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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was IBU to hide from DD?

113 replies

julybutterfly · 17/06/2010 22:26

Was in a shop earlier with DD (3 1/2), she kept running off even though I told her to stay with me. So, when I saw her run off again I hid. I could see her at ALL times even though she couldn't see me. She was going from aise to aisle (about 3) and then headed to the exit which is when I got a bit closer. She didn't go out of the exit but stood and burst into tears. When she did that I made sure I stood where she could see me but pretended I didn't know she'd been 'lost'.

Once she saw me she ran up to me saying she thought she'd lost me and couldn't see me. I told her that maybe next time she would stay where she could see me and listen when I said I was moving somewhere else.

Another lady overheard this and told me I was 'mean' and that I would probably traumatise my DD 'by playing that game'.

Was I being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 17/06/2010 22:28

Well, to be honest, yes I think you were unreasonable but I do understand why you did it and I would have been tempted myself (whilst also probably being unreasonable).

As long as it wasn't for more than a minute then it's not the end of the world and shy may have learnt something.

Lynli · 17/06/2010 22:30

Bit mean. I don't know why people don't use baby reins any more.

Original poster
julybutterfly · 17/06/2010 22:31

I don't use baby reins because my daughter isn't a dog!

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 17/06/2010 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PortiaNovmerriment · 17/06/2010 22:34

You really need to keep hold of her hand if she is a bolter, I'm not sure that she will remember this 'lesson', and her impulse control isn't very developed at that age.

funnysinthegarden · 17/06/2010 22:34

no not BU. I do this to DS all the time. Tis the only way to get him out of nursery. Tis a game and they soon learn to do as you ask.

DS FREAKED at the age of 18 months wnen we put reins on him

pimmslemonadeiceandaslice · 17/06/2010 22:34

Julybutterfly - I didn't have to play that game with my ds not very long ago. I really did lose him in a shop, and it was Costco, so huge and apparently they didn't have a tannoy to call for him. We found him about 10 minutes after he disappeared, and it had given him such a fright that I really don't think he'll do it again. Personally I would have preferred to orchestrate a 'pretend getting lost' scenario as I aged about a decade in that 10 minutes when we couldn't find him. He's 6 btw, so rather too old for reins. I also agree that reins are for horses and dogs, not children, even when packaged as fun and useful little backpacks

AgentZigzag · 17/06/2010 22:35

A three and a half year old hasn't really got any sense of danger, that's why you're there.

I'm not sure why you'd want to teach her a lesson in this way, I don't think she'd be traumatised by it, but no, it wasn't very nice.

What did you say to the woman who thought you were 'mean'?

funnysinthegarden · 17/06/2010 22:35

when not wnen

Original poster
julybutterfly · 17/06/2010 22:35

Reins are horrible!! I'm allowed that opinion

She isn't usually a bolter which is why I didn't know what to do. If IABU I'm prepared to accept it! Although I wont put reins on her!

OP posts:
VinoEsmeralda · 17/06/2010 22:37

I did something similar. Both my DC, but especially DD, once moved to a booster seat would undo their seat belt and thought it was hilarious.

So I drove in our street at about 20 miles and hour and did an emergency stop. Worked a treat ( had to repeat it twice with DD though).

I personally think it is a good lesson as she might think it being a game to run away but certain things they must learn for their own safety. And if asking several times doesnt work then sometimes only experiencing will do.

seeker · 17/06/2010 22:37

Hold her hand or put her in her push chair.Horrid to hide from her.

Original poster
julybutterfly · 17/06/2010 22:38

I didn't say anything agentzigzag. I felt guilty and, inn fact I thought 'maybe she's right, I shall put it to the MN jury later'

OP posts:
funnysinthegarden · 17/06/2010 22:39

the OP's daughter is 3.5 That is way to old for reins

AvrilHeytch · 17/06/2010 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AgentZigzag · 17/06/2010 22:40

Blimey, the first MNer I've heard of who hasn't said anything to a person criticising them

You live and learn.

Original poster
julybutterfly · 17/06/2010 22:40

But WHY was it horrid? She is a very switched on and, normally, sensible 3 1/2 year old. She had been told more than once not to run off or she would lose me. She knows what that means.

Like I said, I am willing to accept IABU but only with good reason!

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 17/06/2010 22:41

I think that few minutes was probably more traumatic for a 3 year old than you'd think.
My DD has loads of storybooks on that theme: 'I can't find my mummy'. 'I want my mummy', ducklings, owl babies etc etc
It's their absolute worse nightmare.

I saw a man recently trying to bring his little lad away from the park: the lad wouldn't come and the man got in his car and drove a few metres. He knew he wasn't going to actually leave the boy their - but the devastation in the boys cry was upsetting - it seemed more cruel than necessary.

funnysinthegarden · 17/06/2010 22:42

Folk, get a grip.

Children run off and if you don't want to screech across the shop to them, the only way is to play them at their own game.

If they burst into tears, chances are they won't do it again

seeker · 17/06/2010 22:43

Horrid because she is 3.5 - and you are the centre of her universe.

Hold her hand or put her in her pushchair.

claireb1974 · 17/06/2010 22:44

YANBU she may only be young but it just may of stuck with her you never know. I think alot more people than you think have done this.

mumeeee · 17/06/2010 22:44

You could use a wrist strap for a 3 year old they don't look like reins and they are designed for children of this age. I can understand why you did though but it was a bit mean to hide from her.

mumeeee · 17/06/2010 22:44

You could use a wrist strap for a 3 year old they don't look like reins and they are designed for children of this age. I can understand why you did though but it was a bit mean to hide from her.

IamBatman · 17/06/2010 22:45

YANBU, i hope it worked

edam · 17/06/2010 22:45

I think it was rather unkind. Can't you remember being little and thinking you've lost your Mummy? That massive fear in the pit of your stomach?

So yes, afraid I do think you were being unreasonable. But you weren't actually trying to make her cry so don't worry too much - just don't do it again!