Was IBU to hide from DD?

[julybutterfly]

Was in a shop earlier with DD (3 1/2), she kept running off even though I told her to stay with me. So, when I saw her run off again I hid. I could see her at ALL times even though she couldn't see me. She was going from aise to aisle (about 3) and then headed to the exit which is when I got a bit closer. She didn't go out of the exit but stood and burst into tears. When she did that I made sure I stood where she could see me but pretended I didn't know she'd been 'lost'.

Once she saw me she ran up to me saying she thought she'd lost me and couldn't see me. I told her that maybe next time she would stay where she could see me and listen when I said I was moving somewhere else.

Another lady overheard this and told me I was 'mean' and that I would probably traumatise my DD 'by playing that game'.

Was I being unreasonable?!

I've already said that she usually holds my hand, she doesn't normally bolt.

Yes I dismiss reins, they're horrible IMO

I remeber being 3 and thinking I'd lost my mummy in the Co-op - I didn't know she was watching me from a safe distance and actually had my dad posted at the doors to catch me if I ran.

I also remember that I paid a little bit more attention to where my mother was from then on, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to request from a child. A 3 year old is not a 9 month old baby and learning certain rules, and learning to abide by them, is expected.

What do you think they do on preschool trips? Chase round every individual child to make sure they can run free and unfettered? Spend hours reasoning with each individual preschooler every time he or she makes a dash for the monkey enclosure?

They don't. They say "Jamie, you MUST hold Mrs X's hand, it is the rules."

I will NOT use a wrist strap, she doesn't use a buggy and hasn't for a year, I'd let go of the 'persistant' hand just to look through a group of coat hangers for a certain size when she ran off again

It is a "natural consequences" discipline - you run off = you get lost. I thought hippies were all for natural consequences as opposed to punishments

We're going shopping again tomorrow (a shorter shopping trip), I will let you know if it worked

if you won't use a wrist strap and she doesn't take on board that she'll get lost if she runs off, she'll get lost for real one day and then you'll feel very very guilty. Stop being so blind to her age and stage and take appropriate steps.

No I don't but I did see a child squashed by a vehicle because it wriggled free of Mums hand. I am sorry if you are offended by the fact that I think they are a good idea. I too am entitled to my opinion.

And how can I look through things whilst holding her hand? Like I've said, she's a bright 3 1/2 year old who is quite capable of standing next to me for 20 seconds while I look through a rail of clothing

I don't think you'll have done her any long-term damage so don't beat yourself up too much about it.

I do agree with the "you are the centre of her world" point that someone made in an earlier post though. She must have felt devastated and scared when she thought she'd lost you.

And I think that's the difference. If you use approaches like telling a child off / naughty step / etc then they might cry for a while or throw a tantrum, but that's because they are cross that they are being punished and are not getting what they want (so fine, be cross).

But when the child thinks she's lost you, that she's on her own and that she has never ever been on her own before, then that invokes a reaction of genuine fear and desolation. My boy is the exact same age and I can't stomach the thought of him feeling afraid or desolate.

Hopefully your lesson worked and, even though I don't neccessarily agree with your approach, I think being a mum is without doubt THE most difficult (but rewarding) job in the world. Noone gets it right all the time. I barely get it right some of the time

IQ does not = impulse control.

You do seem very blinkered to the fact that she is three, not ten.

colditz it was the first time she's been like this. Of course if she's like it again I'd do more

then GP, maybe my point is that other people's children are not as well equipped as others to learn basic life lessons. ie if you run away maybe mummy will not be able to find you next time.

I hesitate, obviously, to actually call anyone thick.........

colditz, I'm sure the preschool teachers and children wouldn't be hiding on the coach peeping at the individual wandering around on his tod looking for them.

its hardly mind games . child is taught 'do not run away', child runs away and gets a glimpse at the outcome. hopefully the lesson is learned.

I've done it he never done it again.

I don't understand your question giddypickle

I've taken on board what everyone has said and given my answers in reply. No I will not let her leave a shop on her own, no I will not put reins on her. If it happens again then I guess I'll be more sure to hold her hand tightly. It was a spur of the moment thing and I wasn't sure I'd done the right thing hence posting on here.

I'm sure I'm not the only parent who has done something and then thought 'oh crap was that right'

tombliboob I really don't think this was anything like holding her head first over a pond or pretending to push her in front of a car - both of which could end badly!

I was watching her at all times, was ready to jump in if anyone spoke to her and there was no way I'd have let her leave the shop

Julybutterfly, this might be the point at which you need to bow out gracefully. Most people think you were wrong, and I don't think you will win the argument.

Anyhooo, what's it got to do with me, tis AIBU afterall............