Page 8 | Parents: if you had one day of your pre children life back, how would you spend it? Please keep it lighthearted

Grommmm · 2023-06-27T18:05:51+00:00

I love my kids, the baby and the toddler. They are beautiful, funny, joyful and life enhancing. But they are also exhausting and consume all our time, money, worry and attention!! Looking back I can’t believe how much freedom, energy and spare cash (relative) we had before we had kids but also that we didn’t really realise what we had and make the most of it before having them. The pandemic was partly to blame for this, as it shut down a lot of opportunities to do things like travel. Oh to have one day, or even half a day a month without my kids and the associated worry and tiredness and with some of the energy and free time I used to have back. Would I write a novel, have a day long bath, learn a new instrument, just spend all day reading in a coffee shop??? What would you do? Caveat - you can’t spent it doing kid-admin or cleaning the house or any sort of catching up - this is a day from your old life when kid-admin didn’t exist and your whole house wasn’t covered in pasta sauce and nappies. Second caveat - I know having kids is a huge privilege and lots of people would give anything to have them. This discussion isn’t about that, hence using childfree not childless. It’s just a lighthearted chat about how even though kids are wonderful, you still give up a lot when you have them and wouldn’t it be nice to get just a little bit of it back occasionally.

AnicecupofBordeaux · 28/06/2023 11:15

OP, I don't have children, you couldn't have been clearer that this was lighthearted and you made me smile. I have a far lesser version of this from when I was freelance and used to have month-long Christmas holidays because my industry shut down in December, so didn't need extra workers (although summer holidays etc were busy). Definitely miss that leisurely run down now!

Original poster

Grommmm · 28/06/2023 11:25

AnicecupofBordeaux · 28/06/2023 11:15

OP, I don't have children, you couldn't have been clearer that this was lighthearted and you made me smile. I have a far lesser version of this from when I was freelance and used to have month-long Christmas holidays because my industry shut down in December, so didn't need extra workers (although summer holidays etc were busy). Definitely miss that leisurely run down now!

Thanks.

I can see that. Tbh I still miss the summer holidays I had as a kid - a tiny part of me still resents not having five weeks off. Especially as I work a lot with European colleagues who somehow do have this, despite nominally still being at work. And I sometimes look at my baby now (lovingly) and think - jeez you don’t know how good you have it - warm breastmilk literally on tap, carried everywhere, everyone cooing over you, you don’t even have to wipe your own arse 💩

OP posts:

Whiskeypowers · 28/06/2023 12:04

STARCATCHER22 · 27/06/2023 21:30

Christ. Now the childfree can’t even dislike children as much as parents do 😂😂😂😂

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That’s correct
off you fuck to the back of the queue 😂

FreddiesTeeth · 28/06/2023 12:07

I'd spend it shagging with my pre children body.
I'd take photos (no digital cameras back then) of my pre child self.
Then do more shagging.😁

Nooneknowswhatgoesonbehindcloseddoors · 28/06/2023 12:45

ThisIsACoolUserName · 28/06/2023 08:38

If women who dont want children were asked what they would do if they had to spend one day with them

Not the point of the thread, but I'm trying to think what I'd do with this day! It's tricky.
I don't stick rigidly to my 'adult' box, so still do whatever child-like activities take my fancy. For instance, I still go rock-pooling on holiday, and on a recent trip to the seaside I forced my DH to go crabbing with me (I'm 39!) ! I also spend a lot of time in parks already because I have a dog.
Maybe I'd take a child to one of those ice cream parlours, that I've never stepped foot in, to see their joy at eating a really huge, disgusting ice cream!

But don't most child free people get to do that anyway? I have had many days out alone with friends' kids and nieces and nephews etc. I loved when one of these children was a baby wheeling them around in their pram in the park and getting all the compliments as people assumed I was their mum. And then I safely handed them back to their parents and went back to enjoying my child free life.

