to expect my frends to know that toddlers Do bite and hit other children?

[busygirl]

i mean shes 2 and i always tell her off/put on time out when she does bite but i have friend that comes to me "oh,look at this bite on my boy,look at this sign from last time etc when i already put her on time out...or she told me i need to be careful or she'll grow up selfish(as there's a lot of fighting over her toys!your opinion?im obviously very sorry that her boy get bitten but i cant follow my dd around all the time?

Do you know the reason why your child bites? Just interested to know if it is in malice, experiment or affection. DS bites out of affection. Probably why I'm the one with the most bit marks on my arm. It might give you clues on the situation that makes your little one bite, then you'll know when to be alert to it.

I agree with you there OP. Once your friend saw you had disciplined your child, that should have been the end of it. Sound like your friend is being a little smug about what a great parent she thinks she is.

Interesting first post

I was a nightmare for biting I bit for two years and nothing worked to stop me. My mum did follow me around all the time to make sure I wasn't biting, but somehow I still managed to. She put me in a corner, on a chair, strapped me in my buggy and put me outside, bit me back, and everything you weren't supposed to do. The was on friend in particular (he still remembers me biting him ) who would go home covered in bite marks. The only thing that stopped me was when I bit him on the face at playschool and they told me if I ever did that again I would not be allowed to come back. I stopped overnight.

Is there anything in particular that would have a similar affect? Obviously I was 3 at the time, so a bit older.

I don't think she is being unreasonable to be concerned for her son, but I also don't thing you are. Having heard recently from my mum how horrible a child I was, I really feel for you going through this phase!

busygirl you do have my every sympathy. Your friend does sound smug. There were a couple of mothers on the toddler circuit who were similar - of course their dcs wouldn't dream of harming another dc

Poor ds OTOH was "trouble".

Years later I have to say that my ds (who was a hitter rather than a biter) is delightful. And one or two of the smug ones are currently dealing with some utter nightmare behaviour themselves. Not that I would wish that on anyone, but I do secretely gloat a teensy bit now the boot's on the other foot

it's unanimous..yabu

Animals bite, children should not

Are you crackers busygirl, you can't follow her round???

Yes you can and should, you hold the baby in one arm and get ready to grab her with the other. sit/kneel on the floor next to her all time until she can be trusted. the other parents 'keep going on' about it as your doing a piss poor job in preventing it happening again. you cant just avoid the ones she mainly bites, she needs to be taught not to do it at all, what about when she starts nursery will the main victims have to stay home???

Dont talk rubbish, stick to her like glue and prevent her from biting anyone, and use your timeout whatever as punishment for when she attempts to bite. if she actually bites then you've left it too late to react or you are too far away.

You must follow her round, or opt out until she stops. Its not right. Your friends will not judge you for having a biter - but by god they will judge you for not dealing with it or indeed not doing your utmost to prevent it.

At the age of 2 I'd be pep-talking her in the car, and warning that if she bites, she will get told off, that you are always watching, and that if you have to tell her off a 2nd time, then you go straight home. Then if there is an incident or near-miss, you say "remember what I said - this is your final and only warning, if you do that again we go home" and then when/if she does it again you go straight home.

Going home as a punishment allows you to opt out of the situation whilst also teaching her that its not acceptable.

I personally dont want to be somewhere if my child is misbehaving to that kind of extent. I'll give one warning saying that next time we go home, and if the behaviour continues, we go home. Its a great consequence, and has the additional benefit for me that I simply dont want to be there if they can't behave the way I have taught them to.

Needless to say there are very few incidents where I've ended up going home because they know I mean business. I had one recently - but Ive had ANGELIC behaviour since. And that wasn't anything near as bad as biting either.

Sorry if I sound sanctimonious but I feel strongly about biting/hitting/pinching and spiteful behaviour - needs to be nipped in the bud so other, better behaved children (sorry!) can enjoy each other's company. One day, your DD will be one of those well behaved children.

Ripeberry what utter bollocks, sorry

I follow DS around all the time when out and about near other children and do catch him before he hits out but there have been a few occasions when I've blinked and he's done something in that split second even when I'm right next to him.

Not all parents of biters/hitters/kickers just sit around drinking coffee chatting to their friends - I wish!!! I cannot even sit down when I'm out for fear of something happening

mine doesnt bite, I dont think its nice to @ accept it TBH

yadefbu

she is your responsibilty to follow round and teach her it is unacceptable.

