To be furious that DD was alone when I came home??

[ApocalypseCheese]

DD has asd and a statement which covers her from the moment she leaves home to the moment she gets home. IE she is never unsupervised for her own safety.

Got home from shopping earlier and the poor thing was sat on the sofa panicing, one phonecall to the school reveals there were hardly any kids on the transport bus so dd was home quite a lot earlier than usual.
The front door wasnt locked as i've lost my front door key, dp had left for work earlier and left it open for me/the builders.

Not good enough, these people are trusted to care for my child when i'm not there, heads will roll in the morning

Beach goes again.

JessRabbit if you are going to accuse someone of lying on the basis of something they never actually said why don't you just come right out and say so?

Here's a tip for you - read posts properly in order to not make a fool of oneself.

JessRabbit

1. The OP wasn't "late" for the designated handover time

1. Would you have been ok if the escort had let the DD into the house on her own (not forgetting the legal requirement ot HANDVER) if OP had been hit by the bus she was waiting for, and therefor unable to get back home to meet her DD even if she wanted to?

It amazes me that people accuse posters of inaccuracy/deception if they don't put every detail including their inside leg measurement in the opening post! Surely the OP can be an opener but you can add detail later without being in the wrong? AIBU is an emotive forum, surely it is acceptable to announce your problem and leave it open to DISCUSSION? Or is a snap decision the only way deal?

A DC with severe autism, to the point where they have even managed to get a statement saying that they should not be left unsupervised, cannot be left unsupervised. It is the equivalent of leaving a 2 year old toddler unsupervised, it is that unsafe for the child. There is NO WAY that an escort who is paid to supervise an autistic child should be leaving them unsupervised at ALL. How many of you MN'ers woukd leave a 2 year old unsupervised? It doesn't matter if the door is unlocked or open, or if a party is apparently in full swing, blah-de-blah, the escort should not have left the property or the child until she could see one of the NAMED responsible adults, and made huge efforts to contact the responsible adult. If the escort is/was unable to make contact, there are ALWAYS alternative arrangements, either an SN childminder, or an SN kids club, or taking the child BACK to the school, who would (eventually) contact social services. I'm off to read the other 18 pages of this thread now! But, OP, YAmostdefinatelyNBU!!!!

sorry have read the first few pages but haven't had time to read all the replies ,

My father & brother are both drivers for children with Sn , they do a door to door service , i have asked them what the protocol in a situation like yours is op & they have said if an adult is not there to hand a child over to they phone them just to make sure the child is not left alone & would wait outside the child's house until their parent or guardian comes , but in a situation like this it causes a lot of problems as then the driver has the responsibility to therefore phone all the other childrens parents to let them know they are delayed . IMO - you should be home from the time your dd gets off school as no one can judge how busy or quiet the traffic will be on a day to day basis , that i BU .

FFS 'be grateful your dc gets this level of service'...words fucking fail me! Walk in the shoes of an SN mum who would give up all her body parts to have 24 HOURS where their dc DIDN'T need this level of care, where they could have a proper conversation with them. And to all of you who keep saying that OP's dc is 6 years old...have you not been reading the thread? OP quite clearly states that her DD is 11 years old, and has been having this transport home for 6 years. Without encountering a problem like this. Has anyone considered the possibility that the escort was rushing and maybe not doing his/her job properly because they wanted to get home to watch the footbal...?

Well elmofan, you'll be relieved to know that the protocol here is to try and contact the parents, if unable to they carry on with their 'bespoke' service then return to the childs home, if nobody is contactable then school/ social services are informed.

It is most certainly not protocol to leave the child in question alone !

AAAAGH - you people!!! Why do people always batten onto the irrelevant facts in a post. The only important part is:

"DD has asd and a statement which covers her from the moment she leaves home to the moment she gets home. IE she is never unsupervised for her own safety.

It would not matter if the OP was some drug riddled prostitute who was late because she was shagging some bloke in an alley.

It would not matter if the OP had gone out, left the door wide open with a big sign saying house unlocked, please burgle, and BTW just drop DD off - she'll be fine this once.

The point is (the only relevant point) is that the person caring for her daughter failed to do so. The whys and wherefores are a distracting irrelevancy.

YANBU

ps what's an NT?

"but in a situation like this it causes a lot of problems as then the driver has the responsibility to therefore phone all the other childrens parents to let them know they are delayed"

Presumably unless the driver is early, as in this situation and no call is necessary.

We all know that if we pick up a child late from nursery or school it is a huge pain for the people involved who then are effectively forced to work overtime, more often than not unpaid.

However, with the best will in the world, sometimes the school bus doesn't turn up on time, sometimes the teacher is late and sometimes parents are late. As responsible adults we make sure that if we are in charge we do not leave a vulnerable child on their own.

NT = Neuro Typical or "normal"

Can I just ask again-what did the escort say when asked why no one had checked that there was an adult present when OPs daughter went into the house?

Or why did they not follow OPs daughter in?

I never said it was acceptable to leave a child alone . Can i ask you if you have supplied the driver/carer with a list of back up numbers of reliable people for them to contact if ever a situation arises that you are not able to be at home ? It can be very upsetting for a child with SN to have to be returned to their school .I understand in this situation the driver was early & therefore they should have waited or phoned you , but i still think you should be at home for the time your dd gets off school to avoid any upset for her .

