To think that it is always unacceptable to call a woman a 'slag'?

[electra]

I think it is hideous and reinforces the misogyny in our society.

Why do people do it?

But surely, if we're going to say that it is a misogynistic word then I shouldn't be using that term at all, under any circumstances?

Because I don't hate women I hated her

this happened a very long time ago, not sure why I'm burbling on about it actually.

I think people who use words like this feel threatened by a person who is comfortable with, and does not have hang ups about their sexuality. Women do seem to be the main target for it though, perhaps because people resent women knowing that they have the freedom to do as they choose and do not feel constrained by the unreasonable prejudices in our society.

Who are you to judge how many people any of us have sex with? It is like judging someone for what food they eat or if they watch porn. It comes down to personal preference. If you feel the need to call people names like this it's because of something unbalanced within you.

People who are comfortable with themselves don't need to make harsh judgements about the lives of others when they have no consequences for theirs.

ShirlyKnot - having said that, I think your anger against that person was reasonable because this was your friend who betrayed you in the worst way ever. I'm talking about people who judge other people just because they perceive them to have had sex with a lot of people (when it doesn't hurt them or anyone else).

I also think you have a valid point that some people have sex a lot when it becomes a coping mechanism for other problems in their life, in much the same way a person could use alcohol.

Oh and WRT STIs, the most common one is chlamydia, not HIV. HIV is rare in the UK. I know this because I have tests done whenever I'm in a new relationship and this is what I was told about HIV.

ShirleyKnot - of course we sometimes use strong words when we're hurt and angry. Your case just proves that 'slag' is a horrible, offensive word, though, doesn't it? You weren't using it to describe a situation in a factually correct way, you were using it to insult the OW because you were (rightly) upset with her actions. Understandable, but proves it;s a word to be spat out in disgust, not a word to be used casually in conversation!

Of course RD, but the title was "Is it always unacceptable to call a woman a slag?"

I guess I was just pondering on it. I think it's to do with the usage of the word. So, if I called my friend who fucked 3 men on the same day (one of which was her husband - forgot to mention that!) a slag, then that would be unacceptable, because her behaviour had no impact on me, and why should I judge her for it? But if she had fucked my husband on that day then I could reasonably call her a slag.

I also called a pair of shoes "slaggy" the other day. I don't think they heard though. (JOKING!)

That first sentence sounded snippy - completely unintentional!

I hear what you're saying.

I suppose - without wanting to come across as overly PC - that I just don't agree with using words that are specifically derogatory to women. A woman who sleeps with another women's husband has acted despicably and probably has serious issues of her own. Isn't it enough to say that? 'You are a selfish, thoughtless person who has completely disregarded the impact of your actions on me and my family'. I think it's just as cutting as 'slag', but leaves you with your dignity, not having had to resort to using a horrible word coined by some nasty man to disparage women.

Obviously we all act in anger sometimes. Not attacking you personally. Just a thought...

YANBU.

Personally I don't agree with sleeping with dozens of people and I think it's a bad decision and hope that my hypothetical dd/ds won't do so,not that I have any control over that,but I'd hope they'd choose not to.

However I don't agree with the term 'slag' at all,particuarly as women are derided for sleeping around while men are lauded for it.

Also when people use the term they use it in a such a way that it implies that the person they're speaking of is inferior to them,less deserving and perhaps even less than human.
I hate the superiority complex aspect of it and that it reduces the person to just one aspect of their character,when no matter how many people they sleep with there's more to them than that.

That probably makes no sense but I know what I'm attempting to say.

I didn't actually call her a slag to her face though! I wouldn't do that - I'm not a total fishwife.

(Oh God, is fishwife derogatory as well?!)

lol!@Shirley. I have fishwife tendencies . Well done for showing some restraint

LetThereBeRock - makes total sense and I completely agree with your last paragraph

Me too, LetThereBeRock - you've hit the nail on the head.

I'm glad it made sense.

Anyway to sum up I think it's a vile and degrading term and should never be used by anyone,male or female,in any circumstances.

If I'd said that in the first place it'd have saved me a lot of energy spent typing that I could have used in other more productive ways.

I found an article about this issue and the person who wrote it (a man) was of the opinion that the origins of misogyny come from male insecurity and anger at rejection.

Interesting take on the origins of misogyny.

I think that one of the reasons that 'slag' is an insult when applied to a woman and a compliment when applied to a man comes back to the old myth that women have to have an emotional connection with someone in order to enjoy sex.

Therefore if they have sex with lots of people they must be either

a) Shallow;
b) Damaged; or
c) Both

I have called my dhs new woman everything under the sun and more, have also called him some choice names as well.

When you have been hurt so badly and have to keep quiet for the DCs sake and maintain some form of civility when dealing withe the other woman, then in private I will call her everyname under the sun and do not care.

qk your comment about TheSecondComings friend is vile. But you know that already. And fine - so your mum is your friend. Mine ain't - she's my mother and we have boundaries. I have no desire to know about her sex life and she has no deisre to know about mine. But each to their own.

Shirley ok - I agree with you! I do think some women who have multiple partners are damaged and seek the contact as a way of reinforcing their self esteem. And some just have a high sex drive and no partner and just want to get laid! They aren't hurting themselves or (ideally) anyone else.

Neither type of woman should be described as a 'slag'.

And (at the risk of making you cross!) I do think it's unreasonable to call the OW a slag. And before you get proper cross with me, I too have been in that situation. One of my closest closest friends slept with my ExP of 8 years. I'd know her 15 odd years and she knew everything about me / us.

I was devestated by them both and it took me years to recover.

Slag? No.

Amoral / Deeply unpleasant / never to be trusted / damaged / insecure and jealous?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Fair enough ifancyashandy.

This is what I love about MN, it does make me re-think sometimes.

oh and BOOO! to those "friendly" OW. BOOOO!

YANBU

It's the very worst double moral standard and keeps us all in the dark ages to use woman-hating terms such as slag and slapper - they either have no male equivalent or if they do, they are used in a completely different context.

It's one of those things that says so much more about the judger than the judgee.

I've had this debate all over the net (mostly with young women) and apparebtly it's not at all sexist to say slag and slut, becuase men can be 'love rats'.

As I understand it a 'love rat' is a charming man who breaks the hearts of many because he can't be faithful?

So yes, you are right - there is always a different context.

but what if they are actually a slag.

Custardo - the whole point of the thread is that 'slag' is not a proper word. And it's arguably an offensive term used by people who think they have the right to judge another's behaviour in a way that is not only narrow minded, but misogynist as well.

love rat is tabloid speak, does anyone really say it IRL? And anyway, it doesn't come with anything like the baggage of 'slag'.

Personally I really can't get worked up about how many consenting adults someone else has slept with. So what? Doesn't affect me or anyone else or apart from said consenting adults.