to expect my frends to know that toddlers Do bite and hit other children?

[busygirl]

i mean shes 2 and i always tell her off/put on time out when she does bite but i have friend that comes to me "oh,look at this bite on my boy,look at this sign from last time etc when i already put her on time out...or she told me i need to be careful or she'll grow up selfish(as there's a lot of fighting over her toys!your opinion?im obviously very sorry that her boy get bitten but i cant follow my dd around all the time?

"why should others suffer just because you have a child that bites?"

Fair enough, but the main point about removing the biter is that it demonstrates to them that biting is totally not on. I've removed my fighty toddler in the past and the dc he wolloped was at least as upset as ds was when i insisted we left!

(Fighty toddler is now 9 btw and perfectly charming)

BUNNYJO - I agree with you but really removing a biter from the situation isn't really CRAPPY is it? As the goal is to stop the biting behaviour and allow the child to play normally in a group again, its not crappy at all, but the loving thing to do for your toddler.

Removing the child isn't just about protecting others, but teaching your child boundaries so at the end of the day they can have a happy involved social life.

yy I agree, it is the loving thing to do. And it's difficult - but (eventually) it works.

Biting is massively socially unacceptable even in very young children. It is considered a whole lot worse than hitting another child.

You should expect that if you don't deal with it massively vigilantly you are likely to be ostracised by other parents.

It is a bit weird that people jump up and down over this so much more than about other stuff but best to roll with it imo.

If your child has bitten another child on more than one occasion yes you DO need to follow them around AND you need to provide the message loud and clear that taking a chunk out of another child just because you want what they've got is NOT acceptable. And to be honest. I'd prefer the mother of a biter to be the one to have to be 'on edge' rather than the mothers of the kids that are being bitten One of my mates had a biting toddler, and her attitude was as lazy and irritating as yours to be honest. No one can anticipate a child biting once or maybe twice, but anything after that is YOUR responsibility to tackle.

You friend seems incredibly laid back.

If someone's child bit my DS i'm afraid harsh discipline would be coming the way of the offending child and its parent!

If you have a biter you HAVE to follow them around 24/7 and teach them it is unacceptable.

YABU

You sound completly blase about the fact that your child bites other children.
Lots of toddlers dont bite,- yours is in the minority.
You need to sort it out.

YABU. And it sounds like you're not particularly bothered by it either. My DS never bit anyone but DD was a different story, she was a dreadful biter and I was completely mortified. So I dealt with it. She loved her toddler groups and after warning her that we would not go if she continued to bite and sticking to my guns, we got there in the end. If she bit anyone she was immediately taken home and missed the following session etc. Biting is not just one of those things that 'all toddlers do' and it needs to be dealt with properly.

YABU op about not really trying to stop this happening.

My DNeice started biting as a toddler, and was never told off by my sister. My sister thought like you that she would grow out of it. She also thought that my DS1, who was usually the only one she bit, should just get used to it. She is now 6 and still bites when angry/frustrated. The last time she bit my DS1 (7) on the leg twice this was the result. I'll not hijak your thread with my DN and the way my sister chooses to raise her, but you do need to nip this in the bud now, not when it gets worse.

YABU none of my children ever bit another but WERE on the receiving end and its distressing for the child and the parent.As for not following her around, at 2, with that aggression which you know of, I would expect you to tbh

I your child is a bitter, hitter or pusher over, then I'm afraid you have to follow them around and can't have a quiet cup of tea and a chat with your mates.
Too many parents of said children don't take any responsibility for their children's actions.

The child needs to learn that if they bite then the bitten child will get all the attention and the biter will be taken home with no treats.
The parents of bitters also need to praise their child when they play nicely with another child, lots of positive praise.
But 9/10 bitters are always the kids of the group of chatting women who NEVER even check where their kids are (in a softplay or park) as their 'social' life is so MUCH more important

what alot of assumptions on this thread. how about instead of berating the parents help them deal with their biter. making them just take the child away is really nasty and no help to anyone in socialising a child.

there are lots of reasons for biting. where did you get the 9/10 quote from?

