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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chickenpox at wedding

120 replies

Poxymummy · 04/07/2010 11:04

My dd has chickenpox - the spots appeared yesterday. Problem is dh,dc and I are all members of a wedding party on Saturday. Obviously if the spots haven't stopped appearing by the middle of the week and if they haven't crusted over, dd will not be going. However if they have, my intention at the moment is to allow her to go. Question is I know that there will be a pregnant guest attending - day guest, but reasonably close friend rather than family - if she is concerned about dd being there, is it up to me to stop dd from being a flowergirl or is it up to her to decide what level of risk she's willing to take. Just to repeat myself if the spots aren't crusted over and are still appearing dd will be kept away and dh and I will take turns at sitting with her away from the service and reception.

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 04/07/2010 11:08

This is a tricky one.

I do believe however that as long as they are crusted over, and you are compliant with incubation and spreading etc in accordance with the NHS's website, there is no risk anyway, and therefore you should not miss out.

But if there is a risk of transmission, you have to do the right thing.

LadyintheRadiator · 04/07/2010 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SagacityNell · 04/07/2010 11:18

The rest of you could still be incubating chicken pox though. Of course it's up to you to decide. CP is contagious before the spots show so if it were me she would not be going and i would question whether any of went tbh.

Mumcentreplus · 04/07/2010 11:18

If they are not crushed over then they are contagious and they are still apppearing you should not expose guests to her

Original poster
Poxymummy · 04/07/2010 11:22

Dh's brother is marrying my best friend - both of us plus our other children have all had chickenpox already. If dd is no longer infectious is it up to us to miss the wedding or the other guest if she's worried?

OP posts:
RamonaThePest · 04/07/2010 11:25

I would suggest the bride or groom ring the pregnant guest. If she's had chickenpox already, it may be academic.

That said, will there be any other vulnerable guests?

SKYTVADDICT · 04/07/2010 11:26

Sorry but I think its up to you - not the other guest to miss the wedding, and it is also highly unlikely that all your DDs spots will be crusted by next Saturday, DS2 just had it and his spots didn't stop coming for 5 days - so it was another 5 days after that before they scabbed. Fingers crossed for you though, you never know.

Also, could you try and find out if she has had cp and how far pg she is? That should make a difference.

SagacityNell · 04/07/2010 11:28

There is a MNetter who's husband was very ill and on the transplant list for a long time. The chicken pox virus was very dangerous for him. Whenever i see these threads i always think of him.

swallowedAfly · 04/07/2010 11:33

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GiddyPickle · 04/07/2010 11:42

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Effjay · 04/07/2010 11:42

Could you book an appointment with the GP on Friday to give her the once over? If the GP gives her the OK, you go, if he or she doesn't, you don't. The decision is therefore out of your hands, which will be much easier. Both mine have had chicken pox recently and it could be fine by Saturday, but it depends how serious it is.

SandyBits · 04/07/2010 11:43

Don't take a child with chicken pox to the Drs surgery.

borderslass · 04/07/2010 11:46

when mine had chicken pox we usually got put in a seperate waiting area HV's room to wait instead of general waiting room.

NestaFiesta · 04/07/2010 11:52

My DC1 is recovering from CP and my GP categorically stated that he is only non infectious a full EIGHT DAYS AFTER the first spots have been seen. If I were you, I'd get a sitter for DD and wouldn't risk it. CP can be nasty for pregnant women, elderly people, and very young children if they haven't had it. Its not practical to check with everyone at the wedding if they'd had it or not.

Also CP is very infectious and airborne. I wouldn't risk taking her.

NestaFiesta · 04/07/2010 11:54

Oh and YABU for expecting other guests to stay away no matter how well you know the bride and groom.

emptyshell · 04/07/2010 11:58

Wind the clock back mentally to when you were pregnant - how would you have felt and what would you have wanted being in the other lady's shoes?

If I were that lady - I'd have probably ended up feeling pushed into having to stay away just in case.

sowhatis · 04/07/2010 12:02

i would just see how this week goes. as long as the bride and groom are happy for her to be there, i would go.

as long as she isnt sitting next to the preg lady, i wouldnt panic TBH.

if anyone who is rpegnant is walknig through town or anywhere they could catch CP if someone has it, so i dont see it as a huge problem. and if i were the preg lady, i would just avoid the child!

Original poster
Poxymummy · 04/07/2010 12:02

Even if she's not infectious - I've been told 7 days is the minimum and it's her uncle???? I'd have to leave her with someone she doesn't know very well (different if the spots haven't crusted, remember) because someone who isn't related to either the bride or the groom is worried about the crusted over spots.

OP posts:
bellabelly · 04/07/2010 12:04

NestaFiesta - advice must vary, my DCs just had chickenpox last month and the GP said to keep away from other people for just 5 days after the first spots had appeared. He also said you are infectious for up to 3 weeks BEFORE any spots appear, the incubation period is really long.

I'd phone teh bride nad groom and ask for advice tbh.

Original poster
Poxymummy · 04/07/2010 12:09

Emptyshell - I'd feel it was my responsibility to evaluate the risks and decide on what risk I was willing to take. I'd also be horrified to think that going to a wedding as a random guest would spoil the day for a 5 year old - given that it's only if the spots are crusted over will I even consider it, I'll miss the ceremony myself if she's not ok, and dh will miss the parts of the reception.

OP posts:
emptyshell · 04/07/2010 12:10

So have you actually started this thread for opinions or just because you want everyone to tell you that what you're going to do anyway is all right?

How would you feel if anything happened to that pregnant lady's baby, if she decided she had to stay away because she'd essentially been presented with a fait accompli and wanted to err on the safe side for her unborn child (as I'm sure you did back when you were pregnant).

You're being unreasonable really if there's any chance she could be infectious - and for that you need to get in touch with a DOCTOR, not yer uncle, auntie or cat and get their professional advice.

You're going to take her anyway - and this is yet another of a "I want a pat on the back that I can ignore any implications for other people in persuit of what I want to do" thread.

SandyBits · 04/07/2010 12:10

For goodness sake. Ruin the day for a 5 year old? It's not all about you you know.

Original poster
Poxymummy · 04/07/2010 12:18

Obviously not since I'm 32. And since the premise of the discussion is "am I being unreasonable", it assumes that i have a starting point. I'm not going to take her if she's infectious, that would be wrong. If she's not infectious but any other guests are worried anyway is it unreasonable of me to feel that that's their issue not mine? I'd already decided to speak to the GP on Friday before deciding what to do and will take follow her advice.

OP posts:
mousemole · 04/07/2010 12:20

CP is sooo contageous I wouldn't put other people's health at risk. I remember years ago working as a holiday rep during my year off on a french campsite. At the beginning of the season a family had chicken pox in one of the mobile homes. After that every single family that stayed in that mobile home got chicken pox despite intensive cleaning and disinfecting between each stay.

GiddyPickle · 04/07/2010 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.