To be furious that DD was alone when I came home??

[ApocalypseCheese]

DD has asd and a statement which covers her from the moment she leaves home to the moment she gets home. IE she is never unsupervised for her own safety.

Got home from shopping earlier and the poor thing was sat on the sofa panicing, one phonecall to the school reveals there were hardly any kids on the transport bus so dd was home quite a lot earlier than usual.
The front door wasnt locked as i've lost my front door key, dp had left for work earlier and left it open for me/the builders.

Not good enough, these people are trusted to care for my child when i'm not there, heads will roll in the morning

"I don't go into school to check that there are teachers in the building - do you?"

I do. I take my son right to his classroom and sometimes walk him into it. If there are no responsible adults (teachers, TAs, parent helpers, etc) I stick around for a minute or two.

And at home, if there is no adult in the same room as either of my boys (both with ASD, one with ADHD, too) then they ARE unsupervised. Things Happen in the time it takes me to go for a pee because they are unsupervised for those few minutes. The boy's bedroom is a wreck because they spend time in it, unsupervised.

Would just like to add for a child to get a statement that says they can NEVER be left unsupervised, is not something the local authority would dish out like smarties. They are not known for their generosity and statements are bloody hard to get, especially for that level of supervision.

So there is nothing special about this treatment, it is NEEDED.

I agree Claw.

LEA didnt really have a leg to stand on when it came to my demands for dds welfare, she bears the scars from her previous school and lack of support, literally. At the age of 5 she was self harming, final straw came when I found her punching herself in the face, blood streaming from her arms where she'd clawed at herself.

She didnt go back to that school, the one she attends now would only take her if she got full support That and the fact I had a few temper tantrums and made a few threats.(her anxiety and the fact she is so vulnerable is her main issue ) she has thrived ever since, don't know of anybody else with her generous statement tho !

I'm presuming that as you arrived home 3.10pm and she was already there she was at least 15 minutes early which can happen but I do agree you should be informed. I work at SLD/PMLD school and when 2 children in wheelchairs are absent from 1 bus the bus can be 1/2 hour earlier than planned and if a parent does school run to their nearest school for siblings they cannot be home so escorts ring/wait.

YANBU to be concerned about dd being along BUT I do think its a series of events that have occured (manly due to assumption) and a simple discussion about it not happening again would be best as this time nothing serious occured.

Apocalypse, im in a very similar situation myself. self harming, taken him out of old school etc, weekely therapy at CAMHS for anxiety and in the process of getting a statement for ds. He has started at a new school with full time 1:1 on Thursday, without a statement in place yet. Ive had to fight every step of the way and statement isnt in place yet.

AC - My boys both have statements that point out that they can't be left alone for a minute. All the same, DS2's proposed statement for reception has him with help for the "full school day" and DS1 with support for 75-100%, which must include breaks and lunchtimes (the school make sure he has full support, apart from some early mornings, when he's a lot calmer!)

I wonder if it would be any different if they had transport? I know I wouldn't feel comfortable if they had to take a bus or taxi to school and didn't have dedicated support on the journey (from someone other than the driver)

'I wonder if it would be any different if they had transport? I know I wouldn't feel comfortable if they had to take a bus or taxi to school and didn't have dedicated support on the journey (from someone other than the driver)'

ouryve the first day my ds went back to his school at the age of about 6/7 there was no escort as the LEA had mixed up the dates I had to get taxi to drop dd's at their school then go with the driver the 18 miles to school.
Another cock up by the LEA 2 years later meant his taxi company had their licenses revoked at 3.30 in the afternoon for having no insurance ds was on his way home we as parents asked what would of happened in case of accidents they didn't know we bloody well did.I actually took ds and his friend to school and back every day for a fortnight afterwards until they got a new taxi company so they where in their routine.

Can't be arsed to read all of this thread.
Have I missed something??!!!
If my SN child was dropped off without the driver/escort passing him over to a responsible adult, I would be HORRIFIED, LIVID, WRITING TO THE PRESS.
Imagine a toddler being dropped off to an empty house, then you have some idea of the lunacy of dropping off a SN child off and just leaving them on the doorstep.

yanbu,youre being a caring responsible parent-who wouldnt be furious in those circumstances??

i dont understand the horribleness of some of the attacks on you!!

This may not be entirely relevant but:
Someone I used to know suffered a mental breakdown and was sectioned. He was on 24hr supervision and suicide watch. He was not to be left unsupervised at any time - and yet someone turned their back/forgot to watch/was distracted for long enough for him to escape out of the dining room and onto the roof, from where he jumped and killed himself.

Constant supervision means constant. It only takes a minute or two (and it appears AC's DD was alone for more than that) for something to go horribly wrong. And - iirc, although AC's DD is 11yo in actual age, her mental age is that of a 6yo - no one would leave a 6yo alone in a house for any length of time, surely?

No doubt I've now introduced another irrelevance into the thread but I'm just trying to point out how serious a lapse in supervision could be.

AC Exactly how many steps is it from your front door to the bus?

ApocalypseCheese - I would want to clarify that the same thing wouldn't happen again...I hope by know you have assurances that it won't happen again. People are human and mistakes happen and this time nothing untoward happened but you need to ensure it doesn't happen again!

Star, omg, I havent counted what sort of mother am I ??!

the school should have let you know!!! id be fuming if i were you!!!

YANBU. A handover means that and an unlocked door means nothing other than that the door is unlocked.It doesn't necessarily mean that someone is in the home,as the home owner might have forgotten to lock the door,even if someone is in the home it doesn't meanthat they ought to be there or are capable of looking after the child e.g the builders.

