To put my 3.5 month old baby in nursery

[strawberrycake]

I'm being made to feel like an awful mother for doing this. Basically I have to work, but can afford to get by on p/t money. An excellent opportunity has come up at work for a 2 day a week well paid position and it's mine if I want it.

So my choice is-
return to work when baby is 3.5 months old for 2 days
or
wait the intended 9 months but then end up full time.

I decided the best option is the first as in the long run we have lots of quality time together and I can be around for him. I have taken him to a few nurseries to check them out and he seems to love the atmosphere. He's always loved new places/ people (we joke it started after being born with 12 people in the room!). He's not a clingy baby at all, doesn't really like too many cuddles or sleeping on people, happy in his cot and loves routine. Generally a very happy and healthy strapping boy.

However, whenever I tell other mums they react like I've decided to abandon him to the wolves! They are mainly not returning or taking the full year. I just want what's best fr him.

If its a great job, working the days you want, and you are happy with the nurseries available to you, then why not ? It's not like you won't see him

Van you cary on for 2 days a week indefinitely? if so I'd take the pt option.

He will come to no harm. If you get to see more of you long term then that sounds good. Actually children need their Mums more as they get older. Do just check that physically you are recovered enough.

the 2 day thing should be long term. In a way I thought it may be easier for him to start earlier and get used to it young, rather than have the wrench when he's more aware.

I would do it but perhaps look at childminder or nanny share.

P/t definitely the way to go in the circs. Ignore others, they're not living your life and you're doing what's best for your family.

Do what you think is right - only you know your DS.

FWIW though, I think that 2 days/week sounds like a great long term option, especially if you've found a nursery you like.

Two days a week in a nursery isn't dreadful at all.

Huge difference IMO between FT and PT nursery.

I would take p/t over f/t any day, even in those circumstances. Agree I'd consider a childminder or nanny if possible.

I put my ds1 in nursery at a similar age (pt) for similar reasons, in 1992 when ML was 12 weeks inc. 6 weeks before the birth.

People forget that this one year maternity leave thing is a modern invention.

I actually feel more secure with nursery I've found than an individual I don't know. I have no reccommendations and know no nannies so I feel the nursery option to be more accountable for safety etc. It's very open there and staff are warm. I popped in without calling the first time and they were happy to show us round rather than stage a model visit at an agreed time. Kids seemed happy and nice gardens. As I said he's very social. I loved nursery as a child myself. Obviously I'd mov him if it didn't work.

I think the 2 days sound like an amazing option, you are still getting 5 days a week with him.
Sounds like a great job!

Ignore the other mums and do what is right for your family. For what its worth, some of my NCT friends were horried when I went back to work almost full time at 6 months. 3 years later 2 of them hugely regret giving up their careers, would like to do something part time but have been out of the market too long.

The nursery also sounds lovely

I'd jump at the chance. Two days a week is a great balance.

That sounds perfect in the long term. Does the nursery do half day sessions? If so, I'd consider taking baby in for 3 or even 4 half days to start with rather than 2 full ones

I plan to start him the week before on mornings.
The reason I can afford pt is it's a promotion, paying the same as 3.5 days before mat. leave so it's actually a good career plan whatever I do in the future. I'm glad (and refreshed) to hear I'm not selfish as the local mums think...

do it. The other mums are prob just jealous of such a diamond opportunity

Grow a thick skin. Whatever you do other Mums will criticize you. Work - you are neglecting the kids. Don't work - you are not providing a very good role model, you don't want them tied to your apron strings. Which ever school - well a friends child was bullied there, or you can't believe OFSTED, or its too academic, not academic enough etc. etc.

Good luck!

It sounds as if it is a really good option for you especially since it will be long term and means that you will be able to spend a lot more time with you DS as he grows up. I think that many mums here forget that there are many countries where mums don't have the luxury of extended ML (the US for example have 6 weeks ML /8 weeks if mum had a CS).

You are doing what is best for you and your baby in the long run and I don't think other's have the right to judge your (very well considered) decisions.

Absolutely go for it - long term gain is too good to turn down.

I'm in a country where if you don't want to go back to work after 6 weeks ML, you have to resign, so lots of small babies not being with Mum FT, doesn't seem to do them any harm at all!

Do it.

I found that I was crying out for intellectual stimulation by 3 months, but didn't wish to leave ds ft.

So I stupidly waited (which really, I didn't have much choice over as most pt jobs were difficult to get at the time due to recession).

By the time I tried to get ds into a nursery so I could study (went back to uni to do a masters as a kind of compromise)he was older, more attached and it was a nightmare. He cried for hours at a time over being left with people....I just couldn't do it in the end. Would have been so much easier at 3 months. Now I can't even contemplate leaving him - he just wouldn't cope. Now I am waiting until he is 2 and a half!!
Do it!!

Golden opportunity - you are very mucky to have it. You will be a lot happier with variety.

I don't think you are being selfish at all - you are doing what's best for you both. You get time out to be you and a promotion and he gets time to be away from you (which I see as a good thing) and socialise with other children.

I personally didn't use a day nursey til my daughter was 18 months old. I didn't feel comfortable leaving her in a nursery setting as a baby. However, I realise I was lucky and had family to provide childcare whilst I worked, if my situation was different I may have had to send her to nursery from a few months old too.

I wouldn't use a nursery again. I would use a childminder or a nanny. Then they get a more "home from home" type of setting which I personally believe is better for younger babies.

Ultimately, it's your decision but sending him p/t to a lovely nursey isn't going to do him any harm and you'll all be happier/better off with you getting this career progression.

Well done on the promotion by the way!

If it feels right for you, then definitely go for it!
I'm not living in the UK and was only entitled to 55 days maternity leave when my DS was born, and not going back to work was just not a financial option for us.
I am very lucky that we have a great (in my opinion) creche on site, so I can go and see him/get there very quickly if necessary.
I feel that he's really benefited from it- the time we spend together is truely quality time. It also meant that he was in a great routine really quickly. And he is definitely not going to be a clingy baby at all!

When i talk to people who have had lovely, long maternity leave, I often think that I did exactly the same in mine, just in a much shorter period of time. Now, I know thats not necessarily a good thing, but you just have to make the most out the situations you're in eh?

Part time long term is much better than waiting til 9 months (when separation anxiety is kicking in and the whole process will be much more stressful for the baby) and going full time imo.