nursery for babies

[clarinetplayer]

to tell my sister that she will miss out on many of the most important milestones in her baby's life if she sends her aged six months to nursery 5 days a week from 8am until 6pm. This is longer than a school day. My sister got very offended when I suggested that being looked after as part of a cohort of 8 babies by three carers was not ideal for her seven month old daughter. She doesn't need to work full time but loves her job and is worried that if she goes pt she'll miss out on promotion. Is it unreasonable to think that now she's a mum she should put her daughter's needs first?

Well, I should hope so, I don't think your 8 y.o. would enjoy still being in nursery at his age.

I do stuff like that at the weekend with mine IHeartJohnLewis, My DD would be seriously pissed off if I told her she had to do that with me every day and wouldnt be playing outside with her friends anymore!

Although shes at school now and with a childminder in the holidays, and she does things like this with DD so she isnt missing out on any bun eating, demo viewing action!

Its just not me that does it with her every day, thank goodness! I guess ome of us our just better suited to such activities.

Iheartjohnlewis - Working mums just do that on their days off. Today with my nursery we went to the beach and saw the boats, and had an ice cream. Then next week we are going to the library and the park. Then every parent I have spoke to has lots of plans for the family all weekend.

You are right fourelevel some children are more sociable and like having time with their friends and their family. It is the more socialable, confident ones that usually want to be with their friends as well as their mum.

As you say, foureleven, some of us are better suited to it. I like it that way, and so do my children. There's certainly no element of me 'telling them they have to do that'. Hey ho.

Cristina, I don't know what your problem is. Obviously no 8-y-o would be at nursery. But my three-year-old might well be.

Just out of interest, IHeart, did your kids ever try going to nursery? If not, how do you know they prefer it this way?

I find it quite sad these mums like IHeart who cycle past nurseries and think "oh look there are the unhappy children of WOHMs" or whatever....I hope these are just a few oddballs, but really I am so glad I am working and not hanging out with these people

My older ones went to a nursery school when they were 3.5 for two mornings per week, private school term times only (so quite short terms). They went because I thought it would be a change of scenery. DS was miserable for weeks, but we persisted because I trusted the ladies who ran and staffed it (all older ladies with grown up children), and I thought he needed more opportunities to socialise. He liked the ladies but loathed the presence of the other children. We now know about his AS, which explains some of his problems at that point (he still has problems with acknowledging the existence of other children now). DD loved it from the start, and it was a lovely addition to her life. Neither of us would have wanted it to be more than that, though.

Sorry, minipie, rather a long answer to a harmless question!

Fairymum, of course I don't think that. But I do think that children who are at home with a mother who actively enjoys their company are very lucky.

It's difficult because whilst I would never have sent my DS to nursery that young.....at the same time it's not really your business. But can understand how it is difficult to butt out, I also have always felt strongly that nursery is not the best place for babies. But over time i have come to understand that different choices work for different mums, and some mums really love their work. If you have a 'career' job, it can be the case that if your sister takes more time out then she will lose out.

I think all our children are lucky Iheartjohnlewis.. We all care enough to be talking about it on here.

Your children are lucky but no luckier than mine.

Can't be arsed to read the whole thread - but if the OP is close to her sister and concerned about the well being of her niece then why shouldn't she say something?

the idea of a small baby in a nursery for 10 hours a day is pretty horrific to me.

oh no... here we go again.

Nancy - what do you think goes on at nurseries that is so horrific?!

For me, it did seem a better choice to go with a childminder as she offered a 'home from home' for my daughter. But for some it isnt convenient, there might not be a childminder near by but their is an excellent nursery.

Childminders take holidays and so for 4/5 weeks of the year people might struggle with care so they choose a nursery which is open at all times.
Maybe a relative or friends child that they want to be with their child goes to a nursery.

Although ive no experience of sending my DD to a nursery I did view quite a few and nothing I saw there was horrific... maybe the mess!

My god some people are so obnoxious - I am a SAHM and send my two kids to a nursery for a couple of mornings a week (the youngest being 17 months), shock horror! They do not need to be there but they LIKE to go (and I like it too ).

Becoming a mother was not about totally sacrificing who you were in my eyes so whether you choose to go to work or devote your time 24/7 to your children is a personal choice and no business of anyone else.

Nurseries are not horrific places and in my opinion offer my children a diverse and social experience I am not able to give them.

Maybe a view of you who claim to offer to be the perfect 24/7 mother should give it a go - perhaps the time away from your children will enable you all to get off your high horses.

there's a hell of a difference between sending a toddler to a nursery a couple of mornings a week and putting a baby in a nursery for 10 hours a day x 5 days a week....totally ridiculous to compare the two.

