Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chickenpox at wedding

120 replies

Poxymummy · 04/07/2010 11:04

My dd has chickenpox - the spots appeared yesterday. Problem is dh,dc and I are all members of a wedding party on Saturday. Obviously if the spots haven't stopped appearing by the middle of the week and if they haven't crusted over, dd will not be going. However if they have, my intention at the moment is to allow her to go. Question is I know that there will be a pregnant guest attending - day guest, but reasonably close friend rather than family - if she is concerned about dd being there, is it up to me to stop dd from being a flowergirl or is it up to her to decide what level of risk she's willing to take. Just to repeat myself if the spots aren't crusted over and are still appearing dd will be kept away and dh and I will take turns at sitting with her away from the service and reception.

OP posts:
SagacityNell · 04/07/2010 15:21

current NHS chicken pox information

shingles information - it's the same virus

Thelongroadhome · 04/07/2010 15:25

I dont think you're unreasonable to go if the spots have crusted over and the medical advice is that she's not infected. Then I would tell the bride and groom that she has had chicken pox but is past the infectious stage. No-one should be uncomfortable with that because she is not infectious.

NorkyButNice · 04/07/2010 15:34

Ask the bride and groom - she may well not want a poxy flowergirl anyway (calamine lotion not a good look for wedding photos) - and will your DD really want to be wearing a formal dress on a warm day if she's still itchy?

Personally I think you should keep your DD at home if there's any risk at all of her being infectious. You can't expect the bride to let every single guest know that there's going to be a poxy child at the wedding.

BetsyBoop · 04/07/2010 15:36

drloves agree with earlier posters - here is the RCOG guidelines for chickenpox in pregnancy

Better safe than sorry, your DD needs to ensure she is tested TOMORROW so she can start treatment if necessary.

(I never had CP as a child & wasn't immune and kept being told "oh you probably had it mildly 98% of adults are immune..." I was eventually tested later in my first pregnancy after I had exposure to chicken pox (and I was right, I wasn't immune) but thankfully avoided getting CP, only to get it off 2yo DS earlier this year - as did 4yo DD...so at least I'm immune now )

BetsyBoop · 04/07/2010 15:44

ICantFindAFreeNickName here are the latest HPA guidelines for schools

For CP it's 5 days from onset of rash

BetsyBoop · 04/07/2010 15:50

OP - it depends on how bad your DD's dose of CP is, so long as all the spots are out & have crusted over by say Thursday,& she is feeling well enough, then I would be happy to take her to a wedding on Saturday if it were me. This is of course assuming that everyone else (any other siblings?) have had CP already?

With my 2yo DS, his dose was very mild & bar a few fading spots a week on you'd wouldn't know he'd had them. However with 4yo DD her last round of spots only came out on day 6, so there is no way she could have gone to a wedding on day 7, (she was too poorly anyeay) so it does vary.

swallowedAfly · 04/07/2010 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly · 04/07/2010 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AuntieMaggie · 04/07/2010 16:02

I wouldn't let your dc go with chickn pox regardless.

The pregnant guest might not be the only person who is at risk if they contract it - thre may be other guests who are pregnant but not told anyone yet, or other guests whose immune systems ar compromised for reasons that the bride and groom may not know.

hocuspontas · 04/07/2010 16:11

Why should the bride and groom make the decision? Are they doctors?

Dropdeadfred · 04/07/2010 16:14

dont take her...my 5 yr old just had chicken pox and was sooooo miserable and probably scarred for life...its a horrible disease and i wish people would understand how unpleasant it is, especially in this heatwave too!

Thelongroadhome · 04/07/2010 16:18

Although people are talking about people at risk if they contract it - they wont contract it if she's not infectious anymore. All the guidelines say once the last spot has burst and crusted over you are not infectious anymore.

mychildrenarebarmy · 04/07/2010 16:25

It is something that you should ask the bride and groom about. It's their wedding day so really it's their choice. I personally wouldn't have had a problem with it at my wedding day (but would have checked with an pg friends to make sure they had already had it first).

JGBMum · 04/07/2010 16:34

"Dh's brother is marrying my best friend"

given the upset it would cause if bride or groom objected, I think they would feel they had to say it was ok for the child to attend, regardless of what they may actually think.

Tbh I think it would be selfish to ask the bride and groom if it's ok.

prozacfairy · 04/07/2010 16:49

YABU. I'd be surprised if your 5 year old DD would want to go to a wedding if she's scabby, knackered and possibly still a bit ill from CP.

