To not put a pupil's name on this gift.

[chaostrulyreigns]

Gah. Deep breath.

I am cross.

I've volunteered to organise Y6 thank you gifts for teacher and headteacher. (I know, I know)

I am buying a fantastic platter that each child pops their thumbprint on, then an artist prints each pupil's name on, adds an inscription then glazes and fires the plate.

One mom has refused to pay the 2x£1.50 fee saying that the teachers are paid to do a job and don't need separate gifts.

Therefore I am now out of pocket as it is £45 for upto 30 thumbs. As well as having to drive 3 lots of 20 mile round trips to collect, return and fetch the finished plate along with spending my freetime in school furtively getting all the pupils to put their prints on the plates.

So AIBU not to put her child's thumb print on plate?

Actually I think writing this down has dissipated my fit of pique, and I couldn't punish the child and exclude her.

What are your thoughts?

OP - you sound like a really nice mum.

I´m happy for it to be a present from the class, but I wouldn´t want just to be told what the present was going to be.

Although I think OP said is´t had been a majority decision?

I just think there is a lot of onus put on this whole present for the teacher thing and it can get quite competitive and silly.

The teacher is paid to do the job, get him/her flowers chocolate/bottle of wine if you feel the need, don't rope everyone else in too - whats this class rep business?

In the OP it says she volunteered?

Sorry OP but you sound like the typical 'committee' mum that I so fear, I always want to get involved in school events etc.. but there is a 'do it our way or no way' mentality from a 'horrible' group of parents... you may have caught the mother on the wrong day, maybe she didnt really mean what she said about teachers getting paid and so she doesnt want to, maybe she doesnt have the money, maybe she just doesnt like being told what to do. To be honest although you have said you wont exclude the child, you actually considered it, which I think says more about you than the other mum

I think you should get a hand painted booble pate

Ok mattahatta.

So -

A large group of Y6 parents make executive decision to reward teachers for the level of care and teaching they has invested in our children.
The present is to be a memento which pictorally represents every child in the class.
One mug volunteers to do legwork even though she did not make suggestions or decisions but went with pack decision.
I then get momentarily frustrated when I get a stroppy text saying 'why are we thanking them - that's their job?'.
Quickly I see reason, but decide to share my frustration on a forum designed for that purpose.
I now should be navel-gazing and rueing the facets of my character that allowed me to let out an inner scream about someone who actually believes that people don't need to be thanked if they are remunerated for their efforts.

Yep - I'm certainly worried about my moral code now.

The main word here is chose.

You chose to do this and are getting arsey because ONE person out of how many? 25 - 30 kids doesn't want to play the game.

I am very surprised it is just one, and agree with another poster - this gift is about you or the kids - not about thanking a teacher - who also chose to do what they do for a living.

IMO you are being a martyr.

Was everyone asked if they wanted to do it?

Personally, I'm always grateful to those parents who do organise presents for the teacher as I'm always too lazy uninspired to come up with ideas myself (the mirror wasn't my idea btw).

And I'm sure that while most teachers don't expect a present, the vast majority of them appreciate receiving one - and the thought and effort that has gone into organising (or even making) it.

I wouldn't contribute to such a gift for my dd's Y6 teacher. And I wouldn't mind if you left her name off the plate either. I would be ever so slightly embarrassed to be associated with such a gift. What on earth is the poor teacher supposed to do with it?

I am a teacher and I don't know when i'd use such an item - teacher friends would laugh at me (not at plate I stress) but at my using it, as it tends to say 'look at me I am so special to my pupils' which will annoy teacher friends. Non-teacher friends will think 'ooh primary school teacher' and will laugh at my using it as they laugh at everything they consider teachery, e.g having a red biro in your bag, and a whistle on your key ring.

bibbitybobbityhat - she's meant to use it. (I think). I use mine daily... I put snacks or apetizers or cheese/crackers...etc on it. I love it!
Maybe I am just an odd duck.... probably.

I can just imagine the conversation with the teacher:

teach: "Just wondering, how come Jim and Mabel's thumb prints are missing?"

OP: "Well, their parents didn't want to participate in the gift, so we left their kids off"

teach: "Oh right. Well I suppose a plate with MOST of my class on it is just as nice."

(subtext: "I would have much preferred a bottle of wine anyway" )

No Ladyanonymous - I'm not arsey - I'm just flabbergasted that one person out of 30 thinks that there is no need to thank someone for their efforts as they have a salary.

Thank you to those who can actually see my perspective and are being supportive.

OP- I'm mostly just impressed that any parent would go to so much effort for an end of year present. Most parents of children I have taught have taken the 'it's their job, why would you need to say thank you' attitude. And while I haven't kept each present that I have been given, I have certainly been touched by the thought behind each one. A platter may not be to everyone's taste but it's obvious that time and effort have gone into it.

But (to hijack the thread a little)... I have never heard of parents getting together to organise an end of term gift, it's only ever been individual families. Is this a new thing, or is it only in schools in a particular type of area?

Seems to be a frequent thing in our school.

I think a lot of people were aware that 1 significant present, with perhaps individual cards would be possibly more welcome than 30 different presents.

Also our Head made numerous suggestions to keep expenditure to a minimum - and so £1.50 per child was deemed to be reasonable when it was discussed.

Flabbergasted/Arsey whatever

Buy the girl on the checkout at Tesco a gift do you?

The guy who takes away your rubbish every week?

The receptionist at school who everyone hates but has to deal with arsey/flabbergasted parents?

No I didn't thinhk so - and why?

Because its too private and there is no social status at stake.

I buy the caretaker a bottle of wine and give it to her discreetly - really don't like conspicious gratitude - I certainly won't be the one handing over the plates - so not my style.

If the girl at Tesco had given me exceptional service I would make an effort to praise her to her Supervisors as is convention, but buy her a present, no - you obviously know me so well.

Box of biscuits to the binmen at christmas and wine to the postie.

Nobody watching me hand that over.

Blimey, our Year 6 is giving the caretaker and the women on reception a present too, because they've all been really helpful over the years . The parents just think it's a nice thing to do, because they've had to do all sorts of extra work over the years. I didn't realise it was anything to do with social status.

Some parents buy the lollipop ladies little gifts.

Not me though - I don't walk that way.

Yep that's just social one-upmanship rewarding the lollipop ladies.

I think you protest too much.

But at least you have lollipop ladies - we have policemen helping the children to cross the road. I wonder if giving them a gift would be regarded as corruption...

Seriously though, it's quite normal here (in Austria) for the whole class to club together to give the teacher a gift (normally flowers plus something more personal that doesn't cost any money, e.g. drawings). We're always asked beforehand if we're happy to contribute.