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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Jealous and judgey all at the same time

78 replies

ibangthedrums · 07/07/2010 14:56

A school friend is going on holiday with her DH and 4 yr old DD. They are staying in a fairly remote apartment complex. There is a pool but no kids club.

They are looking forward to spending the whole week by the pool reading whilst DD just potters etc. No day trips or anything like that are planned.

Now I am jealous as I have two very lively pre school DSs and would never get the chance to have a holiday like that. I would spend most of the time playing games etc. There would certainly would not be much relaxing and reading. To top it all she sleeps for 14 hours a day!!!!

However, I am also judgey as I think that their DD must certainly end up bored. Do other people's children really play happily for that long? Perhaps they should try and do something a bit child centred?

OP posts:

Morloth · 08/07/2010 10:39

We do both, sometimes it is a "kiddy" holiday and sometimes it is a parent one, DS1 seems un-scarred. Disney came under "Parent" though because I lurve rollercoasters.

sunny2010 · 08/07/2010 10:40

I love child orientated stuff. We have been to Butlins 3 times since last year and I love it. I like it more than my daughter I think. Since she has been born we have done loads of the attractions like cadburys world, adventure parks etc. Having kids is the perfect excuse to do it all without looking like a weirdo. Im having my second childhood

Morloth · 08/07/2010 10:42

What is wrong with the holiday being for them?

We used to go to caravan parks when I was little. Mum would take a book and sit and drink tea with the neighbours and we would run wild on our bikes for 2 weeks.

pigletmania · 08/07/2010 10:45

Not saying that there has to be 24 hour entertainment, they should plan some things for the child as well as doing things that they like i.e. relaxing and reading a book. Compromise!!! When you have children your lives are going to change and you will have to shock, horror do some kiddies stuff.

MumNWLondon · 08/07/2010 10:45

YABU.

My DD now 6 would happily potter around a pool all day, perhaps watch a DVD after lunch to have a break from the sun. She would have done this at 4 as well. And at age 4 she slept for 13-14 hours too.

Each child is different, if she gets bored she'd say, and then perhaps I'd throw sinkers in for her to catch, let her do a sticker book, play a game, give her some crisps / ice cream etc etc.

pigletmania · 08/07/2010 10:47

MNWlondon, no chance of that with my dd, she would be bored stiff.

Morloth · 08/07/2010 10:48

Different kids/different parents, there is no "should".

potplant · 08/07/2010 10:50

This might be what they are planning to happen doesn't mean it will though. The reality of seeing the LO heading off to the 6ft deep end might shake them off their sundbeds!

I wouldn't mind the set up of the holiday but I wouldn't be able to relax knowing that my 6YO DTs are on their own in the pool as they are not strong swimmers. We would probably arrange some day trips as well, mainly to keep DH amused though.

somebodysfool · 08/07/2010 10:54

Remember when you were young if you mum and dad said they were taking you abroad for a week by a pool you would have been delighted.

This was of course before the days of regimented schedules when every hour of the day has to be planned with military precision.

Most kids left to their own devices if there's water and or other children around to make friends with will have mega fun.

If they need mummy and daddy to plan lots of other activities for them there's something seriously wrong. What happened to good old fashioned imagination.

Most children would also revel in some real one on one quality time with mum, dad or both doing something as boring as throwing a ball, playing a board game or just taking the time to talk and listen.

I really despair for the future, are we going to have a bunch of thrill seekers running the country whose every waking minute needs to be filled with excitement. Will make the current lot look tame!

thecatatemygymsuit · 08/07/2010 10:57

OP, I cannot work out why this would bother you so much? By your own admission you would hate to sit in the sun, so wouldn't even choose to be on such a holiday.
But, you know, not everybody is like you and your children!
We are going on a similar holiday to your friend this summer, the only difference is it will be in a villa with another couple and their dd, so our dds can play happily by the pool (with their dads, is the plan!) and we can kind of take turns in entertaining them.
To me it sounds like a dream holiday, to you not. My idea of hell would be Butlins. I have never ever been on anything 'child-centred', even as a child, and have nothing but happy holiday memories!

Journeywoman · 08/07/2010 10:59

Nothing wrong with Centre Parcs if that's what you enjoy. Personally I don't enjoy it. Just saying that I think there can be different holidays, and frankly as someone who never had any holidays when I was growing up, I think my children are damn lucky to get a holiday at all.

gobsmackedetal · 08/07/2010 11:20

I don't have an opinion on their holiday but at 14 hours a day sleep!!!!!!! I'm still waiting for mine to stay in their beds for more than 4 or 5 hours at a time

Horton · 08/07/2010 11:24

We're doing pretty much exactly the same thing this summer, only in a house with two other couples and another four children. It's going to be great. We've done it before and DD (nearly four) has always been v happy to just potter about by the pool with or without the other kids and have tea parties where they all sit and drink water etc (doubly useful as it will be very hot). There's a big garden, we'll take balls and stuff for the children to play with and let them get on with it. They'll make up their own games. FWIW, my daughter would absolutely loathe having to go to a kids club and would far rather be pottering about near me while I read.