Sassysusan- sorry for your loss. Never realised CP was that dangerous

SofiaAmes · 04/07/2010 16:52

Dh's ex sent her dc's to play with their cousin who had CP the day before sending them on a 2 week holiday with us when I was 7 months pregnant with ds. I think it was deliberate and a disgustingly evil thing to do to me (and her children) and will never forgive her for it. Her dd got CP while we were away, but it was quite mild and I didn't even realize what it was. I thought it was mosquito bites and didn't take any extraodinary precautions to keep dsd from scratching herself because mosquito bites don't scar. She now has 3 noticeable scars on her face. Dss got CP the day after we were back and was so ill he spent 4 days in hospital.
I think it would be irresponsible and thoughtless for you to bring your dd to the wedding crusted over or not. Not only for the one pregnant woman, but for any others who may be in the first trimester and haven't announced, or just simply for the adults who haven't had CP. Here in the USA we are all vaccinated for CP (mandatory in my state of California) because as SassySusan (sorry for your loss) said, it can be a very serious disease.

shushpenfold · 04/07/2010 17:00

You can't 'catch' shingles - it's the same virus and is developed by people who have previously had chicken pox. If you have shingles you can sometimes cause chicken pox in others though but def. NOT the other way round.

katiestar · 04/07/2010 17:12

You are family and part of the wedding party - she is not.I would put the word about that there is a poxy child attending and anyone who is immune suppressed or pregnant or otherwise unhappy about it, can choose to stay away.

prozacfairy · 04/07/2010 17:23

But katiestar what happens if someone who is immune suppressed say, elderly or in remission from cancer is either part of the wedding party or family or both?

How would you feel if you were undergoing chemo or was pregnant and looking forward to going to a mate's wedding and then felt you couldnt attend at the last minute because another guest attended while suffering from chicken pox?

NestaFiesta · 04/07/2010 17:40

I agree with hocus- don't leave it up to the bride and groom unless they are medical professionals! And don't ask them to make a decision like this in the week before their wedding when they are probably worrying about a hundred other things.

I also agree with prozac. Its not fair to stop other guests attending a wedding when its really the sufferer who should stay away.

Sassy- my heart goes out to you, I am so very sorry for your sad loss. x

megcleary · 04/07/2010 17:51

My dd and DH had to miss my only sisters wedding as she got CP the day before & even if it had been a week before hand we wouldn't have brought her, a week after the spots up all crusted but she was still poorly no mood for a wedding.

We were all gutted, no flower girl I missed the both dreadfully but had to sign the register.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 04/07/2010 18:13

The NHS information does not say that adults in the house should stay home from work. It says that children with chickenpoxw should stay home from school and adults with chicken pox should stay off work until the condition is no longer infectious.

OP, I think you would be fine to go if your DD is genuinely no longer infectious. But if there's any chance of her still being infectious (even one spot that you are tempted to think "well, what's one spot?") then she shouldn't go.

I don't get why taking a non-infectious child (which is all the OP is suggesting doing) to a wedding is irresponsible and thoughtless to other guests. Taking an infectious child would be clearly unreasonable.

LemonEmmaP · 04/07/2010 18:14

FWIW I caught chicken pox (aged 32 ) at a wedding - I still have no idea who it was that had them, although apparently it was a child who was in that horrid pre-spot incubation stage so no-one knew, but seeing as there were two of us who came down with CP 10 days after the wedding it seems the likely source. And I can only assume that I picked it up from the big circle kissathon that took place at the end of the reception when bride and groom went round and kissed everyone goodbye, as I had no direct contact with any of the children that were there.

What I'm saying (in a roundabout way) is that it seems incredibly easy to pass on CP in a wedding environment, and as such you should really be 100% sure with knobs on that your daughter is out of the contagious phase. If there's even the slightest doubt, then you'd need to stay away, as you suggest.

LadyLapsang · 04/07/2010 18:16

I would err on the side of caution and make sure you follow the isolation guidelines for your child. Also, remember any of you could be incubating or carrying the infection because you can get it twice. This is not very well known but I checked it out when someone decided to bring their poxy child to a celebration - we stayed away.

prozacfairy · 04/07/2010 18:24

Ladylapsang yeah I know a little girl who has caught CP twice very rare but that didnt make her feel very special poor thing. Caught from her little brother who in turn caught it from a child at a birthday party who's mother apparently didnt think it necessary to keep him away "coz chicken pox is harmless really innit?"

Swipe left for the next trending thread