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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Note from MNHQ: please note OP's post @ 19.08 on 22 Jan. The OP has admitted this is a reverse but we are leaving this thread up so they continue to receive advice. Inheritance money - AIBU to be p*ssed off?

546 replies

snoozum · 21/01/2023 02:38

What should my FIL do?
Background: my DH's parents divorced when he was a child, and years later FIL met and married his second wife. Second wife had two small children already, who called FIL "dad", although they were not his by blood. After 25 years of marriage, FIL and his second wife divorced fairly acrimoniously. The divorce courts ruled that FIL and ex-wife #2 must split their assets 50:50, with FIL allowed to keep anything that was his before the marriage. FIL worked extremely hard throughout the marriage and financially contributed massively more, with the ex-wife only working full-time for around 5-6 years. FIL was able to stay in the matrimonial home by paying ex-wife #2 50% of its value. Fast-forward 5 years and ex-wife #2 passed away without a will. The son of ex-wife #2 struggled with her death and so his children (his own wife had died a few years previously) went to live with FIL (their grandfather) temporarily. However, before any inheritance was claimed, the son also died. Ex-wife #2 died with most of the money she received in the divorce, in the bank. The ex-wife #2's daughter, who doesn't have children, has therefore inherited all of ex-wife #2's money, which in reality is pretty much all of my FIL's money. My FIL is now bringing up the grandchildren, therefore my DH and my FIL's thoughts are that the daughter should give all of this money back to FIL. However, she has only given back 50% of it. AIBU to think she should give FIL 100% of it, as it was his money to begin with?

OP posts:
WeepingSomnambulist · 21/01/2023 17:12

snoozum · 21/01/2023 16:53

The grandchildren are 12 and 16. My FIL didn’t think he’d inherit his ex-wife’s money. He just thought that her daughter would return the wealth that was generated by him in the first place.

Show quote history

They had a 25 year marriage. For 25 years, they were a team. That was her money. Not his.
They split assets gained during the marriage 50/50. That is fair, ethical, moral and legal.

It is not his money. What about that are you not getting? It isnt his. He cant get it "back" because that implies it belonged to him. It hasnt belonged to him since their divorce. it is not his.

That money was hers. For her children, who called him dad. That money is for her children and grandchildren. One of her children is dead so his kids get his share. The other is still alive but when she goes, her husband will get her money.

None of that money is his. None of it. You're all fucking disgusting.

Merryoldgoat · 21/01/2023 17:27

What a disgusting thread. You should be ashamed of yourself @snoozum

budgiegirl · 21/01/2023 17:32

He just thought that her daughter would return the wealth that was generated by him in the first place

Why in the world would he think that? The money belonged to her mum. It wasn't a loan to be returned. It was a court ordered divorce settlement. I can't for a moment imagine why he was expecting that back.

I had some sympathy for him at first, it will be hard to bring up children on a pension. But I've lost all sympathy with this last statement - he sounds grabby and a bit delusional.

DaveyJonesLocker · 21/01/2023 17:34

And I bet if his ex wife had won the lottery you'd have no issues with FIL taking half of it in the divorce and your DH inheriting it. There'd be no talk of "handing back wealth generated by exwife".

Its just grabby. On your part and his.

edwinbear · 21/01/2023 17:38

OP you and your FIL/DH need to stop worrying about who is going to inherit the step daughters estate. And start worrying about what will happen when the GC turn 18, realise your FIL has spunked all their inheritance and sue the arse off him. If he’s only got his house ad an asset, the court could very well make him sell it and return their money. Then I guess you and your DH will inherit nothing at all - which is so obviously what this is about.

Bellalalala · 21/01/2023 17:38

Op says he is actually bringing them on ‘pensions’ multiple. No reason to think he is skint.

WeepingSomnambulist · 21/01/2023 17:43

Bellalalala · 21/01/2023 17:38

Op says he is actually bringing them on ‘pensions’ multiple. No reason to think he is skint.

And dont forget he has 100% of his assets from before the 2nd marriage plus his 50% of the 2nd marriage. if there are fighting so hard for the other 50% and calling it "wealth" then it must be quite a sizeable sum.

This man isnt skint.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/01/2023 17:50

edwinbear · 21/01/2023 17:38

OP you and your FIL/DH need to stop worrying about who is going to inherit the step daughters estate. And start worrying about what will happen when the GC turn 18, realise your FIL has spunked all their inheritance and sue the arse off him. If he’s only got his house ad an asset, the court could very well make him sell it and return their money. Then I guess you and your DH will inherit nothing at all - which is so obviously what this is about.

Oh, come on.

KrisAkabusi · 21/01/2023 17:52

My FIL didn’t think he’d inherit his ex-wife’s money. He just thought that her daughter would return the wealth that was generated by him in the first place.

IT IS NO LONGER HIS MONEY! He has no legal or moral right to claim it. Surely after 28 pages of explaining why he and you are wrong, you're beginning to see this!

Boringcookingquestion · 21/01/2023 17:57

Giving the 50% her brother would have inherited was the right thing to do. She’s under no obligation to share. The money she inherited wasn’t your FIL’s, it belonged to her mother.

It doesn’t matter who originally earned it. They were married and had legally merged their finances together.

As far as morals go, in all the years they were married did your FIL do a equal share of household jobs, or did he benefit from her being at home? If he did equal or more housework/cooking/admin etc, then you might have a point… but it was his ex wife’s decision on who to leave her money to, not her daughter’s.

Bellalalala · 21/01/2023 17:59

This statement doesn’t even make sense.

