to expect my frends to know that toddlers Do bite and hit other children?

[busygirl]

i mean shes 2 and i always tell her off/put on time out when she does bite but i have friend that comes to me "oh,look at this bite on my boy,look at this sign from last time etc when i already put her on time out...or she told me i need to be careful or she'll grow up selfish(as there's a lot of fighting over her toys!your opinion?im obviously very sorry that her boy get bitten but i cant follow my dd around all the time?

It is very very distressing for parents when their child gets bitten I'm afraid.

if you have a child that bites then yes, imho you need to follow her around all the time.

You can't expect parents to just laugh it off as "oh, all toddlers bite" when their child has been bitten because A, not all toddlers bite, and those that do need to learn that it is not acceptable and B, it is very distressing for both the child and the parent when another child is biting/hitting them constantly.

so yabu I think.

there are two different issues here.

a) YANBU, some toddlers express aggressive/posessive behaviour until they're told again and again and again that it's wrong. Understanding this will take more than saying "no", I'm with you on the time-outs etc, although I know many people disagree.

b) YABU to say that you can't follow her around all the time. When you have a n aggresive toddler, then while she's among other children and under your care I see that it is your job to follow her around to make sure that other children don't have to bare with her behaviour. Do you think it's the other parents' job?

Not all small children bite. It is not a development phase to be expected. I would be fecking livid if either if my children were bitten, it is not unreasonable for the other mother to react in this way.

mmm,maybe but with another little one i cant follow her constantly,maybe i shoul stop her playing with that boy,is bad with him but better with other children...not point in getting togher if i need tospend all my time on the edge...

My daughter was bitten by a little boy a couple of times at her childminder's. I wasn't "livid", as she wasn't overly bothered herself, but I was concerned. However the childminder's obvious mortification and assurances that she would do her best to make sure it didn't happen again made a big difference - if she had said "oh, all toddlers bite", I would have felt differently.

Actually I think the vast majority of children do bite once or twice - it is whether it turns into a phase or continued behaviour that is more important.

My DS has got bitten / scrammed quite a lot. The first few times I tend to think of it as normal (unfair as it is). It is when the behaviour gets repetitive that I start getting worried.

muzzle the feckers

I would definitely avoid spending time with this little boy and his mum until your daughter has grown out of this phase, if that's an option. Sounds like a no-brainer in terms of everyone feeling less stressed, especially as you say that your daughter is much better with other kids.

My DS didn't go through the biting phase. He pushed a bit and I kept my eye on him at all times, as you should be when you have a toddler that bites. At my toddler group there was one that would bite all the others but only when they were all playing behind the curtain. You knew when it had happened as each child would come out with something, a bite mark or pegs stuck onto their face by this same boy. The mother should have stopped him going behind there.

No mother is going to laugh it off and say "oh a toddler biting phase"

DS was a hitter and would hit other toddlers in the face and yes actually you DO need to be following their every move when you have a child that has this type of nature or they will think it's acceptable.

this is why I never went to many toddler groups because I was so stressed out and exhausted, never getting a chance to sit with other mums and talk because I was so busy having to keep telling DS off for hitting or grabbing toys etc.

It is tiring but you have to keep at them or they will just think it's acceptable. And I feel awful for the child who get's hit or bitten. DS once scratched a little boy on the face and drew blood, his mother was obviously furious (I would have been too, had it been the other way around!) and I was absolutely mortified and left the soft play.

Emma's point is valid. If you were trying to reassure me that this was normal, you would get a very different reaction from me than if you were incredibly apologetic and assured me you would do everything you could to stop this.

DS1 had a friend who was a biter and his mother whipped him straight out of any situation when he was about to do it. My son was only actually bitten once (although there were many more attempts). That was down to vigilance on the part of the mother. Yes it's more difficult with 2 but if you have them playing near you you can both keep an eye on them.

But it might be best if you just stop seeing them until this phase is over.

telling off my not be enough, either to stop him or reassure your friends

you need to follow him as much as you can and to take him out and go home if he does manage to bite someone

I was not livid when ds got bitten repeatedly by a child at the CM's

but I did notice that after the first few times ds was getting very sad and worried and frightened about going

when he would suddenly bring something up hours later that showed that he was constantly mulling and worrying about it, that did make it harder to laugh off

it helped me immensely in this situation that the other mum acted as if she understood ds's situation rather than being defensive

YABVU

Do you expect you friend to put up with her toddler being bit?