I had lunch yesterday with a friend who is an escort on a bus and she was shocked that they'd do this.
She said she'd never consider leaving her charges without directly handing them over to their parent/s as the child could run out of the house or come to harm within their home if unsupervised. It takes just a minute.

Not read the thread only the op. My ds is dropped off my transport, his escort has to ensure someone is home, if no-one is home they are taken back to school and the parents have to collect them themselves. I dont think YABU.

Borderlass, that's pretty shocking

OP, if you are still reading this mammouth thread, I'd just like to say something slightly unreasonable

What a crazy thread, throughout which I've learnt many things, half about the nature of forums, & half about sn's.
So here's the unreasonable bit comng up: although I'd be terrified to start a thread in AIBU, please be brave enough to post here again!

Please don't only post in SN in the future, or other parents with dcs with sns for that matter. It's by reading threads like this that people learn what it's like to have a child with sn.
I don't think I am totally ignorant or unempathetic, but did learnt alot by reading this. I think that people do need exposure & info in order to understand & relate to your situation, & although you shouldn't have to act as a 'public service broadcast', your post (& others like it) are a great way of getting this.
It's better than a top down education of people, as it's a real insight into your daily life, hopes, fears & routines. So, if I meet someone in rl now with similar circs to yours, I hope I'll be that little bit more able to understand their perspective, & not offend by wrong assumptions or lack of understanding... & every thread or post that makes people think or understand a bit more is a little step forwards.

Do you think some of the confident YABU statements came from a lack of real empathy with not being able to leave your dc's unattended at any time? Because I think it takes a leap of imagination to really understand what that means & how it would change their behaviour if that applied to their dc's. Until people really think about it, it's easy to dismiss the reality of what that means.

I know this is not your responsibility & peoples lack of understanding must be ruddy annoying at best, & bloody hurtful at worst, but here's my plea to not give up on people who with a bit of info, can be less grating to parents of sn dc's!

So, sorry you got flamed on here, & good that it's become a more reasonable thread over time (although bizarrely obssessed with details, v weird!), and thanks for helping me understand a bit more about children with sn, & the life their parents lead!

That was nice susie

Well said Susie! If only more people were as upfront and honest!

ApocalypseCheese Firstly, YANBU at all.

Secondly, It has not been many time's i've been so ashamed at the responses i've read by other mothers, other humans towards another human being, on this forum before, as I have reading this thread.
I am so so saddened by the ignorance, and sometimes disgusting, abusive, despicable posts i've read here. I'm so sorry you've had to read such vile things, by people with NO empathy let alone sympathy, of a mother, clearly in shock, about a finding her child, alone, at home, SN or otherwise, distressed. Let alone a child who should not be left alone for her own safety.

comments such as being lucky to have a "bespoke service" that poster should be utterly ashamed. Clearly NOT understanding the situation one iota. HAve you apologised yet? Have you actually understood the situation yet which is not difficult too comprehend. It was and has been explained by many with great sympathy. I've still not seen an apology from those leaving such horrible posts.

The constant banging on about "leaving the front door open" what has that to do with this? it was not OPEN anyway, it was UNLOCKED - not the same. THe arrangement for the OP's 11 yr old child for the last 6 years has been adult to adult handover. NO MORE, NO LESS. NOT let child walk through unlocked door without seeing adult to hand over to.

The fact a mum came home 10 minutes earlier than the bus is due, yet still found her DD alone and scared/distressed. CONSTANTLY referred to. WHy? what has this to do with a fundamental failure of the care the OP PAYS for. bespoke, indeed!!

I"ve been SO outraged and upset by this thread and too many of the responses, it just saddens me immensely that human kind can be so bloody unkind.

posting in AIBU is totally irrelevant. Many of the replies have just been inexcusable.

To the OP, I really hope you are both OK and that your DD has no lasting worries or effects from what has happened, and that it never happens again.

I apologise more, for actually keeping this thread going, I'd not seen the date of your OP.

OK haven't read the vitriol or any barking mad comments.

But the way transport here works is that we are given a time we have to be here by which is 10 minutes earlier than ds1's official pick up/drop off time. So in the morning he is picked up at 8.40am so he has to be ready by 8.30 am. In the evening he is dropped at 3.40 pm so I have to be here at 4.30 pm. This is all set out every year on a letter we are sent from the council - you should have a similar letter.

If no-one is here when ds1 arrives home the procedure is to continue the round, try again at the end, and if someone still isn't there take ds1 to a police station. I would be LIVID if he was dropped off alone - for starters when we're here with him every door and window is locked - if he could freely exit the house he could easily end up dead.

I've always been here - but sometimes I do arrive at 3.25pm - I have other children and they need me to attend their sports days/school events sometimes rather than wait in just in case their brother arrives home at a time he shoulnd't. And I work.

I haven't read the thread because it seeemed a bit insane but I would be kicking off merry hell in your shoes.

Oh it was Wedensday - ds1 was 10 minutes early as well. I would have been furious if he'd been left alone because there was a football match on. But he never would be - his escorts know he can't even walk on the street alone without someone holding onto him (he's 11). Usually I come to the bus door to collect him but on Wednesday the escort appeared at the front door holding his hand (they were rushing!) - but they absolutely would not have left him- they know he cannot be left.

If someone working with ds1 ever left him anywhere completely unsupervised in an unlocked space I would expect them to be sacked tbh.

when I day '10 minutes early' I mean at 3.30 pm rather than 3.40 pm. So still within the time I have been told to be at home.