And at four years old, I really think a child can be trusted not to chuck itself in the pool if it can't swim. At least, mine can and she's not a genius or anything.

Horton · 08/07/2010 11:26

I also think calling the child 'dull' is really odd. What's the old saying? Only boring people are bored. Good for their daughter for having the inner resources to work out games for herself etc. She sounds very sweet.

Bonsoir · 08/07/2010 11:28

Last year DD (4 at the time) and DSS2 (nearly 12) had a fabulous time playing deep sea diver and assistant at the hotel pool. DSS2 collected loose mosaic off the pool bottom and DD arranged it by the side of the pool. And the hotel owners were tickled pink that they were not going to have to pay someone to do this for them at the end of the season!

misdee · 08/07/2010 11:36

one of our best holidays in the girls eyes was one at a house, beach nearby, and thats where we spent most of the weekend.

they also loved my families caravan, where they could wander a bit and ride their bikes.

most tsressful for me was a 'child centred' one with all entertainment laid on. constant 'want want want' from the kids as the reps peddled their must have goodies for the holiday. urgh.

we like butlins as the kids can wander, not so much hard sell, and good beach close by.

i'd love to go to disneyland paris, but thats just for me, not the kids lol.

Clothilde · 08/07/2010 11:37

That sounds like a lovely holiday for everone. I loved my childhood family holidays of reading by the beach/pool, splashing around, playing imaginative games and trips out to museums, art galleries and historic sites. I always felt really sorry for the children in Kids club who didn't get to spend time with their parents and who had to do silly group activities.

rupert22 · 08/07/2010 19:42

Jealousy is such a nasty emotion, and being judgemental wont endear you to others either.

It was your choice to have two kids, theirs to have one, YABU

slushy · 08/07/2010 19:50

"And at four years old, I really think a child can be trusted not to chuck itself in the pool if it can't swim."

Tell that to my ds we recently went swimming dp already in the pool I came out with 3month dd and 4yo ds only to see him break free of my hand run and jump in the deep end and go straight under .

The lifeguards were really slow to they hadn't even moved I had to jump in with dd hold her above water with one hand and duck under grab ds with the other and drag both children to the side of the pool. By which time the life guards had joined me.

thefirstmrsDeVere · 08/07/2010 20:19

My two year old takes after his dad. He can happily potter all day. If I let him he would kick back with a blankie and a dummy and watch Beebies all day ( I dont btw).

If I was planning a lazy holiday I wouldnt go anywhere with a pool. I would spend the whole week fishing them out or preventing them leaping in.

I am another who never went anywhere 'child centered' on holiday as a child. We went to the coast. My mum and dad went scuba diving all day, I got burnt to a crisp, they went to the pub in the evening, I sat in the car, back to the tent.

I look back on those days with such fondness (havnt gone anywhere near a campsite since though).

Horton · 08/07/2010 20:41

Oh no, slushy, that sounds really scary. Actually, I have just been on another thread pointing out that some kids just don't have the urge to explore dangerous stuff that others do, so maybe I have just been v v lucky.

foureleven · 08/07/2010 20:43

Firsty I have only read OP.

I doubt their child will play by itself happily all day. If it does then its a strange child and I wouldnt personally want a child like that. Its a bit 'damien' in my opinion.

Original poster

ibangthedrums · 08/07/2010 20:48

I have admitted IABU!!!!

BUT for the record - I never said she was dull, it was another poster.

Also, I do not advocate 24/7 kids clubs, I supppose all I was saying that if I were lucky enough to have a child that was happy pottering all day, I would still arrange one day out just to for a change (for all of us!). As it is my DSs do need more input from us and believe me it is not for the want of trying!

I remember some hols where I was on my own and bored and a water park visit or something would have been great. I did grow up by the sea so have spent many many hours amusing myself in water. I suppose I am also thinking of that.

OP posts:

slushy · 08/07/2010 20:53

It was scary he does not leave the changing rooms without armbands now ,but if I tell ds something is dangerous he does it to prove me wrong then grins and says see it wasn't dangerous .

Original poster

ibangthedrums · 08/07/2010 20:54

Would also say that alot of you describe hols with varied activities (e.g museuems, historic sights - NOT necessarily child centred) or other children.

I just got the impression that none of these things would be in place; hence my comments.

(still accept IABU but original comments based mainly on my experiences of my childhood and DSs)

OP posts:

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