To not put a pupil's name on this gift.

[chaostrulyreigns]

Gah. Deep breath.

I am cross.

I've volunteered to organise Y6 thank you gifts for teacher and headteacher. (I know, I know)

I am buying a fantastic platter that each child pops their thumbprint on, then an artist prints each pupil's name on, adds an inscription then glazes and fires the plate.

One mom has refused to pay the 2x£1.50 fee saying that the teachers are paid to do a job and don't need separate gifts.

Therefore I am now out of pocket as it is £45 for upto 30 thumbs. As well as having to drive 3 lots of 20 mile round trips to collect, return and fetch the finished plate along with spending my freetime in school furtively getting all the pupils to put their prints on the plates.

So AIBU not to put her child's thumb print on plate?

Actually I think writing this down has dissipated my fit of pique, and I couldn't punish the child and exclude her.

What are your thoughts?

I wouldnt exclude her.....take the moral higher ground or you are in danger of getting into a petty spiteful situation

TBH, I kind of agree with her. They are paid to do a job, and the teachers I know don't appreciate the gifts they're given anyway. They get annoyed with getting chocolate they don't like, cheap bottles of wine and tacky little figurines saying 'World's Best teacher'.

However, in your case, it is a gift from the whole class and it would be sad to exclude someone just because their mum is being awkward.

the mother is a fucking tight cow tho!!!!

Gift vouchers are your friend.

I think it would be a bit unkind to this child to miss her off, as it's such a permanent thing which the teacher will presumably keep for ever as a reminder of the class. So, I'd include her and suck it up - it's one of the many incidental costs of being the one who is doing the organising.

Nice porca

Did you ask everyone first? Is it compulsory to pay? I wouldn't be impressed with being ordered to pay towards a gift chosen by someone else.

If you are out of pocket that is entirely your own fault and YABU.

What a lovely present. As you realise, you can't exclude the child. However, it's a lesson for you not to volunteer again.

I, too, have regularly volunteered over the years - and Morloth is entirely correct ;.

I usually am.

I would pay up on the mums behalf, put the child on the plate, and forever hold a grudge against the mum, and feel rather smug with myself.
It's not the kids fault they are being missed off. I would be gutted if my mum had taken this approach over something, and I missed out.

Why would a teacher want the thumbprints of her pupils? I'm not surprised this other woman doesn't want to pay for it.

You cannot expect EVERYONE to want to go along with this - some cannot aford, others dont buy teachers gifts, others might want to buy their own gift

I think it would be very petty to exclude the child though, they might want to say thank you

You should have had the collection then decided what to buy, not budgeted for something that ASSUMED everyone would cough up the amount you decided (our class collections are always voluntary - some give £5 some only £1)

as a present I actually think its a good idea - much better to have something personalised like that than have loads of smellies/wine/chocs/flowers from individuals

Agree with POWN.

I would pay - £3 isn't a lot after all, however, I do agree that gift vouchers are a far, far better gift for a teacher - after 20 years teaching, they won't be able to move for personalised china, which they will feel they have to keep, even though they probably won't remember the pupils who've lovingly put their thumbprints on!

We tend to give a suggested amount, but people are free to give more or less, or not give. Then buy gift vouchers for the teachers and ta, and nice cards signed by all the children.

When I've done presents in the past, you then get into the discussion problem - everyone wants to have a say, and you spend ages reaching agreement, and then justifying why you've chosen what you did.

Incidentally, the teacher isn't going to go down the list seeing who's paid, as they just aren't interested, so no-one will notice if a child is missed off, except the child and you.

YABU. Poor child will feel left out and it could have an effect on her/him for the rest of his/her life.

You can't exclude the child that would be petty.

Personally I would be a bit disgruntled at this sort of organised gift too although I would probably just put up with it and pay up.

Agree with everything POWN said in post at 13:18 and disagree with her at 13:20! If I was a teacher I would much prefer several bottles of wine to a plate with thumbprints on. Sorry!

"Incidentally, the teacher isn't going to go down the list seeing who's paid, as they just aren't interested, so no-one will notice if a child is missed off, except the child and you"

I told this story on another thread yesterday or the day before.

When I was around 10 years old my parents were very poor, so poor that I didn't tell hem about a school collection for the teacher.

The card went round and my name wasn't put on it. The teacher counted all the names and realised someone was missing so made me come and sign the card in front of the whole class. They all looked at me like I was a criminal of some kind.

So.... some teachers will notice. The only person who will really suffer is the child. The OP should swallow her distaste and suck it up.

is it legal to take childrens fingerprints, and store them permanently on a plate?

I dont get this 'buy a present for the teacher' thing, especially if its deemed a whole class has to chip in.

My daughter had a couple of outstanding teachers during her primary school years. We gave them a little gift as a thank you for the extra care and effort. But every teacher every year no matter what? Nope, I might have said no too!

i don't get this attitude of 'they get paid, they shouldn't have a gift'.

EVERYONE who works gets paid for their job, but we still give gifts to people as it's a personal way of saying 'thank you' when they've done a good job. and it's the same in any profession, not just teaching.

i am also deeply grateful to anyone who organises anything like this, it's way cheaper than trying to come up with something myself, and lots less work.

but if it's the whole class except one parent, you have to include the child anyway, unless the parent objects to that.

Ah, but i dont drink wine, and object to the mentality that says its an ideal gift because everyone drinks, and I have sensitive skin that means smellies are a no no.

personalised gifts are good, vouchers are also good

(tatt from card shop saying worlds best teacher = naffer than naff)

ps should have said that in these particular circs, then the child should definitely be included.

You absolutely cannot exclude the child and therefore punish child and teacher, in fact, for the mother not buying into your big plan.

Great idea, but you decided to take on all that travelling and work, and it's a huge pesumption to expect everyone to buy in if you didn't consult to begin with, or weren't elected and mandated to do it.

Take pleasure in the plate and quell your inner-martyr!

Have to say that all my children's teachers, with the possible exception of the one my DS had this year, have been absolutely brilliant. They've really gone to heaps of effort. And the only time I've had parents say they didn't want to contribute was for one TA. Generally, the parents are asking when are we going to do a collection. If the teachers weren't so good, I wouldn't want to contribute

DuelingFanjo, how horrid. Was the teacher making a point that you shouldn't have been left out??? (As I said in the earlier post, of course the child should sign, and the OP knows that.)

This thread just proves that everyone disagrees about a suitable present - so it's vouchers every time for me...