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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Jealous and judgey all at the same time

78 replies

ibangthedrums · 07/07/2010 14:56

A school friend is going on holiday with her DH and 4 yr old DD. They are staying in a fairly remote apartment complex. There is a pool but no kids club.

They are looking forward to spending the whole week by the pool reading whilst DD just potters etc. No day trips or anything like that are planned.

Now I am jealous as I have two very lively pre school DSs and would never get the chance to have a holiday like that. I would spend most of the time playing games etc. There would certainly would not be much relaxing and reading. To top it all she sleeps for 14 hours a day!!!!

However, I am also judgey as I think that their DD must certainly end up bored. Do other people's children really play happily for that long? Perhaps they should try and do something a bit child centred?

OP posts:

Doigthebountyeater · 07/07/2010 15:04

My 4 year old can't be still/quiet for 2 mins! If I took my eyes off him he'd probably drown in the pool so no relaxing for us on holiday. Mind you, I'm not jealous of them; their child sounds a little on the ...er... dull side! Good for the parents for now but what will she be like at 18?

slushy · 07/07/2010 15:08

I think they are about to learn a very valuable lesson .

secunda · 07/07/2010 15:10

haha YABU, jealous and judgy but understandably. Some children are perfectly happy playing by themselves, especially only children. I don't see why she will grow up boring!

scurryfunge · 07/07/2010 15:11

If there are plenty of toys/activities around the pool for the child then it won't be so bad....suspect she will be fairly bored though if they won't play with her.

katiestar · 07/07/2010 15:13

Maybe she will play with the other 'bored' children there

FranSanDisco · 07/07/2010 15:13

I used to be able to read when mine were 4 yo on holiday - dh was occupying them in the pool, beech, ice cream shop etc . We took turns to play with them but he read his paper and I my book. The loved the pool and beech and made friends with other children.

Coca · 07/07/2010 15:13

As a child I never went to a kids club or on "child friendly" holidays, I just played with my siblings in the sea/pool and had fun. Now I'm a parent I fell in to the trap of trying to amuse the dds constantly surprise surprise they are constantly "bored" and whingy if I'm not involved in thier play. It is getting better now they are getting older.

staranise · 07/07/2010 15:13

TBH, I think you sound a bit mean-spirited. How do you know what they get up to on holiday? How can you judge whether their holdiay is 'child-centered'?

Kids have different personalities, perhaps she will be happy enough in and out of the pool - I think classing her as 'dull' is a bit mean.

ReasonableDoubt · 07/07/2010 15:15

I don't understand why you are remotely concerned with this? It's their holiday, let them get on wit it. My 5 yr old would be quite happy to potter around the pool all day, albeit with a bit of input and attention from one of us.

Original poster

ibangthedrums · 07/07/2010 15:18

I don't think the whole holiday should be focused on her - just that over the week perhaps they could do one trip or something for her.

My friend has told me lots about their plans - it is just a pool, no beach or anything else and their main aim is to read and rest so I know a fair amount about what they plan to do at least.

Maybe I am just jealous as my DSs are very different children (which maybe my fault!)

OP posts:

Chandon · 07/07/2010 15:18

child centered holidays are for braindead parents.

Children are so easily amused!

It sounds lovely.

YABU

emsyj · 07/07/2010 15:19

If there is a pool then she'll probably be quite happy. All I ever wanted to do on holiday when I was a child was swim and play in the pool. My mother, however, could not (and still cannot) sit by a pool for more than 30 minutes at a time and so we were forced to go on edifying day trips to 'the sights' and I HATED it.

All the photos of our family holidays are of me in a swimsuit with various random friends I'd made at the pool (from about age 2 to 15). I remember once going on holiday to a resort with a 'kids club' (I think I was about 7 or 8) and the idea of going to it was just not something that interested me at all - despite my mother trying to persuade me.

Now, of course, I have turned into my mother and I am the one who can't sit by the pool and who insists on edifying day trips .

Original poster

ibangthedrums · 07/07/2010 15:20

Oh - she was quite clear that they both plan to relax - i.e no taking it in turns.

I am a jealous friend - will get some tips from them!

OP posts:

Original poster

ibangthedrums · 07/07/2010 15:21

Oh and their DD can't swim!

OP posts:

Jamiki · 07/07/2010 15:21

Maybe the little girl is fulfilled by being with both parents and that is enough for her ATM.

slushy · 07/07/2010 15:25

I personally would not want to go on this sort of holiday I like children centered holiday's why do you think I had a child .

I can't see me getting a moments peace on that sort of holiday and to be honest I would find it quite boring but each to their own and that it is obviously what she wants, I hope she is right about her child mine would not let me relax for five minutes.

sarah293 · 07/07/2010 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Oblomov · 07/07/2010 15:35

Ds1 needs veery little entertainment. plays all day. my sil plays with her children 24/7. ds1 would have a whale of a time on such a holiday. give him a pool. when they was a kids club, he begs and begs to go. the kid can't get enough of it. i have to encourage him to play games with me and dh.

just becasue your kids are like my sil's and just becasue you choose to play with them , entertian them and make your whole holiday child centred with trips out etc etc. not everyone does, you know. not everyone needs to.

Oblomov · 07/07/2010 15:44

we have a caravan in dorset now, for the last year. ds1 plays with ds2. or rides his bike and plays with the other kids in the park. he comes home for his lunch and dinner. with a couple of other pop ins.
it makes my heart melt. that kid is so happy.
and it reminds me, that in certian situations, my dream of allowing kids to have the same childhood as me ( one where i went off on my bike and came home for my dinner, in the summer holidays) is infact possible.

beautiful. makes me cry with happiness. holly and jessica etc, changed things. we are paranoid and over bearing as a nation of parents. and helicopter parents. but little by little, the balance gets redressed.
nothing would make me happier.

Deliaskis · 07/07/2010 15:52

As a child we also never went on holidays that would be described as 'child-centered' and certainly never to places with kids clubs and that kind of thing. Went to lots of fairly remote places too, and always had a fab time with my family or just amusing myself. All through my childhood I would love spending time in the pool and just 'pottering'.

Different strokes for different folks I s'pose.

HouseofCrazy · 07/07/2010 16:21

TBH I think it sounds fab. My boys would wander off and come back for food if I let them - they are a little young atm though!

What I think is worse is a friend of mine who books a holiday and then puts the kids in kids club for the entire two weeks!! THAT is selfish!

I prefer to wander with the kids and let them lead the pace - but I would want DH to take them off a bit so I could relax sometimes as well I think a balance is good. BUT we havent been on hols since the dcs were born so I will shut up now!!

Original poster

ibangthedrums · 07/07/2010 16:29

I am an only child so really do get the amuse yourself thing. I suppose I see at least a little bit of a holiday as family time.

In this case she does not have a sibling to play with and her parents will be relaxing. She is a shy child so will probably be on her "own" for much of the time - hence the judgey element.

OP posts:

GiddyPickle · 07/07/2010 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissWooWoo · 07/07/2010 16:50

bet they have to take turns amusing their dc. my dd is incredibly bouncy but was happy to play in the pool more or less all day so long as either me or dp was in there with her. Ocassionally she'd play with some of the other children but most of the time she wanted to spend time with us. Taking turns meant we each got a bit of relaxation time. I'd be suprised if your friend's dc sat quietly all day whilst parents sipped cocktails and read trashy novels.

MissWooWoo · 07/07/2010 16:52

meant to say bet they have to take turns amusing their dc no matter what they say

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