to tell my teenage daughter that she needs to be in before 11pm?

[sometimesgirl]

My daughter is 18 and lives at home. I do not want her out after 11 because she often has to make her way home with friends and i am unable to collect her as I have younger children at home. she is really annoyed about and I feel that it is drawing us apart. But I worry for her safety x

I think sometimesgirl is being unfairly treated. It is not unreasonable to ask a question about curfew times.

You been given lots of advice, you don't even acknowledge it,a simple thanks would do

Not unreasonable to ask a question about curfews at all - accusing her of being a troll and demanding she change her name is ridiculous.

11pm curfew for an 18 year old is still unreasonable though.

Think this troll can jog on.

Don't believe this thread at all.

My eldest daughter went off travelling by herself at 20yr,rucksack on back to Australia ,Fiji and Thailand.
Now that really is scary !! But she had gained some real street wise strategies and had an emergency funding that if she felt unsafe in hostels etc she could call on,never did. I guess its all about learning life skills but it doesnt stop us worrying does it?

I agree with you entirely sometimesgirl, it is your house and your rules; if an 18 year old in full time education with no job doesn't like the rules you can suggest she leaves home and supports herself. No doubt as you have younger children you don't want them disturbed if your DD comes home late at night.

YANBU

I have teenagers -when they behave like adults they will be treated thus

18 adult ? - only in legal terms

Lindy - do you have teenage children yourself?

I'm being supportive here. Ready? She's 18, and she's an adult. She could leave home and live alone, or in a commune, or a squat. She could be hell on wheels. You need to let go now, she has to build her own life and take responsibility for her own actions (like being too tired to keep awake at college because she stayed out late for example). I was 18 and a half when I left home for good. So maybe be thankful that she's still at home where you can spoil her a bit when the urge comes over you.

Lindy - the op is worried about her daughter's safety, so it would be better if they fell out and she went and lived on her own

Missus 84 - how would you feel if I namechanged to Missus85

p.s. I have a feeling Op wouldn't like her daughter to leave home... but Op, if you're prepared to take the risk she will up and go, then you could use that threat. My sister did, at 17. She couldn't support herself, but her boyfriend took care of that.

Lindy, my friends dad said that to her when she was at school. She got pregnant so she could move out

Imo being too protective can really push the 'child' away.

Saturday and sometimes are completely different words, don't be so precious! Would be more like you changing your name to Mischief84, and I wouldn't give a fuck.

TheSunShines, if you suspect it a troll contact MNHQ, don't keep posting about it. Gets a bit dull, dear.

Thesunshinesbrightly has decided to make a judgement about this thread. Why bother posting on this thread if you are just being insulting to me. And Saturday girl....HOW PETTY!!!!

What is a troll? Please tell me someone as am fairly new on mumsnet.

To all those of you who are saying 'my house, my rules' - you need to be very careful about this..

As your children grow up, this is something that does have to be negotiated if you are to develop a good relationship with them. As a parent you have to recognise that you no longer control what your child is doing every second of the day.

Hopefully, by the time they reach 18 they will understand what is important to you as a parent. They will know that their room has to be kept tidy, they have to do their chores - or whatever you have instituted in your own families. But you do also have to cut them some slack as they make the transition from child to adult.

Your job as a parent is to help them become independent adults.

And this does mean that you have to let them take risks. It's unavoidable.

So put in place as many 'safety nets' as you can - e.g. making sure they text you, having a taxi account, staying over with friends - or whatever it might be.

I get really cross with my DS1 if he fails to live up to these things. But I would rather we had these battles than he was made to behave like a 12 year old.

Any need to be patronising SBA?

No, I don't have teenage children yet but many of my friends do and I am so fed up with seeing (some of) them 'pandering' to their teenage children - no wonder some kids don't want to leave home; it's all so easy when you can do what you want with no responsibilities and thought for other people. I know it's not an easy situation but I do feel children living at home, whether over 18 or not, have to respect the 'house rules'.

I will post where i want to thanks
fuckwit
sir.

Thought not, Lindy.

It's just like people who don't have babies telling you what to do with their newborn.

Hey judgement is everwhere
you tell a 18 year old to be home at 11, i think that is insulting.poor girl.

And on the other hand come down too hard and you will get teenagers like me

my father and stepmother " if you don't like our rules then leave"
Me "ok"

two weeks later at 17 I left home and never went back.

I wouldn't dream of saying this to dss of 16 or ds (though only 6 ) now or ever. Compromise, compromise, compromise. Communication is the key just like any ADULT relationship IMHO

biwi...i have house rules AND teenagers. don't need a lesson,thanks all the same

trollhunters/thread counters....you bring MN down and do no good