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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chickenpox at wedding

120 replies

Poxymummy · 04/07/2010 11:04

My dd has chickenpox - the spots appeared yesterday. Problem is dh,dc and I are all members of a wedding party on Saturday. Obviously if the spots haven't stopped appearing by the middle of the week and if they haven't crusted over, dd will not be going. However if they have, my intention at the moment is to allow her to go. Question is I know that there will be a pregnant guest attending - day guest, but reasonably close friend rather than family - if she is concerned about dd being there, is it up to me to stop dd from being a flowergirl or is it up to her to decide what level of risk she's willing to take. Just to repeat myself if the spots aren't crusted over and are still appearing dd will be kept away and dh and I will take turns at sitting with her away from the service and reception.

OP posts:
mears · 04/07/2010 12:27

Your DD may not be comfortable enough to go to a wedding with chichenpox apart from anything else. She may feel itchy, sore and unwell. When my children were young they had to stay away from school and nursery for 10 days. Children need a chance to recover.

NarkyPuffin · 04/07/2010 12:30

Do you really think being in a formal dress will be pleasant with itchy pox? If your child is infectious it's your responsibility to keep her at home. Ask the pregnant friend? So you put the onus on her.

There's a good chance there'll be a pregnant woman there who hasn't announced it yet, and there will probably be other children there who haven't had it.

As someone who's mother has been undergoing chemo, I can't believe you'd deliberately risk bringing an infectious child

NarkyPuffin · 04/07/2010 12:32

whose

StayFrosty · 04/07/2010 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissHissyFit · 04/07/2010 12:58

If your DC is still infectious, tbh, you will all still be carrying it. Exclusion period is at least 7 days, mostly 10 days.

Whether your DD is there or not, you will still potentially be passing it on to anyone who has not had it, or who is immuno suppressed.

I caught CP aged 30, from a 3rd party, one of my dear friends did too, aged 21, and my sister also caught CP when she hit 30.

My son picked it up from a 3rd party last year, he had it mildly, we BOTH were indoors for 10 days solid.

TBH, you ALL need to face up to the fact that you ALL really ought not to attend unless your DD is scabbing over well before the weekend... i.e highly unlikely....

SassySusan · 04/07/2010 13:21

Message deleted

annh · 04/07/2010 13:26

SassySusan, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, how awful. I had no idea CP could be so dangerous. To the OP, I would say that you are being incredibly selfish. Do you expect the bride to contact ALL the guests to check if any of them are in the early stages of pregnancy or have any other concerns about being exposed to CP? If not, then how can you say that it is their responsibility to stay away if they choose to do so, because you decide it is acceptable for your daughter to be there? Do you honestly think that they are going to get dressed up, arrive at the wedding from goodness know how far away, see your possibly infectious daughter and turn around to leave again?

3littlefrogs · 04/07/2010 13:29

SassySusan I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Ds1 was very ill with chicken pox when he was 3. It lasted for about 3 weeks - it is the worst illness he has ever had.

It can indeed be very serious.

AxisofEvil · 04/07/2010 13:29

Why is the OP assuming that the only person at risk here is the one pregnant woman she knows about? Unless this ia a v small wedding there is a good chance there will be other pregnant women there who aren't "out" yet, elderly people or immunocomprised people all of whom chicken pox oculd be dangerous to.

GiddyPickle · 04/07/2010 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

constantlytired · 04/07/2010 13:44

Personally, i think YABU. I was exposed to Chickenpox when i was pregnant with DS. The tests that had to be carried out on him after he was born were not nice. If there is even the slightest risk, you should not be taking your child to this wedding. If i were the pregnant woman, i wouldn't be too happy with you, and there may be a few others who think likewise.

sam12345 · 04/07/2010 13:59

If a pregnant woman gets CP, there is a very dangerous risk to her baby. The baby can have serious brain damage as well as damage to limbs. I would NEVER take a child with CP to a wedding.

StayFrosty · 04/07/2010 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drloves · 04/07/2010 14:12

Omg ! my dd4 has chicken pox now ,and my dd1 is 15 weeks pg. Ive banned her from our home (shes at her "real" mums) until dd4 is better.
She was last here 2 days before dd4 broke out in spots.She didnt have cp as a child herself. Am now very worried about dd1 and the baby,(as well as dd4)
SS Im so very sorry about your DD ((hugs))

ICantFindAFreeNickName · 04/07/2010 14:24

OP - I don't think you are being unreasonable, provided you are 100% sure that the spots have all crusted over.

I work in a school and we allow children back when the spots have crusted over. We have never been told that siblings and parents should keep away from the school if one of the children has cp. In fact I was allowed to work in school when my own dd had cp. We have always been told that you are not infectious once the spots come out. My doctor certainbly never told me that we needed to be isolated.
Have the guidelines been updated at some stage or what?

castleonthehill · 04/07/2010 14:35

People seam to get very worried about chicken pox you are mostly inventions before you get it. So as someone who is at risk of developing a problem with my immune system. If I had a problem with my immune system I would avoid children who hadn't had it. The nhs web sit says http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Chickenpox/Pages/Prevention.aspx "this"

castleonthehill · 04/07/2010 14:38

Posted last massage before I had finished it. Seams like you should be OK but you should tell the bride and groom as she may still have spots which you may have to cover with make up for pics

DaftApeth · 04/07/2010 14:58

As cp is an airbourne illness, how can it be transmitted 3rd party or in a caravan?

The caravan sounds more like flea bites, perhaps?

DS had cp very mildly and was back at school with all spots well and truly crusted over withing 5 days and he had no itching really. Dd had it much worse and was ill for a lot longer, so, op, I think it dpends on how she is, as you say.

Sassysusan, so very sorry for your tragic loss.

Dropdeadfred · 04/07/2010 14:59

dr loves you should send your dd1 o her gp's asap. they can blood test her and check if she has immunity and if she hasn't they can give her medication to lessesn the effects on the baby
don't worry too much though, i was told alot of people who didn't think they had had chicken pox had just had mild undetected cases and therefore had immunity - you must get her checked out though!

biscuitsandbandages · 04/07/2010 14:59

exclusion period is 5 days. you don't have to wait until new spots not appearing or old ones crusted over but sensible to let bride and groom know at least out of politeness.

www.hpa.org.uk/web/HPAwebFile/HPAweb_C/1194947358374

IMoveTheStars · 04/07/2010 15:04

Answer is quite simple - you let the bride and groom decide. Anything else would be rude/inconsiderate.

NestaFiesta · 04/07/2010 15:12

Advice may vary but as I said before my GP said

  1. Child is infectious for 8 days after first spot seen
  2. You can't get shingles from a child with chicken pox but you can get chicken pox from someone with shingles.
  3. Pregnant women who have not had it can get a blood test and a subsequent injection if needed. If they've had it, they are most likely OK.
  4. CP is very infectious!

Like I said, advice may vary from doc to doc but my GP is great and I only saw him 4 days ago.

biscuitsandbandages · 04/07/2010 15:12

dr loves agree with dropdeadfred your DD1 needs an emergency GP appointment tomorrow (ask to speak to duty doc if receptionists not being helpful and tell them why - pregnant and confirmed chickenpox exposure) she needs a blood test which is really easy to do but she must go ASAP.

faddle · 04/07/2010 15:16

If you are 100% sure that DD is NOT contagious, and this has been verified by medical professional, then I would say YANBU to take her if she is well enough and not too uncomfortable. If any of you who are going have not already had CP though, that is a bigger risk, and I wouldnt chance it.

MrsC2010 · 04/07/2010 15:19

I think you need to leave the decision to the bride and groom regardless of anything else, infection times etc.