Asking guests to bring stuff to a party

[LilyTheDrink]

AIBU to think it's a bit rude to ask guests to bring food to a party?

YANBU.

I don't think it's polite to ask (or expect) people to bring something unless they offer.

However it's always nice if people ask if there's anything they can bring, or just bring something anyway.

My friend had a housewarming bbq and said it would be good if people could bring food, alcohol, fireworks, gifts etc ... not sure if many people did as I couldn't make it!

I think if you're hosting then you provide, as it's your hospitality. Then when someone else organises a party, they reciprocate and provide the food and effort.

it all depends IMO on whether it is actually a 'party' or whether it's just a gathering of people.

it would be very sad if everybody always felt they couldn't invite people round for a garden bbq unless they could afford to provide all the food and drink for all.

but of course, nobody would expect to bring food to a dinner party...

so it depends really.

oh rubbersoul if my friends bring me gifts I shall do horrible things to them - they know I've just had a huge clear out and likewise wit fireworks - I@m terrified of them unless at a VERY safe distance

Have'nt read the thread...but no..never heard of bring a bottle?...but it does depend I suppose??...but tbh I really see nothing wrong with it..

You have never heard of a bring a bottle party?!!!!are you forrin?

Whenever we go to Barbecues we always take something so do the other geasts, 12 chicken drumsticks isn't that much.

we must be the common folk cat - where we and all our friends are too skint to host a party without contributions from everyone, and where we don't care what state of dress we or the house are in when someone knocks unexpectedly at the door

Doesn't it work out the same though, if instead of buying 1 food item to attend each of 15 parties, you save up to host your own party with 15 food items?

15 parties? OMG I don't think I've been to 15 parties in total since I was in my teens

Well let's say 5 parties then, more realistic

Or even 2, or 3... it doesn't matter, it's just the principle of you host/buy food one time, friend hosts another time, and it works out fairly.

yes that's more like it.

Have been to around that number - but have been with totally different groups of friends so it's not been a "tit for tat" (wrong expresson but you know what I mean I hope ) exchange of food items.

Specifying chkn dstx is a bit rude!

I'm off 'glamping' for a friend's 40th this weekend. Each family is paying for their yurt/caravan/tent space & there's also a general assumption that everyone brings booze & the contents of their fridge...

...but if it's a workmate's do, then a suggestion that guests bring a bottle '& stuff for the BBQ if you'd like to' sounds reasonable to me. If I were hosting it, I'd definitely expect to provide food - any donations would be a bonus.

I have friends round for dinner, I would cook, friends may offer to bring a pudding (and I would accept) friends would pretty much always bring a bottle or 2

bigger parties, often people would offer to brind something, and I would accept - but under the circumstances of gthe OP I would not ask!

if a social group are getting together for an event - say church group social or class night out and one famikly hosts, I would expect to share out the load.

friends of ours have much bigger house nad garden so generally host the BBQ's for that circle of friends, but we always take meat, wine and maybe a pud to share the load - much easier to have the party where there is the space, but not fair for them to provide everything every time.

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Not sure. If it is called a pot luck dinner, everyone brings a dish. It seem reasonable in theory, but the way she worded it sounds rude. Perhaps she is new to hosting and didn't know a more diplomatic way to ask? If you don't drink alcohol, don't bother bringing a bottle.

the 'norm' here seems to be that for a bbq, the hosts provide the main food - eg burgers & buns, and soft drinks.

everyone else takes a salad/desert and alcohol. that way the host isn't providing too much (time & money wise) but there's plenty to go around & not too many duplicates of main dishes.

i think a bbq, which is more informal, it is quite normal to take stuff to. i would always take alcohol/drink unless you were in a bar.

still, a bit too controlling to specify who brings what - pot luck is the normal attitude.

See I and my friends do it differently. We provide the salads, crisps, dips, the baps and the extras but ask people to bring their own meat. That way there is less wastage of the more expensive commodity. We also supply soft drinks and some alcohol but would always assume that others bring more - which they always do.

We do have a few special requests - one friend makes the best cheesecakes so is always asked to do one of those, another does a great coleslaw and so on.

However, I would draw the line at telling people which meat to bring - that's not polite.

Just stop by KFC on your way there. Sorted.

I'm in Oz and have found that "bring a plate" is common. Not sure if the story about the person who actually did bring a plate thinking the hosts were short of crockery is an urban myth or not

I don't mind bringing stuff but was well hacked off recently to be asked casually "oh, can you bring one of those yummy X cakes you make". Said cake is full of expensive ingredients that I don't have lying around and has to be started the day before; the event was a casual lunch for 4 girlfriends. I said no - if it had been someone's birthday and I was asked if I minded making the birthday cake that would have been fine.