to think my friend is wrong for feeding her dc baby jars?

[haribomum]

had my df over last night with her 2 dcs and asked them if they wanted to stay for tea. she replied yes and that she had already bought something for her dcs. she then got out of her bag 2 heinz baby jars suitable from 4 months, the really runny pureed type!!! now i would not have a problem with this but her dcs are 3 and 4 years old. she then sat them to the table whilst mine had lasagne and force fed them these jars. it was horrendous. both dc were crying and protesting but she still made them eat it.

ive been thinking this over since last night and a few things are bothering me. she never lets her dcs have any fruit or veg, infact the 4 yr old is allowed to have sandwiches etc but she says she the 3yr old is onloy allowed jars and skips, as they melt in your mouth and chocolate buttons.

this seems crazy to me and im worried about the poor dcs. AIBU for thinking this is wrong and in some way child abuse???

Does seem a lot bit over the top. Did something happen to make your friend worry about choking?

Did you ask her why she fed them jars of baby food?

really they only have 4 month old baby jars, how are they still alive they should be severely mal and under nourished if this is the case....

Wow, that is seriously weird. Presumably they haven't been on jars entirely since they were weaned, though, like whoneedslseep says?

It seems very odd

How could you not say anything especially if her children were crying?

I was already to say that everyone has a choice how to feed their dc's then saw their ages!
I think jumping to the conclusion that this its self is child abuse is a bit quick unless you have other concerns.
It seems to me your friend is a bit misguided and has issues around them not choking if she only allows slurp and melt in the mouth foods.
Could you talk to her about your concerns? the 4 year old will be at school school and will be unable to eat school dinners and this will be picked up.
Get advice of HV and give to her or talk to HV about your concerns?

That sounds awful tbh. The no fruit and veg rule is very worrying, even if they look healthy they won't be on a diet like that poor things.

That's a bit wierd. I'd understand if she was using the jars as a sauce with pasta etc, but on their own for a 4 year old?

It does sound like she's overly paranoid about choking. Does she know of a child who has choked to death, or had an incident with one of her own children choking?

Or does she baby them in other ways too? Do they still have nappies, bottles, dummies etc?

Does she make her own purees for them too, or just use jars?

maybe it is the choking thing if she lets them have skips, buttons other melt in mouth stuff but she must give them other things too as they can't survive on that?

i did say something. i said df they are quite welcomt to have what i have cooked as they obviously dont want the jars. she snapped at me saying my kids my rules basically. i just feel so sorry for the dcs.

edam yes i think they have been eating them since they were weaned. when her dc1 was younger she had real issues with wait gain and obsessivelly feeding her. she at one point when she was 6 months old was feeding her 6 of the jars a day!! she looked really orange aswell poor mite. she also lets them have fromage frais and chocolate mousse not much else. and they both are still on formula in bottles!!

I just can't imagine my 3 and 4 year old 'letting' me force feed them from a jar - and I don't mean just crying, they would get up and run a mile.

I'm not sure I wouldn't have been able to say something - it is highly unusual!

(BTW both dds do think that Hipp Organic cocoa and vanilla pudding - suitable from 6 months is the biggest treat in the world)

OMG you have to tell someone, im not sure who but someone, these kids are bound to be seriously underweight and malnurished..

Are they often ill?

tbh it was awful for my dcs sat at the table witnessing this. her dcs were crying and screaming, taking the slop out of their mouths with their hands and saying 'no mummy', yet she made them both eat it. was truely awful to watch. i think meal times should be relaxeing and enjoyful for my dcs not distressing.

I think she has a problem, maybe you could try and talk to her again..

i know that i need to tell someone but my friend would never forgive me. i would feel like i am being disloyal to her. i just think her dcs need some help. not sure what to do

They only have formula milk to drink too??

why the biscuit amother?

That does sound upsetting

Can you not talk to her if she is a good friend

Is this the first time you have ever had a meal with them before?

yes they are still given formula. she also lets them have juice aswell so they are not dehydrated

Shes going to make her children ill, if she were my friend and she didnt listen to me I think I would have to still tell someone for the sake of the children

She clearly has many issues around food and weight

Speak to your HV and ask her advice on the way to try to proceed

ruby she has avoided being around us at mealtimes, as she knows that i disagreed with her when her dc1 was younger about these jars. so i did not know they were still having them.

This is tough

Also very odd

Speak to your HV