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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

-to 'persuade' my daughter that tampons are not evil? LONG sorry.

111 replies

oopslateagain · 08/07/2010 17:13

There's a backstory here! A bit graphic too, sorry. DD(12yo) has had periods for about 8 months. She came home from school earlier this week dying to get in the pool as she was so hot, I had to remind her she was still on her period.

Anyway she came downstairs a few minutes later in her swimsuit lookign all pleased with herself, I'd bought her a box of Tampax in case she ever wanted to try them, and all by herself she'd gone and put one in.

Three hours later and she came in for a shower, then yelled for me. She'd got the tampon out about half an inch and said it hurt to pull it, said it was a 'stinging' pain. Then she said she'd used a Super tampon (I got her a multipack). She was on day 5 of her period, so very very light.

I figured it was probably not ready to come out i.e. still a bit dry, but it was hurting as she'd already got it out a little bit.

Cue a very entertaining hour in the bathroom - I ran a bath, got her to lay in it and 'open' herself up, hoping it would soak the tampon. She was a little bit tearful because it was hurting but we still had a right giggle, the way she was laying there was like giving birth (she just did that subject at school) and we were making cracks about seeing its head, and whether it was a boy or girl). Anyway, eventually she managed to get it out, there was barely any blood on it at all.

She said it's put her off; but I would hate her to get it into her head that Tampons Hurt. I'm inclined to really try and persuade her to use one (a SMALL one) right at the beginning of her next period when it's really heavy, so she can see how easy it is to get out the 'right' way.

My friends think I'm mad and evil and should let her wait. I'm really worried that if she does, she'll never use one. She swims a lot, and goes to dance class, and absolutely FLOODS at night (enough to where she's started wearing Depends - she ASKED to), and I think tampons would really be a good idea.

I would never push her into something she's not ready for, but she actually used this one herself, so she obviously wanted to. I just don't want her to be 'scared' of trying a tampon again.

So, at the end of all that - AIBU?

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 08/07/2010 23:42

I would leave it for the time being. She's had a funny/embarrasing experience, but as a result of it she knows she can trust her mum with this sort of thing. Don't ruin that by turning it into a lecture.

Maybe bring the subject up again in a couple of months - unless she brings it up earlier.

At night, does she sleep on her back? I taught myself to sleep on my side during my periods, and only rarely flooded when I did so.

ginnybag · 09/07/2010 00:09

I wouldn't go down the Mooncup route. I used one for a good number of years pre DD (and haven't needed to since thanks to the wonderful combination of BF and implant!) and for an older woman, I couldn't reccomend it enough.

BUT, at 12, no way. They're not easy to get in right and be comfortable, there's a lot of fiddling involved until you get the nack and the removal and cleaning would probably put a kid off for life. It can be a bit icky... and you'd have to be sure she was doing it right for hygiene reasons.

FWIW, i found some supermarket own brand tampons easiest when I was a teen. I had heavy periods as well, so they were a lifesaver.

Take her shopping with you, give her some guidance and let her choose when she's ready.

And congrats on having a fab relationship - I hope mine is half as good in a few years time.

Original poster

oopslateagain · 09/07/2010 08:36

Sleep on her back? She's like a bloody octopus, she's all over the bed! I went to wake her one morning and her head was hanging over the side of the bed and one leg was up the wall.

And sorry, no, she can't go in the pool unless she's wearign something - it's a little above-ground thing in our back garden and I would have to bung half a ton of chlorine in if she bled in the water, what a horrible thought...

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 09/07/2010 08:46

I would back right off personally

She knows what they are, she knows where they are, she knows how you use them. She doesn't have to use them at 12 though, or indeed ever if she never wants to. I'd leave it.

gagamama · 09/07/2010 10:55

I didn't use tampons for years, despite much encouragement from my mum. It is quite scary poking about up there when you don't really know where anything is. She'll try again when she's ready, maybe it'll take an embarassing towel leakage before she feels like giving it another go, but it's all part of it. In the meantime, make sure she has a mattress protector and dark bedding during her period, and the option to try (slim/mini) tampons if she wants to.

maryqueenofyachts · 09/07/2010 11:39

YANBU. Maybe buy her a multipack or a selection of all different kinds like the ones you can get that come in a gel-filled pouch for lubrication. She needs to know about using the right absorbency, because using one too absorbent is what increases the risk of TSS as well as being potentially uncomfortable to remove as she found out. FWIW I never had any problem with using tampons from the earliest age but I don't know if that's because I read the instructions and took my time and 'did it right' or whether some girl's/women's bodies are better suited to them than others.

maryqueenofyachts · 09/07/2010 11:40

I mean yeah it's her choice, but as long as it's an informed choice and not based on her bad experience with using the completely wrong absorbency.

maryqueenofyachts · 09/07/2010 11:48

sorry to keep posting obsessively about tamons but just had another thought... perhaps she chose to use the Super one for swimming because she was paranoid about leakage, maybe she was expecting a swirly red cloud appearing around her in the pool if she wasn't careful! If this is the case, perhaps it would be a good idea for her to give tampons another go (on dry land) with a towel or pantyliner as well, just so she can get used to them and get an idea of how long they will last before leakage, building up her confidence that a light-flow tampon on a light-flow day will be perfectly adequate for X number of hours and won't let her down.

Original poster

oopslateagain · 09/07/2010 11:55

about tampon obsession

I keep hearing about these lubricated ones - what are they? I've used a mooncup for so long I've no idea what kind of new ideas they're coming out with now.

OP posts:

tyler80 · 09/07/2010 12:01

Maybe not something for straight away, but I actually use a Luna cup rather than a mooncup as it's a little smaller and more comfortable for me. If she's shown an interest in cups it's worth looking at the different brands as they are slightly different sizes.

