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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not put a pupil's name on this gift.

144 replies

chaostrulyreigns · 08/07/2010 13:01

Gah. Deep breath.

I am cross.

I've volunteered to organise Y6 thank you gifts for teacher and headteacher. (I know, I know)

I am buying a fantastic platter that each child pops their thumbprint on, then an artist prints each pupil's name on, adds an inscription then glazes and fires the plate.

One mom has refused to pay the 2x£1.50 fee saying that the teachers are paid to do a job and don't need separate gifts.

Therefore I am now out of pocket as it is £45 for upto 30 thumbs. As well as having to drive 3 lots of 20 mile round trips to collect, return and fetch the finished plate along with spending my freetime in school furtively getting all the pupils to put their prints on the plates.

So AIBU not to put her child's thumb print on plate?

Actually I think writing this down has dissipated my fit of pique, and I couldn't punish the child and exclude her.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2010 13:36

Sorry but I think it is a lousy present. What a waste of money. What makes you think anyone would want this?

Perhaps the woman is just against being steamrollered into paying money for something she hasn't chosen and something she isn't interested in.

OP you may think this is a nice present - some of the other parents may agree with you, and some of them may think it's ghastly.

And to think of excluding a child because the mother won't pay - well that is taking something very petty to extremes, I would say.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2010 13:38

Just reread OP and saw that you wouldn't exclude child.

alexisfaith · 08/07/2010 13:41

To be really honest with you, OP, I don't like the idea of having children's thumbprints taken. I have worked with young offenders in England as young as 8 having their prints taken. The connotation of finger/thumb printing is criminal, never cute. Hand-painting for small children has different connotations and would have been a slightly better choice.

So I'm not at all surprised that the mother doesn't want in, this is a weird gift. Why not photos of the children's faces? Or drawings of themselves by them (popular at my niece's school)? The teacher won't remember the kids by this DNA - their faces would be a lovelier choice.

At the same time, I don't want the child to stand out, so please don't exclude her now that you've gone ahead with this gift.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/07/2010 13:42

Getorf,you are so right. I think the OP has the right motives, just the wrong present. My DH is a teacher, why would he want thumbprints, photographs, mousemats with child's photo on (really) when he has his own DD? Give vouchers. Really.

alexisfaith · 08/07/2010 13:43

Ooh, just reread. Glad you aren't leaving her out - good choice.

CaptainKirksNipples · 08/07/2010 13:44

This reminds me of a time we went to a wedding with one of these huge plates that everyone was to sign instead of a guest book, I had to physically restrain DP from putting a huge penis in the middle!

Anyway.... I think it sounds like a weird present, where do you expect her to put it if not in a cupboard of the way? And will it not just be a whole load of finger print sized splodges? Did you talk to all the mums before deciding?

alexisfaith · 08/07/2010 13:46

Kreecher - the mousemat with a child's face on it is creepy somehow. Why? Who would want that?!

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2010 13:46

It is asking to be frisbee'd out of a window.

SagacityNell · 08/07/2010 13:46

I don't like being forced to pay for something nor do i like the idea of thumbprint gifts. The school already hold my childrens 1st finger print for the library but these are destroyed when they leave the school, it just seems an odd thing to do imo.

MrsC2010 · 08/07/2010 13:46

I presume the OP has already started this gift so surely criticising her taste isn't going to help/the point of the thread? As much as I wouldn't buy one myself I think it sounds quite nice, and much more original than much of the tat that gets given out.

Morloth · 08/07/2010 13:47

GetOrfMoiLand "Sorry but I think it is a lousy present."

I am so glad someone said it, I was trying to think of a way to say it!

FindingMyMojo · 08/07/2010 13:47

Just think about it - 20 years teaching = 20 'plates'.
Build a special room to hold them all? Or save them up for your 'retirement party' and then eat off them & then smash them all up?

I've lived with several teachers and pretty much if it can't be eaten or drunk, it's clutter from other people to mess up their homes. And this plate is so personal it can't even be regifted on.