"i just disciplined my dd and got her to say sorry..."

if she keeps doing it, it has not worked, and you need to keep trying to prevent it until she stops - until you can trust her around other children. the fact that you seem resigned to it might mean she is not really getting the message.

i mean, how often does she bite?

If they bite and hit then you follow them around-it is your responsibility to make sure that she doesn't. Your friend's DCs have the right not to be attacked.

I agree with Sloany - I have had both a biter and a bitee

And I agree with lovechoc - It is very stressful to be the mother of a biter

There is an awful lot of nonsense and smuggery on this thread by some of the lucky parents of non-biters. But, if nothing else, it does show you how such parents view biters and their parents. You actually have to be a much better, more diligent parent to survive the biting phase relatively unscathed.

When DS was about eighteen months he went through a similar phase.

When we went to playgroup I had to watch him like a hawk. If he did manage to bite one of the other children we would all make a fuss of the child who had been bitten and completely ignore DS.

He was a very affectionate child with lots of older cousins who adored him same with aunties and uncles. When we had visitors everyone had a turn to hug him and when we went to playgroup he wanted to hug all the other children.

They in turn would pull away and that is when he would bite.

It only lasted about 6 months and I will be forever greatful to all the wonderful mums at playgroup who worked with us during this stressful time.

Most of us are still friends to this day and we still have a laugh occasionally about DS's biting episode.

busygirl a child of this age does't actually think to herself "Right I'm going to bite someone today". It's an emotional reaction and the last thing you need is other mums being judgemental. It's not as though you are not aware of the problem.

When I took DS somewhere new or he was around childen he didn"t know, I would jokingly made an announcement about "the biter" in their midst and most people would keep an eye on their children.

DS didn't actually bite too many times (due to my alertness) but the worst one was biting another child on the face near the cheekbone.

Today he is turning 27 in July and is still best mates with the other boy. We sonetimes et the photo out where the bite is clearly visible.

I honestly think that what got through to DS was the fact that he was totally ignored when he had bitten another child and the bitten child was made a fuss of.

Usually we would buy something small or make a cupcake and take it with us the next time we saw that child.

trying to leave: "There is an awful lot of nonsense and smuggery on this thread by some of the lucky parents of non-biters. But, if nothing else, it does show you how such parents view biters and their parents. You actually have to be a much better, more diligent parent to survive the biting phase relatively unscathed."

where's the "nonsense" the? Just random insults or do you have actually a point to make? You speak sense, do you as opposed to nonsense? Smuggery is actually what your post reeks of to me tbh, exactly what you've accusing people of. I take it you had a biter and you feel a "better" parent.
what a weird post tryingtoleave

First of all i love the name peppapighastakenovermylife its so funny as i no the feeling.Infact its on right now!
Some children bite, some don't! that simple but if you are the parent of the child bitten then yes you will be concerned and the other child needs to be show right from wrong. However if the child has been told that it is naughty then the parent of the bitten child needs to except that.Unfortunatly children do horrible things to each other, but put yourself in the position of the mother who's child it was that was biting.Any normal caring parent would obviously be embarresed by the situation and does not need to be 'told off' herself over it!!

Your child will grow out of it but for the moment you'll just have to be careful when around other children. No parent finds it acceptable for their child to be bitten.

trying to leave: "There is an awful lot of nonsense and smuggery ......." I agree this is a shit thing to say! People aren't dissing the biting children as much as the very complacent attitute of OP which reads as "nothing I can do/not my problem" which is what most people here are commenting on. If OP isn't gping to deal with it, who is?

In my earlier post I commented I've never heard of biting being a common problem - well guess what DD did this morning?? Yep, she bit me - very gently on the boob. It didn't hurt and was barely identifiable as a bite but when I asked if she bit me she admitted she did!

We had a very serious talk & she has affirmed "the only thing I can bite is food". I'm all over her like a rash (as is OH etc etc) - not making a huge thing of it beyond initial talk/reprimand, but her world is on high alert!

TheBoywithaSORNdMX5, can I just say that you have the best nickname I have ever seen

I am fond of Eleanorhandbasket and MaudofAllHopefulness is good too but you definitely win.

I LOVE puns, me

My ds was never a biter(other than me ) he was and still is at 6 one of the smaller children of his age. I had a good friend whose ds was a biter and a hitter when they were toddlers. She kept an eye on him constantly when he was going through this stage, I was sympathetic but had she just sat back and said "oh well, toddlers bite and hit don't they" as you seem to think op then I would not have stayed friends with her for long. Be warned a victims mother will not put up with this for much longer if she does not think that it is being dealt with effectively.