Is this just standard or do I ned to talk to someone?

[MakesCakesWhenStressed]

Had hoped for a natural birth, did hypno course, booked in at the midwife unit but then everything went wrong, my waters broke before cx could get established, spent 12 hours on syntocinon and only dilated to 2cm before I had to ask for pain relief, then hoped I could still deliver naturally on the epidural, but couldn't get past 8cm w/o more syntocinon which was distressing baby. En ded up with emcs and then the day we were due to be discharged we were just about to go when I thought baby was a bit hot and got them to check his temp and then they rushed him down to scbu and we were in hospital until today. A eek after my waters first went.

I feel so distressef. I know hormonal blues are due at this point, but I feel like i'm grieving for the birth I wanted and all the future ones which will never be what I hoped. I feel so biter about the women on my ante natal thread who managed the birth they wanted and the fact that because of the cs my baby got sick, do we had to supplement with formula and i'm in pain and can't do anything that I had planed on doing and i'm just crying and crying.

Is this just normal? will it go away? I don't want to feel like this

Nearly 1 month on and i'm still getting flash backs, doubting myself and the decisions that were made and having very emotional responses to things that are out of all proportion.
Worst of all are my feelings about possible future pregnancy/birth. I thought I'd be feeling better by now, but after a brief upswing i'm now feeling almost as bad as ever...

it sounds like you've been through a lot - seems totally understandable that you feel the way you do. i can relate to feeling a kind of grief over a birth experience that went awry, although neither of my births were as complicated as yours.

the early days are such such hard work with a baby and with the trauma of your birth it's no wonder you feel overwhelmed. lack of sleep really takes its toll as well.

give yourself time to get your head around this. talk to someone if you think it will help and don't be hard on yourself. there'll be up days and down days but you won't feel like this forever.