Sometimes even the best laid plans go tits up. Maybe use it as 'a learning experience'and make necessary other plans to try and cover any other future mishaps but mostly realise that the child was luckily fine.

And if you can't drive, and rely on a bus service that is usually very reliable (every 10 mins, as OP says), and a bus doesn't turn up for 30 mins, it means that if her usual bus turned up on time, she wouldn't have been home 10 minutes before the usual time her DD was dropped off, but 40 minutes...how is THAT cutting it fine/ not allowing any time for delays? And not everyone is interested in football and pays attention to when a match is on...tbh I'm quite sure OP has more important things to worry about that whether 11 men in polyester shirts 'win' a game kicking a bag of air up and down a field, just dealing with everyday life! So OP may NOT have made 'special' allowances for a football game going on and 'known' that her DD may have been home early. If only football was the biggest thing some of us have to worry about!

And alouiseg - I will gladly help OP boil your head, your sense of superiority far outweighs any sense of 'entitlement' an SN mum may 'have'. You are (almost) the most prejudiced person I have come across on MN (bar one!). Let us hope that you never end up in the OP's position of having a dc with asd. Because if you did, I would feel very sorry for them, having someone so prejudiced as a parent!

I havent bothered reading 21 pages worth but HO YANBU.. My children (none of them special needs) are on the school bus and they are not let out until a nominated adult signs for them. If I was late they take them to the next stop then teh one after at that point if I have not made contact and they are unable to make it they will return the children to school. This is imo a safe way to deal with it. (I have been late once I caught them by stop no 3 but had phoned in advance)

How old is she? and did you get your front door fixed?

Saggy - not everyone has time to read the whole thread to pick up lots of additional detail. If you're going to post in an emotive forum like AIBU, I think it is important to be as clear as possible in the opening post.

Merrymouse - why would one infer that someone isn't good at English if you don't understand from ACs first post that the service entailed a person to person handover? Surely just not used to the details of such services is a more appropriate judgement.

Unless of course you mean that you disagree with the interpretation of supervise by some? ie, you are defining it as not leaving someone alone for even a minute? Its could be one definition, but not the only one, so it might have been helpful to explain more in the OP. I strongly suspect that if that had been done, there wouldn't have been so many people reading just the first post and then making the wrong assumptions (because the first post does rather assume that everyone knows what such a service entails, IMO).

However, it doesn't excuse the fact that some posters such as alouise are just idiots and continue to assert the "unreasonable" line even when its plainly obvious that AC was NBU.

I think that "she is never unsupervised for her own safety" clearly means that when one person stops supervising another person starts supervising. There is no break in supervision. She is not safe when unsupervised.

No part of that sentence would imply "but sometimes it's OK to leave her on her own without checking whether somebody else is looking after her".

When you see a sign in a playground saying "children must be supervised" it does not mean "drop them off". I understand that if you work in Tesco's or if you are doing a PhD your supervisor may not always be present, but in the context of children, it means that you are present. A playground supervisor doesn't pop off to the shops when they are working.

Perhaps people understood English perfectly well but were rushing to judgement without reading the OP properly. I'm being more charitable and assuming that they just have language issues.

But some people wouldn´t interpret walking off a bus & into a house as being unsupervised.

We'll just have to agree to disagree on how clear the OP was, I guess. The important thing is that ACs DD is OK and they are both recovering from the shock and the service understand that they can't ever do it again.

Am truly green however at anyone being able to go out leaving a door unlocked - I can't think of anywhere I've lived that is nice enough that I could do that [envious]

*TheBossofMe-anyone can go out & leave the door unlocked-but in a lot of places you might not find much when you get back!

diddl - very good point indeed!

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT THE OP IS NOT TALKING ABOUT A F ING NT CHILD.
THE ESCOURT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE CHILD IN HER/HIS CARE WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION, THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF PEOPLE WITH SN HAVING HOME/SCHOOL TRANSPORT.
IT ISN'T A LUXURY, IT IS IN PLACE TO KEEP CHILDREN/TEENS/ADULTS SAFE.

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT THE OP IS NOT TALKING ABOUT A F ING NT CHILD.
THE ESCOURT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE CHILD IN HER/HIS CARE WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION, THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF PEOPLE WITH SN HAVING HOME/SCHOOL TRANSPORT.
IT ISN'T A LUXURY, IT IS IN PLACE TO KEEP CHILDREN/TEENS/ADULTS SAFE.

On the off chance that that is directed at me 2shoes-to me the OP does not make it clear that the OPs daughter should be "handed over"-and that walking from bus into house would not be acceptable-if OP had been there, of course.

And I apologise if that makes me thick, stupid and whatever other words have been used to describe those of us (or just me?) who didn´t not immediately fully grasp the situation from the OP.

And 2shoes - no need to shout, its very very rude. And very few people who have read the thread properly are saying AC was BU. The discussion is now largely about whether her OP was clear, or whether it was a bit of an AIBU by stealth, because she didn't explain the full arrangements in her OP, only later in the thread.

The fact that myself, diddl and several others feel that original post wasn't obvious as to what the problem was would seem to suggest that it perhaps could do with a bit more clarity. Which AC then gave later in the thread.

None of which warrants being shouted at.