Urgh, I knew I should have hidden yet another SAHM/WOHM 'debate'. All it descends into is smug generalisations from both sides: SAHM hinting that they are somehow superior and WOHM playing the 'we subsidise you' (errr, SAHM prob have also paid taxes and have partners who do), you must be unfulfilled, won't be a good role model, my children are more confident etc etc card. Dull dull dull. If women spend this much time judging each other no wonder others do.

If it were this simple it would be very obvious by now who was right.

Nancy - You say the idea is horrific, but what about the reality, do you know of any children in this situation? If you do, is that not anecdotal, and why would I care about your opinion or theoretical horror. Lastly, from the only other contributions I kind of remember of yours on MN (on politics threads) you don't appear the compasionate kind. So this looks like just your chance at WOHM bashing.

Nancy for your information I did send my DD1 to nursery full time when I went back to work when she was 7 months old and guess what - she is still alive and as far as I can tell no different to any other child! So I was a WOHM and now a SAHM. So I CAN compare the two!

I don't think there are many parents who think 10 hours a day 5 days a week is great for babies. Most people I know try to juggle their working hours so the nursery-day gets shorter for their children. I think its such a shame that these debates are so polarised. Surely MOST people want a bit of both (which is not the same as having it all). I think the reason the UK is not moving forward with this issue is because women are so locked in their positions (as are men). It would be much more interesting to debate how to improve work/life-balance.

I have 3 children who have been in nursery from 3 months and 6 months and 1 child who was at home with DH until he was 12 month. You cannot pick the child who did not go to nursery as a baby out of a line-up.

Cristina - I do know of children in this situation, yes.

I don't expect you to care about my opinion, you're perfectly at liberty to disagree with it. As you have done. Rather the point of these threads I'd have thought?

I think putting babies in child care for 50 hours a week is cruel - you don't. that's fine.

I'm a very compassionate person - just one with differing views to you.

So Nancy is 'childcare' extended to childminders and nannies.. or just nurseries?

This thread is about:

A six month old baby

and

nursery care.

....that's what I'm referring to.

ok, I know.It is just that you said in your last post that putting babies in childcare for 50 hours a week is cruel. I wondered if you meant all childcare, thats all.

Well - as tiny babies can't talk, none of us are going to know how they feel about spending most of their waking hours in a nursery during the first year of their life.

Personally when I think what my baby was getting at home from me at 7 months - loads of love and cuddles, daily trips out to the shops, to my mums, to friends, to the library, to the park, and compare that to a baby spending pretty much all day in one room with a nursery nurse who isn't in love with him/her and is having to divide their attention between three babies ........ well, I know what I'd prefer.

I think we all see this from a very adult-centric point of view. Most mums who work enjoy what they do and the day goes quickly. They forget that babies and small children experience time in a completely different way, because the hours they spend in nursery make up such a large proportion of their lived experience. 10 hours a day in one room would seem a lot to an adult. It must seem like eternity to a tiny baby.

BTW - I know babies in nursery do get taken out now and then... into the garden if the nursery has one, around the block, to the park occasionally, but it's nothing like the variety of environments that a baby at home is likely to experience is it?

Nancy, I was in nursery-care from I was 3 months from 7 am to 5 pm. My parents were far from cruel and I far from suffered in nursery. On the contrary,I have always been happy my mother worked and I am incredibly close to her. She was a great role model and thanks to her, I don't have all the anxiety that many people seem to have about childcare because my children are "second generation" in childcare if you like.

I know it is of no interest to you to hear me say this, because I suspect you very much need to feel the way you do about childcare because it makes you feel better about your own choice. Its hard to be a SAHM and there are no appraisals. Thinking of the poor children in nursery is your own little appraisal to yourselves. Unfortunately it does not come with a payrise so you can buy yourself a designer handbag. The main reason for most of us WOHMS to work of course

Titty, why don't you go and visit a good nursery. In our nursery there is the main room, the changing-room, a room for the babies cots and a special sensory room. It also has a little terrace and a garden. Oh, and they are taken for walks in Hyde Park. The nursery nurses are lovely and whilst they of course don't love the babies like their parents love them, they are fond of them and give them plenty of affection. Do you not send your child to school because the teacher doesn't love them or is this only important for babies. I actually have much more of an issue sending my 4 year-old to school where there really isn't much affection and cuddles for such a small child than a nursery where they have all had plenty of cuddles in my absence.