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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband has walked out.

109 replies

Confusedpenguon · 17/02/2019 12:50

AIBU- so about a week ago my husband of 25 years walked out and left me and the children while I was at work to live at a friends house. He said this was nothing to do with me or our relationship it was simply that he was suffering with chronic pain and that he didn’t want to snap at us or be around anyone. Have barely seen him all week just a few calls and messages. Then last night it transpires he’s going out drinking with his friends. This morning I told him that I no longer believed him why he had left us as if he was in too much pain to be around anyone he wouldn’t be at the pub. Also he’s managed to go the gym all week and chat online till all hours with friends. So now he thinks I’m being unreasonable and a bitch and is refusing to answer my messages - am I in the wrong? or is he a lying t@at?

OP posts:
Limensoda · 17/02/2019 12:52

Like you don't know the answer to that?

thirstyformore · 17/02/2019 12:54

He’s having an affair. Sorry x

EleanorLavish · 17/02/2019 12:55

Is he contributing financially?
Is he contributing to looking after the DC? Housework? Driving/after school activities/appointments etc?
How old are your kids? Has he even seen them?
You know the answer to your own question by the way, but if you need to hear it- yes, he is a lying twat.
Make it official and move on.

HollowTalk · 17/02/2019 12:57

He's in chronic pain yet he is in the pub and gym all the time?

Who is this friend he's saying he's staying with?

Stompythedinosaur · 17/02/2019 12:58

Is he trying to say that despite having clearly left you, you are in some way obligated to pretend he hasn't? Like your relationship is fine even though he has left you?

What a twat. He needs to be paying maintainance and having the dc for contact (away from your house).

I too would wonder if he is having an affair.

buttertoff33 · 17/02/2019 12:58

have been there. There is an OW. Classic script. sorry OP.

Get your ducks in row now! This will get dirty later on.

Insomnibrat · 17/02/2019 12:58

Have you not thought to ask him what the merry fuck he's playing at?

Original poster
Confusedpenguon · 17/02/2019 12:58

I genuinely don’t think it’s an affair He is awaiting an operation to burn the nerves out in his back because he has osteoarthritis so I know he’s in a lot of pain.

OP posts:
moanymoaner · 17/02/2019 13:00

He's messing with you. Tell him he best have some long term plans and don't fall for his pathetic excuses . Sounds like a midlife crisis to me . Not in that much pain if he's at the pub and gym!

Original poster
Confusedpenguon · 17/02/2019 13:01

It’s an empty house owned by a friend that’s that been renovated yet so it’s a shithole and not somewhere u would choose to stay. We live in a nice house in the countryside

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 17/02/2019 13:03

Sounds like a midlife crisis and a coward who can’t be honest. Trying to make himself out to be putting you guys first.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/02/2019 13:04

Chronic pain does not force you to leave your partner and children.

It also doesn't excuse him from his responsibilities to the kids.

It might not be an affair, but he sounds like he wants to live as a single person.

I'm still angry for you.

Tattletale · 17/02/2019 13:07

OP, I have osteoarthritis in my hips and lower back. I live in chronic pain. I take morphine daily. 1. I couldn't think of anything worse than living by myself in an unrenovated property as my DH helps me a lot. 2. Some days I can't get my own knickers on due to the pain, let alone go pissing it up in the pub or go to the gym. Your DH is lying to you.

Original poster
Confusedpenguon · 17/02/2019 13:08

Thanks I’m really angry thought it was just me and that maybe It was right to give him some space but going to the pub when he can’t be around the children was the final straw for me telling him how I felt

OP posts:
Imissgmichael · 17/02/2019 13:15

He’s acting really strangely. I’d be telling him to come home or at least have a more plausible explanation otherwise I would consider us over and act accordingly.

DishingOutDone · 17/02/2019 13:15

Confused I think you've split up. Do you want him back?

NotTheFordType · 17/02/2019 13:17

it’s an empty house owned by a friend that’s that been renovated yet so it’s a shithole and not somewhere u would choose to stay.

OP have you verified this for yourself or are you just going on what he's told you? Are you sure that's actually where he is?

Springwalk · 17/02/2019 13:18

Sorry op but he is taking you for a ride. If he were in terrible pain he could not manage the pub.
I would dump the rest of his stuff at the friends house and file for divorce.
He has left you and doesn’t have the balls to tell you.

greendale17 · 17/02/2019 13:19

There is an other woman

Original poster
Confusedpenguon · 17/02/2019 13:19

I’m too angry to think about him coming home I havnt even told the children that he’s gone they just think he’s at work. He can leave for all I care at the moment I just want some honesty

OP posts:
Original poster
Confusedpenguon · 17/02/2019 13:20

Yes he’s definitely there it’s on my way to work so I see his car and I’ve been inside some months ago

OP posts:
Juells · 17/02/2019 13:21

It’s an empty house owned by a friend

Just the shitty place you'd go to if in great pain Hmm

You have to hand it to him for coming up with a good excuse for having time on his own in an empty house, while making it look like he's being really caring for his family's feelings.

madcatladyforever · 17/02/2019 13:28

OP I had that operation too because of osteoarthritis (rhizotomy) but I still managed to hold down a full time job and do everything that was needed around the house.
My husband left me at that point as he felt he didn't want a wife who wasn't fully fit so I had to deal with that too.
He is clearly using this as an excuse, in the real world life at home with a family to look after you would be a lot easier than "staying with a friend".
There is clearly something going on here. You don't just walk out on everyone if you have a family.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 17/02/2019 13:28

He thinks he's a genius doesn't he. He can stay at his mates pay no child support, shirk all his responsibilities and leave the option open to swan back I if he fancies it (the pain will be miraculously healed until he fancies another jolly.

Nanny0gg · 17/02/2019 13:29

Start looking for a solicitor...