed when you didn't have those things to live for, so your mind travels down that track almost automatically? Like when you move house and drive home on autopilot to the wrong house?

Can't get either of the girls to settle. This is too hard.

Aww made up. My dd has just settled after screaming for an hour solid.

Can you snuggle them both in bed with you? I found feeding in bed a great relief in the early days.

I'm scared of having them in the bed. They are both squawking in the cot, clean and fed. I don't know what to do.

Hey made up. How'd the rest of your night go?

Glad wee one is feeling better.

I'm so worried about you though.

Do you think you can express enough milk for both so that your (d)h or parents can take over for a few hours? Can any of your friends come round?

Maybe get them changing nappies and settling babies whilst you just feed them?

You must be so miserable. Where abouts in country are you?

Hi madeup - sorry I haven't been around at night (I dropped off my high).

How long until your DP is back?

He is back home now, hungover but trying not to show it!

Ennn do you enjoy being on a high? The first few weeks are always amazing for me!

I had a lovely two month high last autumn - got so much done! Was followed by a depression. My first proper sustained pure high (previous ones were always nasty and dark, or only lasted a couple of days just before a big depression). The ones I'm getting at the moment are only a week or two long, though - hardly long enough to get going on anything . I think that was my third since starting on the AD before Christmas. But yes, they're lovely.

Is your DP attempting to make himself useful despite the hangover?

My last high resulted in falling pregnant with the twins!! I do love the feeling but it always ends in disaster!

Been out to the park this afternoon so feeling a bit brighter for some fresh air. Husband knows he needs to be helpful or there will be hell on.