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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

nursery for babies

326 replies

clarinetplayer · 06/07/2010 10:05

to tell my sister that she will miss out on many of the most important milestones in her baby's life if she sends her aged six months to nursery 5 days a week from 8am until 6pm. This is longer than a school day. My sister got very offended when I suggested that being looked after as part of a cohort of 8 babies by three carers was not ideal for her seven month old daughter. She doesn't need to work full time but loves her job and is worried that if she goes pt she'll miss out on promotion. Is it unreasonable to think that now she's a mum she should put her daughter's needs first?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 10/07/2010 21:50

if santander concurs with you is one to assume she isnt slightly-left-wing nick clegg and the Fib Dems fan?peace at last from the leftie chatterati.pesky lentil munchers

IHeartJohnLewis · 10/07/2010 21:53

Yep, I bet she doesn't wear a false beard either.

scottishmummy · 10/07/2010 21:54

nope.you lost me.minge beard or chin beard

santander · 10/07/2010 22:01

"i had career and financial independence before children.i wish to retain it"

I had a pert arse and a functional pelvic floor before children. I wished to retain them. I couldn't. I will get them back when the time is right though.

IHeartJohnLewis · 10/07/2010 22:03

Tee hee, santander.

What on earth is a minge beard? Maybe you only have them in Scotland.

scottishmummy · 10/07/2010 22:04

fuck me.no answer to that is there.your saggy arse and urinary urgency.cant compete with that

LOL

pithyslicker · 10/07/2010 22:18

I think all mums should become SAHM then men can carry on having all the power,top jobs etc. How come it is ok for men to carry on with their careers without this vitriol?

santander · 10/07/2010 22:26

Because thats just the way it is unfortunately. It's all about the mother and always will be. If you're not able to step up to that relentless burden then best not to bother at all. Have your career like a man and forge ahead selfishly like a man. But don't have children.

blueshoes · 10/07/2010 22:30

That is the human race over then.

Presumably Santander your views apply to men as well.

sillybillymummy · 10/07/2010 22:33

Every parent does what they think is best for their child/them.
I'm a SAHM and am really happy with my decision at the moment. I don't like it when other mums have to justify their choices by offloading their guilt. I have a friend that says 'my DC is so much luckier than your DC because he gets to go play at nursery all day everyday & your DC has to do all your chores etc with you'
It always sounds to me, like she's trying to convince herself..
Yes my DC is sat in car because we are going to the Zoo Farm for the day / going swimming/ to soft plays / parks / bike rides etc.. I want to do nice things with them! She also said her DC has never been in a supermarket because she does home delivery.. this is my DC's favourite part of the week! When ever i ask him what he wants to do, he says 'go to tesco's'!

I can totally understand the people that say they wouldn't want to do it 24/7, its bloody hard work, and my sister who went back to work, says its a welcome break!

So each to their own.. just don't try and make others feel bad!

scottishmummy · 10/07/2010 22:35

are you suggesting dont have children if both work ft?pray tell how would you enforce this. statutory removal and rescue teams at nurseries?tag working mums stop em breeding?neighbours grassing up working mums for wilful abandonment in ofsted rated pens

in midst of recession we need the contributions tax and ni of working adults and that includes mums.

santander · 10/07/2010 22:37

Children need their mothers. Their fathers, whilst important, are less so.

scottishmummy · 10/07/2010 22:42

you are just on the wind up.contentious blah to provoke result.lame

blueshoes · 10/07/2010 22:43

You need a job, Santander. You are desperately trying to elevate your role as mother to madonna.

It is not a god-given right to get a free ride off another person (male most likely) just because you have a functional womb.

EmmaKateWH · 10/07/2010 22:45

YABU. Its up to your sister how she wants to bring up her children. I agree with the poster below's comments that this is a pretty disappointing thread from the point of view of judgemental and unsupportive remarks.
Personally I have a highly paid and interesting job, which I can't afford to walk away from. Even if I could afford to, I wouldn't. Women of my generation (usually) have to go out and earn a living. This is more easily done if you have an interesting and lucrative career. I don't think it sets a good example to young girls being born today to make them think that a woman's place in the world is to get married, have babies, and then stay at home and look after them. There is no reason why you can't combine being a great mother, with an interesting career. In my field (law), there are loads of women who do this. My mother combined working with being an incredibly supportive, devoted and loving parent. I respect her professional skills and success hugely and I think she set my sister and I an excellent example. Anyone who suggests that women who go to work are somehow lesser mothers is just being a cow, and trying to justify her own choices to herself by criticising the parenting of people she knows nothing about. Most of the people I know who give up work when they have a baby at least partly do it because they didn't actually like their job in the first place, but use the baby as an excuse.

sillybillymummy · 10/07/2010 22:58

I think everyone's situation is so different that it's impossible to generalise!
But i do think if my sister was putting her 6 month baby in FT nursery i would express my concerns!

scottishmummy · 10/07/2010 23:01

op doesn't have a choice to make she's opining on sister choice.and only people deciding this should be parents.

santander · 10/07/2010 23:13

Little baby in full time nursery? Away from mummy for ten hours each day? It's only awake for about 12 hours at that age isn't it? How can that be right? In the winter dropped off and picked up in the dark, tea then bed then up early then rushed breakfast and out the door for more of the same? wrong. Sorry. Can't see how anyone can POSSIBLY justify that.

Blueshoes - FYI I have a job. And I love it

blueshoes · 10/07/2010 23:19

It is a mistake for you to have children then, Santander. After all, you are so important to your dcs, that a father cannot replace.

scottishmummy · 10/07/2010 23:19

cant take you seriously since the why have em rant

EmmaKateWH · 10/07/2010 23:24

I'm with scottish mummy. And not just because I am also Scottish. Santander - its not worth trying to engage in any sort of intelligent debate with women like you.

santander · 10/07/2010 23:28

can't take you seriously either. I can only assume you're on your second bottle. You also have seem to have a bag of Kettle Chips on your shoulder by the way.

Little babies + full time nursery = wrong. Simple as that.

Flannel on all you like

scottishmummy · 10/07/2010 23:31

however,i can accommodate divergent opinions.you cannot without raving why have em or banging on about carbohydrate based products

BoysAreLikeDogs · 10/07/2010 23:32

so you imply that folks who don't agree with you are drunk

nice

muttimalzwei · 10/07/2010 23:33

What is the point of having children to put them in full time nursery. I don't understand. They need to be with their Mum. Surely???