I think these gifts are all about the giver and not the teacher. Nice thought, yes, but what on earth is the teacher going to do with all this crap! How many teachers are there in UK about to receive unwanted crap? Poor planet!

Stick to gift vouchers, wine, good chocolates etc.

OP re the plate I think you are going to include the child, which is the right thing to do. You took it upon yourself to organise a class 'gift'. The child is part of the class whether her Mum is a cheapskate or not.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2010 13:48

Well, yes you do have a point MrsC but the OP did come one here angry at a woman who (rightly, in my view) doesn't want anything to do with it.

Anyway OP no offence meant.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/07/2010 13:49

I think the mum was so proud of her son and thought he was exceptionally good looking and decided that my DH would like to own a bit of him. It was bizarre and went into the rubbish. That caused problems all of its own, DH worried that the bin men might find it and deface it and the boy would find out..........he is a dreadful what if'er.
TBH, it is probably in the flat somwhere, after all I found some fun song factory videos that DD used to watch and we haven't had a VCR for years.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2010 13:49

Oh god what have I started.

JustAnother · 08/07/2010 13:49

I think giving the teacher a present at the end of the year is nice. After all, I get a bonus from my employer most years, and it is always very welcome. However, I agree with GetOrfMoiLand. I can't think of a more horrendous present than a plate full of fingerprints. In my house, that kind of thing would end up in the loft within 2 seconds of making it through the door. Waste of money in my opinion.

Original poster
chaostrulyreigns · 08/07/2010 13:51

Ok - lots of differing opinions.

Went out for a drink with Y6 moms last week, 12 came - everyone was of opinion - yeah good idea, saves them time, £4 value for money, better than lots of individual items. So, we, as a group, made a decision that it was a good idea and many were relieved that I volunteered for the job.

That may not have been the best way to go about it, but it would have been impossible to catch everybody individually.

I realise IWBU to think about excluding child, but really I wouldn't have (which I mentioned in OP) - I think I shall think twice about posting in AIBU in the heat of the mment again.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2010 13:51

PMSL at the mouse mat.

What is wrong with some people.

It's like those daft tea towels with kids faces on which we were conned into buying a few years back. Now I probably have it in the house still, but I thought that was a waste of time and effort, and it at least has my daughter's face on it, not just a bunch of random kids from years back.

SagacityNell · 08/07/2010 13:52

lol @ the frisbee comment! (sorry OP)

ANd £3 is hardly out of pocket is it?

CaptainKirksNipples · 08/07/2010 13:53

What you should have done then chaos was take the money you needed from those 12 and leave everyone else to do something themselves!

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2010 13:54

Ah - that's what it was Chaos, 12 mums + several bottles of wine = fingerprints on a plate

No you are very nice to try and think of somethiong and to help everyone. But I think house of frase vouchers would have been a bit better.

Good on you for not having a fit of the vapours at us critisising the plate.

alexisfaith · 08/07/2010 13:54

MrsC, I wasn't criticising the OP's taste per se, I was criticizing the use of finger/thumb printing out of its legitimate context. Seriously - prints are not gifts! Would locks of the children's hair be an appropriate gift? No. It's not a matter of taste, it's thoroughly odd.

Morloth · 08/07/2010 13:54

LOL at mouse mat, I don't want one of my kid, why would you want one of someone elses?

A 45quid voucher for say M&S? Would be awesome.

I know a woman who has her DS1's face on so many things, cups, keyrings, mousemat, bags etc.

And she is wondering why he is having such a hard time adjusting to having a baby sibling!

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2010 13:55

For what it's worth, I would have given the £3 anyway. You are right, you have made a lot of effort to do something nice.

NonnoMum · 08/07/2010 13:55

Just a little point to everyone...

Please don't do the sexist thing of giving booze to the male teachers and chocs to the nice cuddly lady teachers.

It's just booze all round, OK?

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