YABU. How would you feel if another child frequently hurt yours? You do need to follow her around at 2 and put a stop to it. I would do that whether it was biting or any other aggressive behaviour.

5intheback. I'd be bloody livid at a 6 year old who did that. DS was bit at nursery by a 4 year old the other week it horrible behaviour and really hurts.

The 9/10 quote is from my own experience as I've frequently had to follow my own DDs around softplay and the like so they don't get attacked.
But I've never seen a parent of a biter or bully following their child, they are always the ones who never interact with their child at all

i think this is more of a common problem than people think and if you haven't experienced it with your own child easy to blame on parenting etc.

it's really easy to say 'watch them like a hawk' but can take a split second for the kid to do it. i came to mn with similar problem and to be honest on the whole of the net there was never any helpful advice as to what to do.

i know a fantastic mum who is dealing with this with her own son at the moment. i'm really glad i didn't refer her to this 'parenting advice site' for help.

Not all children hit/bite. I take ds to a playgroup with about 10/12 other children, age range 6mo to 4yo. None of them bite. Yes we have fighting over toys, and that's to be expected while they are learning how to share, but it's nipped in the bud so it doesn't come to violence (strong word I know, but that's what biting/hitting is).
My ds has severe hameophilia and if he was bitten it would mean a trip to A+E, even if the skin wasn't broken, as he'd need clotting treatment to prevent a tissue/muscle bleed as a result of the bite. I would be very annoyed if he was bitten by a child, even more so if it happened more than once!
SO I think YABU. It may be a phase, but until she's moved past it and learned from the telling off/time out that it's not acceptable, you need to be watching her closely and constantly while in other people's company, and trying to prevent it before it happens.

ChuckBartowski after all my rambling on about removing biters from the scene of the crime, I'd forgotten my friend's lovely, lovely dd who went through a biting phase. She only bit people she really liked. I do think that that requires different handling fomr situs where one dc attacks another because they're after a toy for example - although it does still mean watching them v.closely.

SEA it isn't nice to remove a DC, you're right. But in all honesty I think it's the only way sometimes to help socialise persistent offenders (like my own ds).

Do you think part of the problem is how you are dealing with the biting. Telling a two year old off/ putting them in time out is not going to work. You are right that biting is quite common, but many children do it once or twice and then stop. You may need to follow your daughter around while she is in the company of this boy, and then when she looks like she is going to bite, whisk her off to do something more interesting elsewhere. It is often a habit that they unlearn pretty quickly, but two year olds don't understand the punishments you are using so you may need to get more creative in dealing with this.

yabu
I didn't know about children biting until I saw it on mn.
ds must have just been lucky and was never bitten. so surely other people won't know it hap[pens

SEA - again you're tight in that it can happen in a split second. The OP however seemed a little blase about things.

i know sorn but the biting thing bugs me as i've had experience of it and work with kids and do see it alot.

it's really hard to deal with that's why it's a shame another interesting topic is slagged off on AIBU

My 2 YO bites, it is a nightmare. He seems to go through phases of doing it and then not doing it. Luckily it is only me and DH that he has bitten so far. It is proving very difficult to put a stop to, so you have my sympathies OP.

If another child bit mine, I would feel fairly lenient towards them, as I know how hard it can be. I know DS would forget about it fairly quickly, and who knows, it may teach him not to bite others.

I can understand that to a parent whose child has not gone through a biting phase, it could be a big deal so you do have to keep an eye out in case it happens. Not that difficult if you ask me as at the risk of sounding like a helicopter mum, you do have to keep an eye on them at that age anyway.

idon't know where the idea that i don't care came from...as i said I DO discipline my child and I Am very sorry,the children aren't left on their own so we can check them all the time,is just a matter of reaching her on time,it happens very quickly!is obviously very distressing for me as well but im doing my best to stop her!is just that i don't see why my friend keeping talking about it or keep showing me the mark when i just disciplined my dd and got her to say sorry...