I am sorry if you are not close to any children to be able to do this. It really has been a great joy in my life to do that.

justme2022 · 28/06/2023 12:53

FreddiesTeeth · 28/06/2023 12:07

I'd spend it shagging with my pre children body.
I'd take photos (no digital cameras back then) of my pre child self.
Then do more shagging.😁

I've changed my mind. Bollocks to the book I was going to finish reading. This sounds like a much better way to spend a day 😂

FreddiesTeeth · 28/06/2023 13:02

Books can wait IME 😁

EmeraldFox · 28/06/2023 13:09

ThisIsACoolUserName · 28/06/2023 09:42

Yes you enjoyed a period of time where you were not a parent.

You were not a childfree by choice woman who has decided they will never have children, and will therefore live a non-mainstream lifestyle - attracting varying levels of suspicion/pity/derison/jealousy in the process - for the whole of their life.

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It's clear the OP meant people who are childfree then go on to have children later

ThisIsACoolUserName · 28/06/2023 13:16

Nooneknowswhatgoesonbehindcloseddoors · 28/06/2023 12:45

But don't most child free people get to do that anyway? I have had many days out alone with friends' kids and nieces and nephews etc. I loved when one of these children was a baby wheeling them around in their pram in the park and getting all the compliments as people assumed I was their mum. And then I safely handed them back to their parents and went back to enjoying my child free life.

I am sorry if you are not close to any children to be able to do this. It really has been a great joy in my life to do that.

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I never spend time with any kids, no.
I have one nephew who lives overseas.
I can't say it's ever crossed my mind that I'd like to do this and I'm nearly 40!
Good for you though if its something you enjoy.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 28/06/2023 13:18

Buy a horse and land, keep animals and live in the middle of nowhere

SpringleDingle · 28/06/2023 13:23

My DD is 12 and loves spending time with her dad who is a great parent. She is happy with him and I am happy to spend the day without her. It means we really enjoy the weekends we do spend together. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it 😂

LaMaG · 28/06/2023 13:38

Grommmm · 28/06/2023 06:43

@Blankspace4 @ItsNotRocketSalad @BadLad @Catchasingmewithspiders

Why is it though? If you read my actual first post I set it up as a thread for people with kids to talk about things they would do if they had ONE day without them, but with the benefit of hindsight so they’d understand how valuable that ONE day would be to them. It’s about how things like - being able to spend a little in bit of time doing what you want - become more valuable once they are no longer so accessible to you.

That’s not patronising or mean to intentionally or unintentionally childfree people. If I say I’d spend my one day in the bath reading that doesn’t mean I think that’s how childfree people spend all their days and that they don’t have to go to work and do taxes or go on holidays?!? I’ve not said anything about children teaching you the meaning of love or making you a real woman or that life without them is meaningless. Just that life with them is a bit busier and that they eat up a lot of your time, energy and cash.

It’s literally a thread about the little pleasures that become harder to access once you have kids. Why is that so offensive?!? Im genuinely interested

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I see you have had to change your thread name OP. How dare you post a lighthearted thread about parenting on a parenting forum!! So insensitive to non parents who may choose to read this. And using English words too, this offends both non-English speakers and illiterate people. Well, I'm off to try and shut down travel related discussions on the basis that I can't travel due to family commitments.....

IncompleteSenten · 28/06/2023 13:40

Sitting in bed eating biscuits and reading.

Original poster

Grommmm · 28/06/2023 13:44

ThisIsACoolUserName · 28/06/2023 08:38

If women who dont want children were asked what they would do if they had to spend one day with them

Not the point of the thread, but I'm trying to think what I'd do with this day! It's tricky.
I don't stick rigidly to my 'adult' box, so still do whatever child-like activities take my fancy. For instance, I still go rock-pooling on holiday, and on a recent trip to the seaside I forced my DH to go crabbing with me (I'm 39!) ! I also spend a lot of time in parks already because I have a dog.
Maybe I'd take a child to one of those ice cream parlours, that I've never stepped foot in, to see their joy at eating a really huge, disgusting ice cream!

I’ve got a few childfree friends and relatives who’ve merrily told me they are looking forward to my kids being old enough for them to relieve their own childhoods through. Watching Disney films and playing Lego and that sort of thing.

OP posts:

EmeraldFox · 28/06/2023 14:20

Grommmm · 28/06/2023 13:44

I’ve got a few childfree friends and relatives who’ve merrily told me they are looking forward to my kids being old enough for them to relieve their own childhoods through. Watching Disney films and playing Lego and that sort of thing.

