Teachers don't have it as hard as my husband says he does

SOME teachers. I’m a teacher and I love my job. I’ve Just manoeuvred my career so I do more of the bits I like. With ambition and foreword planning, you can make the job less of a grind. I work very hard but no harder than any other professional I know!

Yes being a teacher is incredibly demanding but it doesn’t mean he gets to check out of family life.

I was brought up by a single parent who was a f/t teacher and yes they spent evenings, weekends and holidays marking and planning. I spent many a day playing/reading in their classroom while they set it up for the next term etc.

but they cared for us, did housework etc. it’s tough but it’s doable.

im the same as a social worker…. Stressful, long hours etc etc but I still parent and do housework etc.

. In fact the actual kids wernt the problem and actually the workload of actual teaching time only made up 30% of the actual workload.
The main problem was I could never escape. Never. I was stressing and worrying about being observed and planning assessing and looking for resources from waking to sleeping 7 days a week. For years.

I could have written this about my job but I'm not a teacher 🤷🏼‍♀️

This. ^ Despite what some posters say on here, the vast majority of men are bone idle when it comes to domestic shit, and will rarely lift a finger to help in the house. My DH will, but usually it's only when I ask him. He does a couple of household tasks - of his own accord - on maybe 3 or 4 days out of any given month. Otherwise, yeah, it is when I ask him.

He went on furlough for 4 months in 2020, and was told (in April,) that he would be off for a number of months when they wrote him off on furlough. All he did for the first 2 weeks was sit on his arse watching TV anything from 8 to 10 hours a day, play videogames, and sometimes lie in til midday. Didn't do anything. Didn't even wash a fucking cup!

He comes from a very misogynistic family. A dad born in the early 1930s, and 2 brothers. They all did FUCK ALL in the house - ever. Their mum did everything. He also has several aunts and uncles and 8 cousins. (5 male and 3 female.) In the extended family everything has ALWAYS been done by the women in the family(s.)

Even when DH's mother went out to work when she was in her early 40s (because his dad was a poor provider who spent most of his wages on himself,) she STILL did all the domestic chores, housework, shopping, home admin, and general grunt work. So DH - (in his late 50s) has only this example to go by.

I told him eventually (after a couple of weeks,) that no WAY was he going to sit on his arse for 3 or 4 months or more, on furlough, doing fuck-all whilst I did everything, including working 24 hours a week (I work from home.) He also drove me nuts as I was trying to work, as he wouldn't stop pestering me, and chatting. He was like an attention-seeking toddler.

So I started assigning him tasks to do! He did them, and he does do stuff. When I ASK. Annoying yes, but at least he does do stuff, and doesn't actually moan about it either. He's just so used to it being 'wimmins work' that he doesn't think. He is also quite affable and easy going, and not shouty and rude to his own FAMILY.

@IamwhoIsayIam Your husband sounds dreadful. I would find it hard to stay married to a man like this. Yes, I know MINE is not perfect, but yours sounds way worse.

Name changed for this as it’s incredibly outing!

I teach full-time, have two sets of twins (one from each set is autistic), I go to work all day then look after four kids on my own until their bedtime because my husband works part time from 6:30pm-12:30am. My husband gets the Saturday morning lie in. I get a migraine nap whenever I happen to need one. We share the load. He works less hours, but he does all the mad running around that comes with having small children. I don’t get to claim that I’m hard done by because I’m the teacher in the relationship. Life is tiring for everyone!

You live frugally?? One teachers salary and a second salary double that. You need a book on budgeting. And get a cleaner.

Oh and throw in being forced to complete a PhD while working full time. Non completion meant termination of your contract.

@TheMoops

What job do you do?

I'm a university academic.

What is SO boring is the teacher bashing from people who could easily become teachers if they truly thought it was that easy

Having just read this article I might be a bit more understanding than the pp's.

northwestbylines.co.uk/news/education/beyond-ofsted-a-knight-in-shining-armour/

It’s pretty similar then.

I have thought about going into university level as you get to teach students who want to be there, have fewer behavioural issues and better pay but I can imagine like teaching it’s a lot of work for the amount of pay.

Sounds like he's developed a victim mentality about being a teacher. Its not your fault hes a teacher. He should get a different job, since it sounds like he's over it.

