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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell my teenage daughter that she needs to be in before 11pm?

119 replies

sometimesgirl · 19/06/2010 20:24

My daughter is 18 and lives at home. I do not want her out after 11 because she often has to make her way home with friends and i am unable to collect her as I have younger children at home. she is really annoyed about and I feel that it is drawing us apart. But I worry for her safety x

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 19/06/2010 20:26

Shes an adult .. yabu

BitOfFun · 19/06/2010 20:26

What won't happen at eleven that will happen at twelve though? Most eighteen year olds are out clubbing till four in the morning at weekends where I live. I think you are being way too restrictive- she is an adult now.

GypsyMoth · 19/06/2010 20:26

your house....your rules.

maybe you could make an exception for some occasions

my eldest is 16 so i have this to come.

GypsyMoth · 19/06/2010 20:27

are you a lone parent?/

cos i know its harder then. you cant even relax with a glass of wine in case you're needed to drive. extra hard with younger kids in bed too

usualsuspect · 19/06/2010 20:28

No way would I expect an 18 year old to be in at 11 .... god I hate the your house.... your rules line

Missus84 · 19/06/2010 20:28

YABU - she's an adult, she can make her own way home!

herbietea · 19/06/2010 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BecauseImWorthIt · 19/06/2010 20:29

She is an adult, so you can't really demand hat she's home before 11.

However, you are not BU to worry about how she's getting home. If she's coming home with friends, then surely that's OK?

If not, how about setting up an account with a local taxi firm, so that she can use that if she's not with friends?

nzshar · 19/06/2010 20:31

18?!

QualityTime · 19/06/2010 20:32

I wouldn't expect it, but I would make it clear that if she goes out she finds her own way home.
We used to always leave a tenner in the house so we could get a cab back even if we had lost/spent all our money.

Missus84 · 19/06/2010 20:33

If she wasn't living with you, you'd have no idea where she was going or how/when she was coming home. How will you cope if she goes away to uni?

SirBoobAlot · 19/06/2010 20:35

YANBU to be concerned for her, but YABU to tell her to be home for 11 if you're not picking her up. If she's making her own way back then realistically she has every right to come in when she wants, tbh.

beanlet · 19/06/2010 20:36

At 18 I'd been living away from home for two years. YABU.

Original poster

sometimesgirl · 19/06/2010 20:36

I am insulted that you hate my rules. Hate my house! You know nothing about my life and the way we live. A few months ago my daughter was walking home with friends and they got set upon by a group of youths. It scared the life out of me. I am not on my own as it happens, but my better half seems to leave all the parenting stuff up to me. He also works night shifts so I guess it feels like it`s left to me a lot of the time.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 19/06/2010 20:37

nobody hates your house???

BecauseImWorthIt · 19/06/2010 20:39

You asked for advice and you have been given it. No need for that kind of response, sometimesgirl.

And you didn't post the bit about your daughter being 'set upon' in your OP.

And how about a response to the other, constructive advice you've had?

or are you just a wind-up merchant?

Missus84 · 19/06/2010 20:39

Think usualsuspect meant she hates the phrase "your house, your rules" rather than that she literally hates your house.

mayorquimby · 19/06/2010 20:39

yabu, I'd wager most 16 year olds stay out later than that.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 19/06/2010 20:40

My mum had this rule when I was living at home on my gap year (so I was 18). It drove us apart and we're only closer now because I've lived far away from her for quite a few years. I hated not being trusted to find a safe way home or indeed to stay at a female friends (with prior arrangement); I'm was a bright young adult who didn't drink to excess and was very sensible.

I would ask your DD how she's getting home so you know she's made arrangements in advance. I would also ensure you know what time she thinks she'll be back. Maybe ask her to ring you if she's going to be late (but don't shout at her like my mum did to me - I was only trying to stop her worrying!)

Agree with leaving some money at home if she needs it to pay a cab in an emergency or set an account up with one for emergencies only.

bonbons · 19/06/2010 20:40

Sometimesgirl I don't think usual suspect was saying she hates your house, she was saying she dislikes the phrase 'my house, my rules'.

usualsuspect · 19/06/2010 20:40

I don't hate your house ... I'm sure its a lovely house ...Is this another wind up ?

BitOfFun · 19/06/2010 20:40

Tell us more about your house though. We might hate it if pushed?

AnnaBafana · 19/06/2010 20:40

I can understand why you worry about her being out late, but she is a grown up now and it is perfectly reasonable for her to be out late. Is she sensible? Could she plan late trips home in advance, travel in pairs or groups, book a taxi or arrange lifts?

Missus84 · 19/06/2010 20:41

I can understand you feeling nervous for your daughter, especially if she has been attacked - but she is old enough to make her own risk assessment. How about having taxi money in the house for her if you are still worried?

sue52 · 19/06/2010 20:41

My house my rules is the code I live by. Is she in full time education? If she is then you are covering her expenses and she should respect the house rules. If I sound Victorian, tough luck.

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