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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put my 3.5 month old baby in nursery

107 replies

strawberrycake · 02/07/2010 11:03

I'm being made to feel like an awful mother for doing this. Basically I have to work, but can afford to get by on p/t money. An excellent opportunity has come up at work for a 2 day a week well paid position and it's mine if I want it.

So my choice is-
return to work when baby is 3.5 months old for 2 days
or
wait the intended 9 months but then end up full time.

I decided the best option is the first as in the long run we have lots of quality time together and I can be around for him. I have taken him to a few nurseries to check them out and he seems to love the atmosphere. He's always loved new places/ people (we joke it started after being born with 12 people in the room!). He's not a clingy baby at all, doesn't really like too many cuddles or sleeping on people, happy in his cot and loves routine. Generally a very happy and healthy strapping boy.

However, whenever I tell other mums they react like I've decided to abandon him to the wolves! They are mainly not returning or taking the full year. I just want what's best fr him.

OP posts:

Jackstini · 02/07/2010 12:15

First option would be my choice to go for - sounds like that would be best for both of you.
I actually had no choice but to return ft but I work from home so dh went pt and both ours went to nursery pt.
One was 8 wks old, one was 11 wks and we never had any separation anxiety at all.
They are now 4 & 18mo - still pt and still love it.

ginnybag · 02/07/2010 12:27

I went back to work when my DD was nine weeks. Mainly because of the way Mat Leave is set up in this country!! Nine months is fab, but when you can't work more than ten days out of it without losing it and you absolutely (small company, new staff member, critical role) have to be in work for 14, you're sc**ed!

It wasn't ideal, but I was the one upset, not her. She loves every minute!

She is with a CM, rather than a nursery, but that was my choice.

In your circumstances, I'd definitely be taking option One!! Go PT, little one ill be fine and the varied routine will probably prove beneficial!

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/07/2010 12:31

Do it.

Think long term, the job sounds ideal and five days off with little one will be fab.

The nursery will look after him fine and he'll have a great time playing with others as he learns to interact.

cat64 · 02/07/2010 12:32

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Firawla · 02/07/2010 12:33

If this means you would always be on part time i think it does sound better than waiting 9 months or 1 yr and then going full time, its like a short term sacrifice for long term gain, in terms of time you will be getting with your child?
Originally when i saw the title i thought it was full time, was thinking that is so young for nursery, but 2 days i think will be okay and if the nursery is one you're really happy with it could be quite nice, i have seen nursery staff can feel quite genuinely attached to children who have been with them in the nursery from a very young age, so im sure they will take good care of him and you will get your other 5 days with him.
Im not suprised some other mums might act shocked when they hear he is in nursery but you have to ignore if you feel this is the right thing to do. whatever you do someone will say something

NorkyButNice · 02/07/2010 12:38

DS went to nursery at 6 months because I took an extra 3 months off work unpaid (was living in the US). The majority of children of his age had started full-time nursery at 12 weeks, and they all settled a lot better than he did at 6 months.

If it's part-time, and means he'll get to spend 3 days a week with you going forward then I'd absolutely go for it.

dinopiratesruleok · 02/07/2010 12:40

having used both nursery and childminders I would chose nursery everytime, consistent reliable and social and I dont think your DS will suffer or you are being a bad mother at all. Many people have to work and if you are lucky enough to be able to go pt you will be spending much more time with him overall. I know a lot of mothers who wish they could do this but are stuck working full time. Two days is a great balance.

swallowedAfly · 02/07/2010 12:41

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Cheappinkfizz · 02/07/2010 12:48

go for it! I have been working 3 days a week for 4 years and love it. I know i couldn't have coped with full time, the work/home life balance is now great.

The long term benefits will be worth it to you and ds!

Rhian82 · 02/07/2010 13:01

It sounds great. I came back to work for 3 days a week when DS was 5.5 months old. He took to nursery really well and the balance I have is great.

MumNWLondon · 02/07/2010 13:26

I would go back to work BUT would definately not but a child of that age in a nursery.

He'll just end up spending all day sitting in a baby chair, while the older babies "shout louder" - look at a childminder or a nanny.

TennisFan · 02/07/2010 13:35

sounds like a great opportunity for you, go for it and if you have found a good nursery then it sound perfect.
I used a nursery part-time for my DS when he was around 12 months old, and the same nursery 4 years later with DD when she was 3 months for fulltime.

They definitley no not just leave them strapped into baby chairs. Both my DC loved their time at the nursery which we choose - and the pastoral care was great. They are now 10 and 6, and still speak of the various members of staff fondly.

People who slag off nurseries have either never experienced them, or are just speaking of bad ones. But you can go see for yourself and speak to other parents for recomendations.

saltyseadog · 02/07/2010 13:38

Do it do it do it

sungirltan · 02/07/2010 13:41

take the 2 days and stop beating yourself up. if it doesn't work out you could renegotiate but give it a try :-)

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 02/07/2010 13:47

By taking this job you can work two days for the same money as 3.5 days in the old job?

do it do it do it. That's brilliant, well done you. i am utterly envious.

PDR · 02/07/2010 13:49

As many ppl have said, the UK is generous in its maternity provisions - I have a friend in Aus who went back to work full-time yesterday becuase she cannot afford not to (her DD is 3 months old)

She has her mum over from NZ for 3 months and then the baby will go f/t to nursery at 6 months old.

I have worked for 2 days a week since my DS was 8 months old and it has worked very well. He goes to a nursery which I carefully selected before he was even born and I trust them 100% with him.

Go for it!

Missus84 · 02/07/2010 13:51

MumNWLondon - that's a bit of a sweeping statement! Depends totally on the nursery - for a baby that age I'd choose one with a small baby room, eg 6 babies under 12 months. IME the youngest baby gets the most cuddles and attention.

thirdname · 02/07/2010 13:58

Agree with missus84, some childminders end up with 5 other school children to look after as well! Mine at nursery always have 2 adults, even if they only have my 3dc.

swallowedAfly · 02/07/2010 14:02

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juicy12 · 02/07/2010 14:05

I'd definitely take the job - great opportunity. But, for me, I couldn't leave a baby that age in a nursery and am in total agreement with MumNWLondon. But I would definitely find a nanny/nanny share, ideally and a childminder if that wasn't an option. Nanny sharing can work out pretty cost effective.

PDR · 02/07/2010 14:05

In the baby room at my DS's nursery the ratio is 2 babies per 1 staff member so they are rarely left in the boucy chair for very long. They take them outside for walks, have a sensory room where they go for 1 on 1 cuddles etc...

It toally depends on the nursery and how much you are prepared to pay out!

MumNWLondon · 02/07/2010 14:05

yes, sweeping statement, but a big risk IME with a non sitting/moving baby in a room with older ones...

also I had bad experience of a nursery when DD was 6 months in a room of older moving babies.

juicy12 · 02/07/2010 14:06

Forgot to say, too, that as your baby gets older you'll find that other people will always be a bit about what you do, esp if it's not the same choice you've made

juicy12 · 02/07/2010 14:07

"esp if it's not the same choice as they've made", not you.

swallowedAfly · 02/07/2010 14:10

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