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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking guests to bring stuff to a party

120 replies

LilyTheDrink · 29/06/2010 20:29

AIBU to think it's a bit rude to ask guests to bring food to a party?

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 29/06/2010 20:48

I think asking people to bring specific things to eat to a party which was your idea anyway, is COMPLETELY naff.

Original poster
LilyTheDrink · 29/06/2010 20:49

It was written on the invite. "PBAB & 12 chick drumstix" just like that.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 29/06/2010 20:50

Tell them to fuck the fuck off!

Do you actually WANT to go to this miserable-sounding event?

compo · 29/06/2010 20:50

My bil asked us to bring the cheese course when he invited us for Xmas dinner
who the hell has cheese after the biggest meal of the year so of course it wasn't used
bet they feasted on it on boxing day
I didn't mind really but when I told my mum she was very

mistletoekisses · 29/06/2010 20:51

I agree BBH

moondog · 29/06/2010 20:51

Being told to would piss me off.
I've just had some people over.
All bought wine, one brought flowers too and another brought fruit from her garden.

Wine is expected sort ofv(ie would be pissed off if someone turned up without a bottle but anything else completely voluntary.)

usualsuspect · 29/06/2010 20:51

Thats kinda funny tho ...I would love to receive an invite like that

omnishambles · 29/06/2010 20:51

Totally normal to take something to an informal bbq - I often expect the hosts to have done the salads and rolls etc and all the trimmings but would take my own homemade kebabs etc - this maybe because I'm a food snob tho and cant eat cheap burgers.

We are having a big do in August that we have catered the main bits of the meal - 65 people coming and a few people have asked if they can do something - mostly family or very close friends and so have been delegated a potato salad etc. I would never delegate the main for that sort of thing though - its enough that people may be coming from a long way away.

In lots of other cultures you take your own food to parties though. [shrugs]

Morloth · 29/06/2010 20:52

Bit of an overreaction bibbity OP could always just say "No thanks" if she doesn't like the sound of it.

Did I miss a bit? What makes it miserable sounding? Maybe everyone else is happy to bring stuff along.

What is PBAB?

JacobBlacksBitch · 29/06/2010 20:52

Not really - we had lovely BBQ on Sunday & were asked to bring something for BBQ & salad. Everyone contributes, the host contributed loads anywhay but if he had to do it all then he might not do it. I'd rather go to 5 BBQ & contribute, than one where I didn't.

We occasionally go to 'pot luck' dinners (think it's an NZ thing?) where everyone brings a dish & we have a buffet. ALWAYS works out with a great variety of mains, salads, pudding etc.

Another kiwi thing (from my Mum's era - not sure if it still goes on now) is an invite to a party with the tagline "ladies a plate please" subsequently amended to 'bring a plate please" - that would be a plate with some food on it. You can take your plate home.

These are all about, being able to throw a party/bbq, without having to take on large financial and/or time burden I guess. Just because you can't afford to cover the whole cost, doesn't mean your guests won't come & won't have a great time. I've been to/had some magic pot luck dinners.

But if I was v.rich, I'd supply all the food & booze!

CoupleofKooks · 29/06/2010 20:54

"PBAB & 12 chick drumstix"

LOLOL
well that is just bonkers not sure about rude
was it a text or could they just not be bothered to write the extra 2 letters in chicken and 2 in drumsticks? that must have saved them about 1.5 seconds

mistletoekisses · 29/06/2010 20:54

pbab - please bring a bottle. so not only do you have to take food, but also booze.

honestly? with an invite like that, I'd saty at home and eat my own food and drink my own booze. think it makes them seem so very cheap.

CoupleofKooks · 29/06/2010 20:54

you would have to reply "fk the fk f" really, wouldn't you

Pennies · 29/06/2010 20:55

Have had a similar invitation here. Interesting to read these responses.

lisbey · 29/06/2010 20:56

I had all DH family and SIL Ils for Christmas once. BIL's mother didn't offer to bring anything (as everyone else has) but insisted we could afford to do it all and wanted to give us cash

The wording on that invitation is awful. What is the occasion? Is it a "work" do that has been discussed ta your DH's work or is it "their" party? Maybe they all agreed that the food would be provided in this way?

FolornHope · 29/06/2010 20:56

i think if its a group of mates then they can balrdy do it.
spec as IME there is always ONE couple who hosts and all the liggers turn up

DITTO family party

MaamRuby · 29/06/2010 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov · 29/06/2010 20:57

REALLY narks me. most of you are talking about a totally different thing. if someone makes a fab coleslaw, asking them to make one, 'would you mind, because everyone loves yours' is a totally different thing.
we had mil's 80th on sat. was lovely. as soon as i heard months ago, i rang the appropraite sil ( there are 6 of them !!) and as ususal asked what she would like me to do. all brothers, sils' always do the same. we had bbq. so much meat. salads. sil2 was in charge of deserts etc etc. god they throw a fab friggin party do my dh's family.

but, as an alternative, on the first england match, we were invited to a bbq by friends of ours. they live in a huge house and, well i'm sorry, they are lovely, but very very tight. they earn a fortune and parents are rich. they asked us to bring all food, all drinks and everything we would need. dh phoned and asked her dh what exactly it was that he was contributing. he said, we're hosting. really, asked dh .

when we throw parties. we throw parties. hog roasts. coleslaws . salads. lay on loads of booze. but all our friends bring loads and loads with them also. tons of booze, wine etc etc. now THATS the way to do it.

so Op, YANBU. they are tight as arses

minipie · 29/06/2010 20:57

Depends really whether it's a "party" or a last minute informal get together.

If you've been invited for weeks, written invitation, that sort of thing... I'd expect them to provide the food (but would bring a bottle).

If it's an impromptu, everyone let's get together this weekend, thing... asking people to bring food is totally normal. Especially for a BBQ as meat is pricey. (However, I wouldn't expect hosts to specify exactly what I had to bring - that's kind of rude I think.)

omnishambles · 29/06/2010 20:57

Would you honestly expect people to supply booze for 50 people at a bbq though - I wouldnt no matter how rich they were - much more rude to turn up emptyhanded imo.

bibbitybobbityhat · 29/06/2010 20:57

I'm obviously specatcularly missing the point of being invited to parties!

God, the shame at the number of events I've been to where I have not brought along a plate of food .

PeedOffWithNits · 29/06/2010 20:58

i reckon OP has the hump because she is a veggie and objects to bringing drumsticks she will not eat!

gorionine · 29/06/2010 20:58

"I would word the invitation as an "American Supper"

That made me smile as back home we call it "Canadian picnic"

FolornHope · 29/06/2010 20:58

ime its a sign of freindship to offer to help - ob you wouldnt take it BOSSES party or something

2old4thislark · 29/06/2010 20:59

I think in this case it sounds a bit out of order BUT I do like it when people OFFER to bring something if I'm having a party. It can be a lot of work and sometimes it's hard just finding fridge space to store it all in advance.

I always take a pudding as I like making them
and have a killer chocolate cheesecake recipe.

I do Boxing Day most years for my extended family (last year 17 adults and 6 kids) and only one person offered to bting food. So I decided f**k 'em and won't be doing it again. It's too much on top of Christmas. One lovely person bought pretzels and lebkuchen! Yuk!