to try to find a full time out of the house job asap so I don't have to entertain my two DSs alone for 8 weeks over the summer?

[livethedream]

They are nearly 2 and nearly 4. DS is usually at playgroup 5 mornings awake but it's a training day today so they're both at home together.

Oh my god, they fight. It is so tedious, I am just constantly refereeing between them - no matter what games/activities I set up, they bicker and argue and physically hurt each other. DS1 sneakily tries to hit his brother or tread on his toes whereas DS2 retaliates by biting him so hard it nearly breaks the skin.

There will be 8 weeks between DS1 finishing playgroup and starting school. If we were minted and DH didn't work we could have a lovely time. But here in the real world it's just me and I'm skint and it's going to be a real struggle to think of somethign free to do every single day for 8 weeks. That's 56 days.

I have no idea if I could find a job that would pay enough to put them both with a childminder all summer but my god, I woudl probably run at a loss to get out of 8 whole weeks of these two.

Does this make m e a terrible mother? My mother thinks I should savour every second as these are the best years ever, which I find a bit demoralising. (And it rankles, as she ran off when me and my brother were this age!)

tell you what, LiveTheDream.

Put them into care, where they can be adopted by someone Considerably More Middle Clarrrss than Yow. Then they won't be resented and hated and neglected and not brought up properly and you will have Abandoned Them Properly, so they can have lots of sympathy from everyone instead of going to registered childcare like 50% of the child population in this country.

I don't know why people bother having children if they don't want to martyr themselves bring them up Properly.

Have you tried reading - "Siblings Without Rivalry"? It might help.

My two fight all the time and they are 7 and 4. Last year I absolutely dreaded the summer holiday, but really it worked out OK. The first couple of weeks were stressful but then we got into our holiday routine and chilled out and by the end of it I surprised myself by really enjoying it.

That's not to say I wasn't glad when they went back to school though!

Plan some activities for them, days out, organise friends etc. Churches often run super-cheap holiday clubs (like 50p a day, if you don't mind a bit of indoctrination!) Remember there's lots of other mums around who are sharing your pain. Last summer we met up at the park with other mums from DDs class - all desperate to get out of the house. Also plan some stuff you'll enjoy - we go to a nearby town with a great playground and paddling pool but which also has good shops, so I can buy myself a little treat when the going gets tough...

Rollmops - they're probably fighting all the time because that's what siblings do. But I'm not rising to your bait, because obviously you have no information about me and my family but are extrapolating wildly and coming up with some unpleasant scenario which says much more about your life than mine.

Why has it got to be all or nothing?

Can you try for a few days a week in that period? You all get each other out of your hair for a bit, then the rest of the time you look forward to each others' company.

I appreciate that jobs like this may not necessarily grow on trees.....

YANBU. I'm dreading it and DH has the first month of the holidays off work! If it makes you a terrible mother it makes me even worse .

MmeLindt, I have twin boys, preschoolers, who are so absolutely fantastic that I often wonder, what have I done to deserve such fabulous children.
Naturally, parenting can be hard work but I have never wished them away; in fact, I dread the time they'll start school.

"erm...my husband goes to work every day, is he "being horrible?" "

Of course not! Someone has to earn money! But having children because you want them, and it sounds nice, and then asking someone else to do it for you when it gets a bit hard is just plain wrong IMO.

"Or are you sayign that SAH parents who don't love every minute and every facet of their lives should be having their children adopted out?"

Of course not! I don't love every minute of it. I find it the same as you do - draining, exhausting etc. They bicker - but they bicker most when I'm grumpy and ignoring them. They bicker least when I'm doing some activity with them, or we're all outside having a picnic with friends or something. I yell at them. But I don't wish I wasn't doing it! I get enough breaks from my mum helping out twice a week, and when DH is off to help me cope. But I decided to have them, so I think it's my job to look after them, and to teach them how to live with eachother (and other people when they're older).

Learn ways to deal with it and cope with it -running away just isn't the answer!

Oh just Foxtrot Oscar Rollmops!

Thankyou to everyone else for the supportive and useful input, and yay colditz and LadyintheRadiator! I do feel a lot of this is totally sexist and bollocks and you don't ever see fathers attacked for not staying at home forever.

minko - I'm hoping it's just a case of getting in the swing of things.

"You are a woman, therefore suffer and don't you DARE moan about it?"

When did I say not to moan about it? It's a bit shit if you think that being a mother is something you have to 'suffer', isn't it?

Fucking hell! Learn how to love it! You are taking a few years out of your whole life to make sure that your children have a good enough base to live their whole lives to the full! It's really not that much to ask is it? If so, then why the hell did you have them?

"totally sexist"?

What????? I would expect my DH to find it as difficult if he were the SAHD! There is nothign sexist about it at all. Someone has to stay at home with the children, IMO. Swap if you would prefer to work and your DH would prefer to care for hte children. Do what works for your family. But don't have children and then give up when it gets a bit hard.

To be honest I would love to swap with you.

Try sorting out (and paying for ) childcare for 8 weeks while you work hard never mind not spending time with your kids - I would lOVE to have 8 weeks with my kids

IMO you don;t know how lucky you are

rollmops - some children fight. Some children don't. The OP has different children to you. each child is born with it's own genetic code, it's own faults, it's own personality and it's own shining soul. Just because it's easier to hover over your children constantly and pretend that they are never angry, or bickery, or bad tempered, that they 6have to be perfect because you^ are perfect and they have to be the proof of that, is denying them their very real right to not be an extension of you.

MrsWobble - I see what you're saying, but how then? How do I make them stop? I read books, I've been on courses... And DH and I both wanted to have children, how does that mean it all comes down to me to do all the practical hands on parenting? I'm not asking someone else to parent for me, I would just like a break and a bit more in my life than just parenting. I don't think wanting to be a mother and being able to work/earn money/widen my horizons means that I am "running away" from my parental responsibilities?

Sonnet.

I've done the whole full time working thing.

I've also done the stay at home mum thing.

Working is easier for me, and my children are happier to have more stimulation and time away from each other than I could otherwise afford.

I think minkos post was prob most helpful as they have experience of this turning out not as bad as they thought it would.

Rollmops, well done for loving your little darlings more than any of us love ours. They must be wonderful and you must be a very very patient and lovely martyr mother.

My sister and I used to argue and fight every single day (twins). My mother's policy was to (a) ignore as much as possible and then (b) punish us both - she never ever tried to get to the bottom of whose fault the fight was. It kind of worked I think - we realised that no matter how unfair it was, if we fought or argued, we would both get into trouble.

I don't know how much use that would be with your two at the moment, as they're so young, but I'm just trying to think of something to help!

I think what MmeLindt said about retraining yourself to think positively is a good point as well. You know, the whole 'pretend I'm happy long enough and I might just end up being happier' thing. Dreading it isn't going to help you and it is making you feel bad now.

Good luck - I just have the one 4 year old DD and it is hard work sometimes!

Getting a job isn't giving up, and children don't physically NEED to have one parent at home all the time.

I'll return to this later.

How is wanting to work "giving up" on your children? Are you totally anti-childcare?

Colditz,
I was answering the OP

I have done both too

For me it is not a case which one is easier - I owuld just love to spend 8 weeks with my kids - I am envious of people who can that is all

Oh I'm sure she loves her sons with all her heart, not more or less we all love our children. Her OP was not about love, it was dreading spending 8 weeks her own children; in my book, that's beyond odd.
minkie, obviously doesn't agree, however, I must report, that's of no importance to moi..