I get DS to apologise if he even does kicking now (he's 3yo and it happened just recently at a visit to his nursery) so I make him say sorry to the little boy/girl and tell him that what he did was wrong. You have to be behind them all of the time otherwise how else can you tell if something happens?? IMO it's your responsibility to make sure you observe your own DC and not just leave them unsupervised to attack others (deliberate or not).

you do sound a bit complacent I'm afraid

it is VERY upsetting when your child is bitten or hurt by another child

although of course it is also very upsetting to be the parent of the aggressor

your friends are probably just as offended by your nonchalant attitude as they are upset by the biting/hitting

if she is going through a biting/hitting phase (no, they don't ALL, but lots do) then you do have to follow her around and be proactive - it's just decency, you can't just shrug and say "toddlers bite, get over it"

wearing, yes, but it passes, and you can't sidestep it or you and your dd won't have any friends!

I would be mortified if my DC was biting or being bitten.. seems like common good manners to keep an eye on your child if they are bitey...

really sorry detective potato but LOL @ kids coming out from behind the curtain with pegs all over their faces. Do you mean clothes pegs? Ouch if so! Sounds like the curtain needed to be removed forthwith.

sorry I wouldn't say it always passes. DS is 3yo now and been doing this kind of thing since he was 18 months old. Am hoping a regular setting like nursery may help him because he'll be surrounded by other children for a few hours.

Yes I agree though it is very upsetting to the parent of the agressor greensleeves. I came home in tears a few times after DS scratched another child's face once, or if he'd kicked another and made them cry etc. It's very upsetting, embbarassing for the parent because most of us have empathy for others and worry about the child being attacked. I just wish DS would stop doing it.

YABVU

Not all toddlers bite and if yours does, it is entirely your responsibility to watch them like a hawk.
We went on holiday with friends, DS1 was about 20 months old and had never bitten before. During an altercation over a beach ball of all things, he bit their DD. He has removed, put on time out - we were utterly mortified. But do you know what, we watched him like a hawk after that. Stepped in immediately if we saw a situation brewing and defused it. There were no other incidents. Toddlers that age are not able to control their emotions too well - hence the more instinctive lashing out. IMO - it is the parents jobs to prevent the situation getting to a stage where the toddler gets so frustrated they hit/ bite/ scratch.

I think your friend is being remarkably restrained considering your attitude. In your position, I would be mortified and working with her to ensure this behaviour stops.

I had a really bad biter. Following him around was fine when I had was looking after him, but at nursery it wasn't possible. His keyworker couldnt literally watch him every single second (although she did try!). There were loads of biting incidents (he was a biter for a good year between 2.5 and 3.5 yrs old). It was quite upsetting all round, but luckily, the parents of the 'bitten' children were very understanding in our case.

Eventually he just grew out of it.

My younger child isn't a biter, but has been bitten loads. It is upsetting to see bite marks on your child, but I would never blame the child or the parents ...there is no need for blame. Young children often do go through biting/hitting out stages - anyone with even a basic grasp of child development knows this. But with patience, a firm but fair approach and a bit if understanding, it almost always passes.

My older two children didn't bite. My son does, but, age 19 months, he has stopped.

He still hits and pulls hair, though, neither of which my other two did.

I follow him around all the time because he has to learn that is not acceptable.

You have to follow her around.

That's your job.

YABU and lazy, IMO.

autoaddict it was clothes pegs and I know it sounds funny but when children are coming out crying because they have a huge mark on their face or a peg actually stuck to them that they can't get off, its not so funny. My DS was one of them.

Curtains can't be removed, we just rent the room and the church that owns it are ridiculous about us using it as it is. No way would be allowed to alter anything.

I think for some toddlers they are so strong willed and even telling them off, watching them like a hawk and being pro-active just isn't enough each time. have came to this conclusion with my own toddler tbh. that doesn't mean you just let them have free reign though, you still have to do everything in your power to keep an eye on them (means you can never relax unless you are in your own home).

YABVU

I woiuld hit the roof if this was a regualr occurance and you were so complacent as to say you can't follow them all the time, that's what you DO with children.

My DD is 9 months and has mastered the pincer grip, she now shows this off through pinching, do I sit back and say "all babies do that" no I follow her everywhere and if she goes to pinch someone she is whipped away sharpish.