He didn’t think he would inherit the money from the ex wife.

But also thought as she was dead he would get her share of money from the divorce.

If you expect some or all of someone’s assets, because they are dead…you are expecting to inherit from them.

NoSquirrels · 21/01/2023 18:06

Why should her husband inherit wealth created by my FIL?

Because he ‘created’ that wealth whilst married, and subsequently divorced, giving away 50% of the marital assets (wealth) as is standard. He signed, agreed and thus it is no longer ‘his wealth’.

The daughter is returning her brother’s share of their mother’s wealth to be used for his offspring.

It’s neither morally nor legally anything to do with your FIL, other than as guardian to the children.

BadNomad · 21/01/2023 18:07

I really hope that 16-year-old figures out something isn't right here and goes talk to someone.

Pipsquiggle · 21/01/2023 18:15

Are the 12 and 16 year old in the right place? Should they be living with your FIL?

I really hope they get access to their inheritance

strumpert · 21/01/2023 18:17

The grandchildren are 12 and 16. My FIL didn’t think he’d inherit his ex-wife’s money. He just thought that her daughter would return the wealth that was generated by him in the first place.

On what planet does anyone have to return inheritance to whomever it was generated by?

CPL593H · 21/01/2023 18:17

snoozum · 21/01/2023 16:23

The daughter was the only surviving child of ex-wife #2. To answer another question, she is married so when she dies (which will be fairly soon) her husband will inherit. Why should her husband inherit wealth created by my FIL?

Show quote history

Err because it's her money, inherited from her mother to leave to who she wishes?

I'm finding it difficult to believe all this now but a question OP, do you think any of it should be coming your way? You're not blood related either.

SunshineAndFizz · 21/01/2023 18:35

This is absolutely bonkers.

You don't 'get back' money you lost in a divorce when they die 😂

Lulu2171 · 21/01/2023 19:27

Aprilx · 21/01/2023 02:53

You FIL got a fair deal when he divorced ex wife 2, all of what he had pre marriage and 50% thereafter, that is what is supposed to happen. What she had when she died was hers not his.

However when she died, it should have been split between her son and daughter, and as the son also passed away it should have been split between the daughter and the sons children. It sounds like that didn’t happen at first but now she has passed over 50% it all seems correct to me, but this should be given to the children not your FIL

So your FIL does not need to do anything other than hand back (or put in trust) what he received from the daughter to the children of the son.

Agree. A fair outcome. Nothing more to be said.

Liorae · 21/01/2023 19:29

snoozum · 21/01/2023 16:23

The daughter was the only surviving child of ex-wife #2. To answer another question, she is married so when she dies (which will be fairly soon) her husband will inherit. Why should her husband inherit wealth created by my FIL?

Show quote history

Why should you?

Bellalalala · 21/01/2023 19:35

snoozum · 21/01/2023 16:23

The daughter was the only surviving child of ex-wife #2. To answer another question, she is married so when she dies (which will be fairly soon) her husband will inherit. Why should her husband inherit wealth created by my FIL?

Show quote history

Because that money belongs to his wife.

Who inherited from her own mother. The money belonged to her mother.

The money that was accumulated during the mother marriage to your fil. That money was never only your fils.

Soontobe60 · 21/01/2023 19:37

snoozum · 21/01/2023 16:09

As far as I’m aware, the aunt returned 50% because that is what her brother would have received. She provided all the death certificates to the relevant parties and explained what had happened and with the ex-wife #2 having no will, all the money went to her. Before my FIL knew that he wasn’t receiving ALL of the money, he told her to retain money from the fund that she had loaned him when he was divorcing and nearly lost the house. He would not have told her to do this has he known she wasn’t going to give him the full amount back.

Show quote history

Well then he would have been committing fraud or dime such similar offence.

emptythelitterbox · 21/01/2023 19:40

*The grandchildren are 12 and 16. My FIL didn’t think he’d inherit his ex-wife’s money. He just thought that her daughter would return the wealth that was generated by him in the first place.

So what happened to his share of the wealth plus the regular income he had? You've failed to mention this but have been asked several times.

My guess is he's bad with money and pissed it away somehow. Drink? Gambling? Frivolous spending?

The kids are teens so not like they need expensive daycare.

Why didn't you and DH offer to take the children in?

Something is really off about this entire situation.

CircleofWillis · 21/01/2023 19:49

This sounds like the plot from the book 'a series of unfortunate incidents'

OP do I have the chronology right?

FIL and wife #2 divorce

Step daughter loans money to FIL to buy out wife #2s share of house

Step son's wife dies

Wife #2 dies

Step grand children move in with FIL

Step son dies

Step daughter inherits 100% of money

Stepdaughter gives FIL 50% of money minus loan amount

If this is correct then the stepson was alive when his mother died and so step daughter inheriting everything makes no sense. Depending on stepson's will the children should have inherited his share. Step daughter and FIL are both in the wrong.

CircleofWillis · 21/01/2023 19:51

To be clear it makes no sense even if step son died before his mother.

85sarah2005 · 21/01/2023 20:00

"which in reality is pretty much all of my FIL's money"

nope. just nope.

it's generous that she gave anything to your FIL, but I see the logic of giving the 50% as her giving her brothers half to your FIL because her brother didn't get the chance to get paperwork in place to provide for his kids before he passed. where ex wife 2 got the money from is irrelevant. I'm worried about your attitude, I hope your FIL doesn't actually feel like this, if he does I'm thinking she was better off leaving her brothers share of money in trust for his kids rather than giving it to your father in law outright.

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