Some people are saying they don't know what it's like but would like to understand. OK then.
DS1 is 10, ds3 is six, bothy ahve ASD. DS23 is nine and has dyspraxia also so whilst he has a lot of extra difficulties- for example falls over a lot, has real self esteem issues, struggles with dressing properly- he can be trusted to be unsupervised generally.
DS4 is an NT typical 2.3 year old who is already overtaking ds3 in many ways and indeed deferring to him which is a bit sad but there you go.
IIn the mornings I get up before 6 so I can get everything done and then supervise them every second when theya re up; they can't really help, not with toast making or anything (DS1 can make squash etc but not knives or hot things) and need clothes l;aid out as a toddler would. If I ask ds1 to fetch something he might, or far more likely he'll have forgotten before he elaves the room: DS3 always will ahve forgotten, tbh ds4 is mroe reliable with that sort of thing if he knows the word.
if I leave ds3 he just stops, or he might get anxious. DS1 might behave. Or he might grab his school tie and wrap ita round someones neck, or hit someone with a stick he ahs hidden 9we dont always maange to find them); at mealtimes he hides food in his clothes to avoid eating it, tips it into corners, pops it into someone elses bowl and pretends its theirs. Or maybe does the opposite and raids the fridge for foods he is allergic to: dairy mainly, that gives him diarrhoea and we dont know if he does it on purpose becuase it helps keep his weight low, or just accepts it.
He doesnt tlak to us about bodily functions etc (or anything much unless we know the right question to ask) so we don't know.
I have a garden with a 6 foot fence on a quiet blane so I can let them in the agrden but never with a door closed between us in case he gets a stick or goes over the wall into next door. If they foudn old food chuckled in or an old bottle they would simply eat or drink it witout thinking: luckily becuase of where we are thats rare but it does happen of course. they dig sconstantly and often take shoes etc off and as we have holly (Landladies soc ant just pull it up) injuries whilst not common are not rare either.
We don't have any non edible palnts barring the holly.
in the evening we have to supervise them getting dressed and if ds1 is having a bath it tkaes 2 to lift him in as he tears at us; ds3 is OK but need watching as a one year old would. We replace bathrrom flooring twice a year as they chuck water everywhere and it gets damaged. They go up between 8 and 9 but thats in no way the end of it. DS4 isn;t safe with them up there so has to stay down with us until we go up- ds1 took ds3 out of his cot and he was badly hurt, maybe even causing his brain damage (no way of knwoing). DS1 loses his temper a lot with ds4 and ds3 never does but wou8ld not know not to put a toy over his ehad as he slept, or anything. So we don;t do it.
Up doesn't mean sleep; we take it in turns to go up and down checking, it's not quite as bad now they;ve discovered ds's but thre's a risk from the recharger leads and ds3 would chew a battery pack. DS1 has a lock on his door for the worst times but we try ahrd not to use it; it is SSD approved.
DS3 ususally settles byb 11 but will need attention overnight (doesn't get DLA for that though, we gave up that little battle). By that point his room will ahve been turned upspde down and will look as if it needs burnbing down, wardrobe upside down, drawer fronts off. We spring clean level tidy every daya nd still can't get on top of it. DS1 is similar but destroys furniture as well. Wardrobes, beds... we've given up on curtains even though we're on a road as they swing off them and hurt themselves. ds1 probably settles around midnight, once asleep he only wakes a few times IF he ahs soemone in with him- atm ds2 does this by choice as I am still BF ds4 (anything we can that might help his development, silly though I know some people think it is). DH snored too much and doesn't wake even for smoke alarms. I used to checvk them 2 hourly, now I only do it twice a night- often they ahve moved rooms, are on teh floor, have something wrapped around thir necks you enver thought they would......
Then it starts agin. And I don;t mind becuase they're my boys and actually it gets a bit easier with ds1 as years go on, you learn not to trigger things and we have runs of good stuff, and ds3 is incredibly cute and toddler like with not an ounce of badness in him but it's hard, and it's the silly little things like a taxi so i don't have an extra drive to ds3's SNU 10km away to manage, or the CM we pay for from DLA that we use to either get some sleep, tidy or even have a sandwich togetehr (why DH is still with me I shall never know) that make it a life. A good life then, insofar as we are a happy and tight family. But good doesn't preclude hard.
DS1 even has 1-1 at all times at school; eitehr a teacher in class or a specially paid for TA at every break or luncvhtime.. He's 11 in December, that's scary. His classmates meet over the park, or walk to the bakery.... ds1 can't even walk from class to dining hall without getting into trouble.