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I'm looking forward to playing Lego with my nephews. I am pretty much free of children as DS is 17. He costs a lot but I can do what I like otherwise!

ThisIsACoolUserName · 28/06/2023 14:54

Grommmm · 28/06/2023 13:44

I’ve got a few childfree friends and relatives who’ve merrily told me they are looking forward to my kids being old enough for them to relieve their own childhoods through. Watching Disney films and playing Lego and that sort of thing.

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They ought to just get themselves a lego kit! I have a dolls house 🤷🏼‍♀️
A lot of this way of thinking is a bit lost on me - I just do what brings me joy and don't needs kids to enable it.
Good for your friends though.

EmeraldFox · 28/06/2023 14:59

ThisIsACoolUserName · 28/06/2023 14:54

They ought to just get themselves a lego kit! I have a dolls house 🤷🏼‍♀️
A lot of this way of thinking is a bit lost on me - I just do what brings me joy and don't needs kids to enable it.
Good for your friends though.

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I don't want to build Lego on my own, definitely not the same for me!

ThisIsACoolUserName · 28/06/2023 15:00

EmeraldFox · 28/06/2023 14:59

I don't want to build Lego on my own, definitely not the same for me!

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Fair enough.

MissTrip82 · 28/06/2023 15:06

My pre-kids life was as a carer to an adult relative. It’s lovely to change baby nappies instead of adult ones. The only time I’ve ever cried from exhaustion was six years before I had a child. I travel more now than I did
then. I don’t miss that life at all.

So tired of other parents whose own lives were free of responsibility and who ‘didn’t know what tired was’ before children assuming everyone was the same.

sammylady37 · 28/06/2023 15:38

*When you're childfree, you think you're busy.

It's only when you have children you realise you weren't in the slightest.*

What utter bollocks, but unfortunately quite representative of the shit that’s frequently posted about childfree people.

EmeraldFox · 28/06/2023 16:44

sammylady37 · 28/06/2023 15:38

*When you're childfree, you think you're busy.

It's only when you have children you realise you weren't in the slightest.*

What utter bollocks, but unfortunately quite representative of the shit that’s frequently posted about childfree people.

It's something that many parents realise imo. Not true for all of course if you were a carer or very busy with something else before children that you then stopped, but for most people adding an extra responsibility means they are busier than when you were free of that responsibility.

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 28/06/2023 17:55

After a party of a saturday night I would love to wake up whenever like we used to.Have lazy coffee and breakfast unhurried then go out for a lovely Sunday pub lunch with a few wines,then go home go to bed with dh for a "nap" (we used to do this all the time it was lovely) then get up about 5 pm and slouch about for the rest of the evening with a few drinks, pringles and picky bits and chocolate. These were our pre child sundays and I miss them. They were the most perfect of days,our sundays.

sammylady37 · 28/06/2023 18:30

EmeraldFox · 28/06/2023 16:44

It's something that many parents realise imo. Not true for all of course if you were a carer or very busy with something else before children that you then stopped, but for most people adding an extra responsibility means they are busier than when you were free of that responsibility.

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Saying you are busier with children is one thing, and nobody is likely to argue that.

saying that childfree people are ‘not in the slightest bit busy’ is quite another thing and demonstrably untrue.

Whiskeypowers · 28/06/2023 18:42

sammylady37 · 28/06/2023 18:30

Saying you are busier with children is one thing, and nobody is likely to argue that.

saying that childfree people are ‘not in the slightest bit busy’ is quite another thing and demonstrably untrue.

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there has been a massive overreaction from some posters on this thread
they knew exactly what the OP meant but just chose to pretend otherwise

sammylady37 · 28/06/2023 18:49

Whiskeypowers · 28/06/2023 18:42

there has been a massive overreaction from some posters on this thread
they knew exactly what the OP meant but just chose to pretend otherwise

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I don’t know why you’ve quoted me here. I didn’t post that comment in reply to the op, it was to a pp who said ^When you're childfree, you think you're busy. It's only when you have children you realise you weren't in the slightest ^