Was IBU to hide from DD?

[julybutterfly]

Was in a shop earlier with DD (3 1/2), she kept running off even though I told her to stay with me. So, when I saw her run off again I hid. I could see her at ALL times even though she couldn't see me. She was going from aise to aisle (about 3) and then headed to the exit which is when I got a bit closer. She didn't go out of the exit but stood and burst into tears. When she did that I made sure I stood where she could see me but pretended I didn't know she'd been 'lost'.

Once she saw me she ran up to me saying she thought she'd lost me and couldn't see me. I told her that maybe next time she would stay where she could see me and listen when I said I was moving somewhere else.

Another lady overheard this and told me I was 'mean' and that I would probably traumatise my DD 'by playing that game'.

Was I being unreasonable?!

She doesn't have a pushchair and hasn't had one for a year. I WAS holding her hand, she kept letting go and running off. She'd had the warning that she might lose me....

Not starting a fight, just defending myself! Still willing to accept IABU but not there yet!

I always think of Jamie Bulger, if he had reins. Another child of a mum in my town whose DD was knocked down while she was on her mobile and was distracted for a second. of course you are entitled to your opinion.

my 3 year old would not tolerate a wrist strap

A good reason - there are better ways of teaching a child to stay with you eg hold their hand, persistance in telling them to stay with you etc etc etc.

I'm not sure you should be expecting a three year old to do as you've asked even when you've told them 'more than once'.

She's three, my 9 year old still doesn't do what she's asked to all the time, but I wouldn't go out of my way to make her cry just to teach her the lesson.

I too have a bolter and don't use reins - we hold hands, WHEN she tolerates that, but more often than not when we are shopping she creates merry hell about it, lying on the floor, yowling, twisting out of my grip etc.

OP - I can completely understand why you did this, it is bloody exhausting and frankly terrifying when they run off and mine is the kind of child that simply doesn't either look back or listen. I have seriously contemplated doing what you did, in the hope of some sort of eureka moment, but I haven't as yet purely because I don't think she would blooming bother!

I wasn't distracted I was watching her! Jamie Bulger has no bearing on this AT ALL

sorry. don't know how I managed to post that twice

Oh don't bring James Bulger into it- we can't live assuming the worst.

I don't like reins either, but I also dislike seeing little children zooming around the supermarket possibly causing an accident.

Sneaky and cruel.
She's only little

I don't think a wrist strap or reins should be used, esp at this age, she will be in school next year!!!! they won't have wrist straps there. Life is full of lessons and if this is the way to get through then that is the way it was. She came to no harm if anything it has probably done her good. As her mum has said she is a bright switched on little girl so she should be able to relate any feelings she felt to running off, hence, hopefully stay close to mummy next time....

If you think a 'normally sensible' 3.5 yo is capable of processing 'I can't see Mummy. WHERE is my Mummy? Oh, OK, she'll be teaching me a lesson, it's fine, I must remember to stay near her at all times' then you have rather over-ambitious ideas about child development.

Think it sounds like you allowed her to feel scary feelings - which let's face it are out there in the real world, people, and need to be dealt with - in a safe environment for a short time.

Good on you if it works. (Even if it doesn't)

Lynli, do you own a reins manufacturing business?

No but she is capable of processing 'if I run off I might lose mummy'

i have done the same thing with ds1. he is almost 5 and seems to think i talk just to hear my own voice so after the umpteenth time of him wandering away from me in a shop, i moved away and let him look for me. when he called out i amswered him so he could find me and he stayed with me the rest of the time in the shop. lesson learned, it did him no harm. i would rather he got a scare when he was safely in my eyesight that get a real scare and run out of the shop or go off with some stranger.

She wandered off while I was watching her and calling her name...hence why I hide

YANBU

I had a runner - Ds1.

I tried that and meaner things to stop him running away from me. My concern was not and never has been the dreaded child snatchers. my concern was the road for which he had no regard.

However - it didn't work, he later got a diagnosis of adhd and ASD which kind of explains both why he did it and why my attempts to stop it never worked.

What DID work, to an extent, was a wrist strap. Brilliant things, although it might have been a little worrying for people to hear me threaten to "Get the strap out if you don't stay with me"

Oh, on the wrist strap front, a friend of mine is nanny to 4 kids, of whom 1 was a major bolter.

She used wrist straps for a short while at exactly this age to train the bolter out of the habit. (If you don't hold the pushchair/my hand I will put the wrist strap on you) It really worked and now you would never know it had been a problem.

Do any of you actually have children? I can't believe that only the OP has experienced this.

My DS at 3.5 was very capable of understanding that if he called my bluff, I would call his.

Special's right, I'd forgotten but I used reins as a warning to ds at this age: "If you don't hold my hand and walk nicely, I will have to put the reins on." He was NOT going to allow this affront to the dignity of all his three years so behaved.