To be irritated by my parents always expecting dinner?

Just because they are your parents doesn’t entitle them to take the piss!

Inviting them to dinner is one thing but your parents expecting a meal is another.

You need to start telling them it’s not convenient for them to pop over sometimes.

OP, you sound very generous and kind and forgiving of parents that sound really awful.

Your mother in particular sounds like a mean ugly woman.

In your place I can't believe you can bear to be in such smothering contact with them.

Eating at yours 3 times a week without being invited and just imposing on you?

Mean, rude, uncouth.

In my long experience the good parents during childhood tend to be considerate in adulthood.

Those that were less than theybshould have been are usually the most entitled.

You have a lot of FOG going on, fear obligation and guilt.

The Stately homes thread on MN is a place of great support.

Less likely to come across the nasty posting that you got on here from some.

You have resentment for your parents and I am not one bit surprised.

You also need to assert yourself to your MIL.
She has no business bad mouthing your parents and I would tell her that.
If YOU want, that is YOUR business but she has no business saying anything.
I would be communicating that to your husband. He can bitchbto his mother about your parents, but you don't want to hear it back.

I think you would benefit enormously with some counselling for yourself.

You have had a very challenging childhood with pretty unpleasant parents, it would do you good tobtalk about it.

I also think you could do with seeing a LOT less of them.

It's not good to feel used and your CF parents are absolute users.

You need to get comfortable saying No to them.

You have nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever.

You know they are users and your self respect and gut are screaming at you to assert your boundaries.

Don't ignore how you are feeling.

When they turn up I think you just have to say not tonight, we’ve got stuff on I’m afraid. Or give them a cup of tea but say you’re not able to do dinner tonight, not enough in but we’ll see you another time. Do not let them make you feel guilty

This sounds very frustrating and it won't change without you saying something, your parents are clearly happy with the current arrangement.

Why do your parents 'drop in' so often? Wouldn't it make more sense that they come to your house once a week for dinner and you go to theirs once a week for dinner? That way it's reciprocated and you know how much food to have in?

I'd just tell them that it's easier for you to plan your week with work and the kids etc if you know what you're doing and the drop ins aren't working for you, would they be happy doing the above

Whether they were amazing parents or not you're not obligated to feed them as you have been. It's like they decide they can't be bothered to cook so they'll pop in and eat at yours! Shocking behaviour

Not everyone has the type of relationship with parents where they can say that they can't afford to keep feeding extra adults. By the sounds of it OP's parents consider OP wealthy so fine to be sponged off. Any pleas of needing to live to a budget will fall on deaf ears.

The only way to deal with this is by stopping making food available. 'Sorry, only got enough for the kids and us, you should have said you were expecting to have dinner'.

In my family any suggestion to DM of not being able to afford something would be immediately fed back to eldest DB. DB would then deliver a homily, via DM, on living frugally. DB is very convinced that anyone who is short of money is frittering it on something. If delivered in person the homily comes through a cloud of cigarette smoke. No, he doesn't see the irony!

People, even family members, who show up uninvited, expecting to be provided an entire free meal at the drop of a hat, are not precisely "guests." Freeloaders, certainly. Bullies, perhaps. Manipulators, possibly. Guests? Not exactly. Just because someone invites themselves into my house just as I am about to pop my last birthday chocolate in my mouth doesn't mean I have to practically remove it from my lips and give it to them.

So tell him to shut up.

I like the suggestion of switching your meal to beans and rice every time they appear for dinner. Flavorless beans and rice should work. It could be tricky at the start, as your kids will be expecting whatever nice dinner you were planning to prepare. But after a few weeks of this, hopefully you'll wean your parents off of expecting a slap-up fancy free meal on a three-x-per-week basis.

I was about to ask if you ever just say, 'Sorry, just going to have dinner now so see you later'. Well done. Think you'll have to do more of that, or 'Nice to see you but it can only be a cup of tea tonight as we've not got enough food in for you as well. How about dinner on Saturday?' or similar.

Lol, what a sweeping statement for complex relationships.

oh my good, they are your parents. They fed you every single day. How can you be so cheap?

Why are you offering them food? It looks like you are taking the bait like a hungry fish. Of course they will say yes, who wouldn't.
If they say, oh, smells nice, just say thank you and don't offer. They need to take the hint.

No, we aren't that sort of family.

Absolutely. So would some on MN believe.

Gosh, sarcasm doesn’t translate well. I was being facetious in reaction to some sanctimonious comments here.

Of course it is fine to complain about your parents. Nobody needs to worship them and tread on eggshells simply because they might die one day.

Sounds painful.

The key thing to remember is that youwould autoamputate a limb for your parents. Super.

However, the OP and her parents have a different relationship. So you have no right calling her petty.

Could you just give them something like beans on toast every time? Just say- sorry I haven't got enough of this to go round but I can do you some beans on toast.

For what it's worth OP, I think they are CF.

Why wouldn't they, they are your dps and it's their role

Tell him to mind his own business

Yes, OP. Give all your food to your parents - you, DH and the DC can eat beans on toast (one small tin of beans between you, don't want to appear greedy!) at the same time. Must feed your parents, you've got a lot of meals that they fed you to catch up on!

I'm torn on this one OP as yes they do sound like CFers and that would probably do my head in too. But on the other hand they're your parents and one day they won't be around anymore. My parents have both passed and what I wouldn't give for them to arrive and cheekily expect dinner!

I got what you meant. In fact when I read the first 'I wish my parents were.......' I said 'BINGO'

My parents (with whom I had a good relationship) are both dead and I don't particularly want to have them turn up for dinner again. They're dead. Accept it.

All different aren't we?

OP, I have read all of your posts but not all of the other ones so apologies if someone has already suggested this - I'd really recommend the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.

The key thing is for you to realise that you cannot control or change your parents' behaviour, but you CAN control and change your own.

whilst I’m reheating the leftovers my mum then comes over and is all ‘ohhh, what is that, smells lovely, I’m starving’ I was like, I thought you’d eaten?!’ And she said ‘oh yes we had an avacado with prawns’ wtf?! I said, well that’s hardly a dinner is it? I had a quiche in the fridge so I said ‘well, there’s a quiche in the fridge that I can bung in the oven for you?’ She instantly jumped on it ‘ohhh yes that’d be great.’

In this scenario I'd have done the following:

"whilst I’m reheating the leftovers my mum then comes over and is all ‘ohhh, what is that, smells lovely, I’m starving’ I was like, I thought you’d eaten?!’ And she said ‘oh yes we had an avacado with prawns’ wtf?! I said, 'sounds delicious, excuse us while we have our dinner'"

Stop expecting them to change and then getting annoyed that they haven't. They won't. Start asserting yourself in terms of what you actually want. They can't MAKE you feed them.

Honestly you need to start kicking them out every time as you get ready to prep dinner. Do not ever feed them again unless you invite them for food.

They are clearly big takers. It would be different if they turned up with food to add to dinner or treated you to say take away on some of the evenings they come but they don’t. They just take the piss.