Asking guests to bring stuff to a party

[LilyTheDrink]

AIBU to think it's a bit rude to ask guests to bring food to a party?

Depends on the party I guess.

Would need to know more before I could judge.

Not really ..

Depends. With my group of mates it is quite usual for everyone to contribute, particularly in the skinter days so that no one is footing a massive bill.

Not really rude I mean.. depends on the party tho...

also depends how it is asked "could you bring some of the lovely x that you make that always goes down so well" is better than "you're bringing y"...

50 people. This w/e. BBQ. I have to bring 12 chicken drumsticks. apparently. v. rich hosts.

For family parties like barbecues, I always give people an item to bring - normally salads and puddings so that I can concentrate on the rest of the food.

I was always knocking myself out trying to do everything and they were always offering to help with me saying no. One day I got smart and said yes. Works like a dream and everyone is happy to be contributing.

I think it's quite usual (and OK) to arrange an event for everyone i.e. "our" reunion and ask everyone to contibute, even though it might be at my house.

If it was "my" party I wouldn't - although I always offer when invited anywhere, people usually say no, so I'll take wine.

I had never heard of this 'bringing something along' until I met DH's family. They would have BBQ's and we would have to bring the burgers and stuff.

Personally I think if you are hosting a party, you should provide the food. Asking people to bring a bottle is acceptable. If its a small evening with friends, then saying about each bringing something is fine.

A BBQ for 50 people with rich hosts? Rude I think.

I would word the invitation as an "American Supper".

Yanbu but ...

Lets say there's a group of friends (or family) who would all like to get together for a party but need a venue to do so. No one wants to go for a hired hall, or the event is not big enough for that, so someone has to be host. If the person who volunteers to be the host asks people to bring a dish or make another contribution to the party, because it is an event that has been planned and agreed on by a group of people, then that is ok.

If the host just thinks "I know, I'm going to have a party" - then host provides all food. Most right-minded guests will bring a bottle.

Depends on the party, depends on the host, depends on the guests.

Most of the BBQs I have been too we take a plate of something. Makes things more interesting.

Not sure what money has to do with it? If I am having a flash dinner party then I will provide everything, if we are having a mates/family get together then I will get people to bring stuff along.

Too many variables to say whether or not YABU.

Depends very much on the occassion, the type of party, and the group of friends.

In our group of friends everyone always takes/brings something, a pudding, some dips that sort of thing, it is some thing we have always done.

Went to a friends on Sunday to watch the footy and they did a BBQ, we took a massive basket of strawberries

This is pretty standard for BBQs isn't it? Every barbecue I have ever been to people take a type of meat/fish/veggie dish/salad and the hosts are responsible for the cooking.
YABU

yy to family - I thinks it's fine then, but our link is via work (DH colleague).

Totally agree would always bring a bottle and offer to bring food but being told what to bring gets my goat.

I am doing DD's b'day tomorrow (bouncy castle for kids plus snacks, drinks and b'day cake) followed by BBQ. Peeps have been told that if they want to stay to the BBQ it might be nice if they could bring something but I would never stipulate exactly what or how much... I am doing 2 salads plus raw veg and veg kebabs, and we have a bit of spare sausage, but this being Poland people will bring too much stuff anyway and we will be awash in meat till the New Year... But could not feed 50 singlehanded and no-one would expect me to.

So I think depends on the situation - here no-one would come to a BBQ without bringing something anyway but don't know UK etiquette.

well I just did a huge party for DH for his 40th - 70s disco in a hall. I provided loads - most of the buffet, lots of retro drinks, sweets, music and entertainment. I did write on the invitations "if you are happy to bring a plate of food for the buffet please let me know" and about 50% of guests did and I asked them to bring specific things. Logistically with 3 young children I struggled to get it all done on the night anyway but it really lightened my load and my friends were happy to do this for us, so in a way I think YABU. But it's all about how it's worded - I wouldn't like to not have the choice.

Is 12 drumsticks going to break you?

YANBU.

I have taken food along to informal get togethers before (baked a cake to help the hostess out). But, I have always offered. If I was asked, I would be fairly miffed.

I dont see the point in hosting a party if others have to bring their own food. Am quite happy for my guests to bring a bottle / flowers. Wouldnt dream of asking them to cook.

One of my friends makes the best potato salad I have ever eaten so she is always asked to bring that, another does this crunchy salad thing and so on. So I have asked for specific things.

Don't go if you don't want to, but I don't think it is so bad to ask you to bring along some chicken legs if everyone is taking bits along, presumably they are providing venue, lots of other food and booze.

I think that in the situation you describe then YANBU. For all the host knows (assuming they don't know you well) you could be vegetarian yet it has been dictated you will bring chicken! It is wrong for many reasons.

Your host (imo) should have catered the food themselves. As others have said most guests to such an event would either turn up with a bottle or ask the host "may I bring anything". In this situation the correct response from the host (imo) would respond to a colleague/colleague's dp that there is no need but thank you. Guest would bring a token bottle or possibly chocolates/flowers instead regardless.

Family completely different of course.

In my circle I would not expect anyone to bring anything (other than a bottle, possibly) if I had invited them to something.

Incidentally I am having a get together in a couple of weeks - the other mothers from dd's class at school. Several have asked what can I bring, I have responded how I feel is appropriate/polite. i.e. reassuring them that I shall be providing wine, soft drinks and nibbles but if they would like to bring alternatives then they are most welcome too.

I am hoping that some might bring a bottle, but if they don't I am getting stocks in anyway so no big deal.

Looks about 50/50.

Did you get an actual written invitation? That would be my variable I think.

If it is a word of mouth sort of invite then OK to ask people to bring things, if you have actually sent out invitations then I think you need to cater.