Still think if she struggles with tampons, mooncups and their ilk are a little way off

maryqueenofyachts · 09/07/2010 12:09

Hmm, it was lil-lets that made the lubricated ones but they don't seem to do them anymore. Googled it but nothing. Sorry.

the tampon obsessive

TheMysticMasseuse · 09/07/2010 12:13

Another one whose mother didn't believe in tampons... I still remember the day my best friend's mother bought her a pack (we must have been 15-16) and she shared them with me (not the same ones, of course!)... we ended up having a long conversation about how we wanted to erect a statue to Mr Tampax for single-handedly revolutionising the quality of our lives!

I went home and told my mum she was mad to use pads- and although she was never willing to try herself (probably on the grounds of them being anti-catholic, LOL @Never!) she was ok with me using them.

IMO you should just let your dd come to the same conclusion (ie pads are messy and fiddly and life-limiting) and then make sure you're there to help her out when she wants to try again.

5Foot5 · 09/07/2010 13:38

Another one here who started with one of those awful belts and bulky pads. My Mum told me about tampons but said that maybe I should wait until I was a bit older and, frankly, as a young teenager I was a bit scared of them.

I tried the first time when I was about 17. We were staying at my sister's house and I tried to flush a pad down the loo and it blocked it and flooded the bathroom. My Dad had to plunge the toilet to sort things out MEGA- Anyway my sister then suggested I try a tampon. I took one with me when we went out for a drink and tried to use it in the pub toilet. Unfortunately I cut my finger on the toilet roll dispenser so I was dripping blood before I could even try and abandoned the attempt!

Finally I gave them a go when I was 19 and have never looked back.

My DD is 14 and has had her period for about a year and a half. She still uses pads but I have told her about tampons. She is still not keen but I tend to think that while she is still getting use to her flow and until her cycle is reliable it is probably easier for her that way.

lowenergylightbulb · 09/07/2010 14:11

I'm just that you have a pool!!!!

My DD's have got tampons, but I'm not sure if they use them often. They (like me) prefer thin towels with wings.

I used to have the night time leakage thing as a teenager (with those horrid thick towels) - I eventually overcame it when towels with wings were invented - I used to use two, to sort of extend the length of the towel and give double thickness over the bit that caught the heaviest flow.

I used to always use tampons pre-kids, but since having children I can't really face them - which is a bit odd I guess!!

Original poster

oopslateagain · 09/07/2010 14:21

Oh you wouldn't be if you had to clean the bloody thing! It's a glorified paddling pool, 3ft deep and 8ft across, and as DD tends to run across to it and jump in, it's always full of bits of grass and stuff. So I'm constantly out there with the big sieve-scoop thingy, trying to fish the yucky bits out.

And it costs a fortune with chlorine, anti-algae stuff, testing tablets and the like.

Wouldn't get rid of it for the world

OP posts:

Jenbot · 09/07/2010 14:23

I thought you couldn't wear tampons overnight anyway, because of the toxic shock time limit.
It's been a while since I looked at any though, so I may be mistaken!

hellymelly · 09/07/2010 14:37

I remember struggling with lilets,uggh.at the time they did a mini size and tampax didn't so I coated it in vaseline in the end and of course then it must have been waterproof .When tampax brought out their slender ones I started using those but tbh I still don't like tampons and rarely use them.I have never had a very heavy flow and I hate the feeling of pulling out a dry tampon,it is setting my teeth on edge just thinking about it.I think just explaining that its trial and error for all women while we work out what suits us best,get a few different types,get them for right at the start when she has a heavy flow,and different types of towels/panty liners etc ,and in a while maybe a mooncup (never used one but SIL raves about hers)and she can try everything and work out what combination is best for her.

Opinionatedfreak · 09/07/2010 14:43

I loathe and detest towels. Have used tampons since my first period. I have occasionally used a towel since - usually after being caught short where friends have lent me a towel. They've improved loads but I still dislike the drippy feeling (Sorry TMI).

I don't think you should force her but definitely encourage her to have another go with one of the smaller sizes. TBH I would have thought that tampax with their lengthwise expansion would be better than lillets (which go widthwise).

Personally I prefer an applicator but tend to just use the cheapest ones but this thread inspired me to buy a pack of tampax pearl to see what all the fuss is about!

KatieJ75 · 08/12/2010 14:30

It is better to use KY jelly as vaseline is greasy and may stop the tampon absorbing properly.
KY is water-based and is perfect for the task, although vaseline would probably not be harmful.

PhishFoodAddiction · 08/12/2010 16:23

Another vote for the tampax pearl here. Since having DC for some reason I've found tampons really difficult to use and uncomfortable- but I tried the pearl and they were great.

Or try the mini tampax, I think they're same absorbancy as regular but thinner applicator (could be mistaken though). I think lilets are harder to use.

I had my first period the month I turned 12, and it was nearly a year after that I could finally manage to use a tampon. It might just take a bit of time for your DD to relax enough to insert/remove them comfortably.

notasize10yetbutoneday · 08/12/2010 16:24

Why has this old thread been resurrected?

katiesnicks · 15/12/2014 19:35

Tampax pearl is the way forward, really easy to use and plastic applicators :) they used to do mini ones when I was younger not sure if they still do? But are really small for extra light flow

katiesnicks · 15/12/2014 19:36

Ha ha just noticed the date!! Very hungover lol

CatCushion · 15/12/2014 19:40

I ruptured my hymen with my first tampon aged 13. It bloody well did hurt more coming out than going in! Didn't use tgem again that period, but think it was all hwaled up by the next period.

Purplepoodle · 15/12/2014 19:46

Always used ky or vasaline on applicator as helped tampon in and out. Have u tried her on transamic acid to help reduce her flow - I found it great before I went on the pill

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