Also might add, I was a teacher and grew increasingly grumpy about unpaid overtime...which I saw impacted negatively on family/ DP, so I left.

That doesn't stop their working conditions being shit

The pity party Teachers throw themselves is SO boring. Nobody forces them to do that job.

No, nobody forces them to. But the country needs a lot of teachers and it doesn't have enough. It's all very well dismissing the 'pity party' as whinging, but the recruitment and retention figures tell a different story. The things teachers are whinging about are the things that are preventing children from having well-qualified subject-specialist teachers in front of their classes. Sorry if that's boring.

I have thought about going into university level as you get to teach students who want to be there, have fewer behavioural issues and better pay but I can imagine like teaching it’s a lot of work for the amount of pay.

Actually UG teaching can be very similar to teaching in secondary schools in some respects(depends on the course/university of course) as we've seen a huge increase behavioural issues. Plus students now see themselves as customers which adds a new dynamic.

In addition to the teaching there is the pressure to recruit students to your course - if you don't get enough students, your course will be closed and you lose your job.
Then there's the pressure of research, publishing and income generation. Failure to publish regularly or bring in research income will mean you lose your job.

I can't remember the last time I managed to use all my annual leave allocation.

But is it more stressful that other jobs? Probably not.... it's just different.

You're absolutely right. No one is forced to do it and a significant proportion or the workforce are realising that and leaving for other, easier jobs. Fewer and fewer new recruits are entering the profession too.
Can you see a problem?

Your husband is the problem not his profession. Perhaps if he hates his job that is the problem but that's still not the job per se. Like you I work 4 day weeks and earn more than double my husband's income. However similarly like you my day off is not a day off. I often have work tasks I still complete that day and I look after the kids and house that day too. I never get a lie in. Weekends I look after the kids pretty much myself (but my husband is renovating else we would split) and in the weeks as soon as I finish work I am splitting house/ kids with my husband until bedtime and beyond when they wake. So if I can manage to hold down all of that your husband could. And I dont have a 9-5 either, my job is very demanding and likely more additional hours than your husband. I'm sure he isnt prepping until 4am frequently or up at 4am to start work around the kids before also doing a full day of work.

Relevant.

You can live frugally and be a high earner. OP may be saving loads. I personally put loads into my pension as I'm worried about old age so I dont actually use anywhere near our joint household income. Earning a certain amount doesn't mean frugality. Just as someone can earn little and not be at all frugal.

This is interesting but on this point Plus students now see themselves as customers which adds a new dynamic. it feels as if students have been very poorly serviced as customers over the last few years. Although I can see the dynamic might be changing they do have more to be upset about.

On stresses of different jobs I rarely see private sector on here talking about it but of course there are many - having to deliver so you win new work constantly, the politics of being allocated that work etc

as we've seen a huge increase behavioural issues.

Off thread topic but that makes me so sad. My DS (high ranking uni- kids all have top grades) was shocked by this in lectures he attended. Crisps, drinks, chatting, yawning, texting...

As a side note, btw, school courses can get scrapped too if we can't drum up recruits or Gove and co/ society at large decide the subject is not worthy

An AS will tell you that a lot of money is being ploughed into property.

Teaching can be extremely stressful, exhausting and unpleasant…but, at the same time, I have to come home and just get on with family life.

My day on Friday consisted of starting work at 8.00am and responding to email requests until 8.30am, when my form class arrived. I then taught 2 lessons to year 8, did a hectic break duty, taught 2 year 9 classes, got half an hour for lunch, but had GCSE kids in revising and then taught another year 9 before finishing for the day. All class sizes were between 33 and 40 children. I certainly dealt with numerous behaviour problems, was called the C word and was absolutely desperate for a wee when I got home as I hadn’t had the chance to go all day.
That was actually a really good day with no added meetings or problems to deal with.

So, I can see why he’d WANT to lay in all weekend…but, that’s unrealistic. And actually time cleaning my home at the weekend and spending time with the family clears my mind and relieves the stress ready for the next week. Otherwise surely his weekend is just over and he’s straight back to work.

So, he’s probably telling the truth and is finding the job extremely stressful. But that’s not an excuse to check out of family life. If he hates teaching that much, which is entirely possible and understandable these days, then he really should look for another job. Life is too short.