Was IBU to hide from DD?

[julybutterfly]

Was in a shop earlier with DD (3 1/2), she kept running off even though I told her to stay with me. So, when I saw her run off again I hid. I could see her at ALL times even though she couldn't see me. She was going from aise to aisle (about 3) and then headed to the exit which is when I got a bit closer. She didn't go out of the exit but stood and burst into tears. When she did that I made sure I stood where she could see me but pretended I didn't know she'd been 'lost'.

Once she saw me she ran up to me saying she thought she'd lost me and couldn't see me. I told her that maybe next time she would stay where she could see me and listen when I said I was moving somewhere else.

Another lady overheard this and told me I was 'mean' and that I would probably traumatise my DD 'by playing that game'.

Was I being unreasonable?!

July - I can't be arsed bothered to read 4 pages of replies - sorry. I see that paisley says you are now feeling guilty about it and wouldn't do it again.... but I'd still like to say...

YANBU - she's 3 - old enough to understand to do as she's told. A little fright will do her no lasting harm and will teach her to do as she's told. We all learn lessons from unpleasant things happening to us - better this unpleasant thing was 'manufactured' by you and she learns from it, than you keep asking her so very nicely then she really gets lost!!

As for the poster bringing up Jamie Bulger - fgs it was once, this is not a daily occurance, we cannot live our lives in fear of that happening.

YANBU, she was safe the whole time. It surely better for her to learn this way (when she is being watched) than to learn by actually getting lost.

Sorry haven't read much of this thread

BUT wanted to say, my Mum used to 'play me at my own game' all the time when I was a child, and I really have no faith or trust in her now, 30 years on - she destroyed that - like other posters, I have a very clear memory of the terror every time she hid from me, and the humiliation of the big reveal "I was here all the time".

So you were not only being unreasonable, but you were being really mean and shortsighted.

I hope your little girl is not traumatised by your actions and that you learn to be there for her - you are her rock, please chose to behave like one for her. You need to restore her faith in you, she will remember today.

only read OP but at 3 pages, I worry about where this thread has gone!

YANBU though - I did it to DS once; he never ran off again.

oh - and he can't remember it; he's now 7 and perfectly normal.

Hiding once does not a booking for counselling make.

Dd1 was just getting to that stage where she wanted out of the buggy, so I started with small trips, like to the shops 10 minutes away.

She was good, holding hands all the way there & most of the way back. When we stopped at a crossing on the busy road, she must have decided she didn't want to stop, because she slipped my hand & ran.

Right into the path of a oncoming truck, with a driver staring out of his window & whistling at some young girl on the other side of the road, one so he didn't see her (no one had respect for this crossing, as it wasn't one with lights, you just hope that the drivers stop)

As a mother, your instinct is to protect your child....but I could not move. I was rooted to the spot. I screamed tho...which alerted the driver who braked as hard as he could. Inches from my dd.

I decided not to use reins that day, as she had proved she could be 'trust worthy' and that she 'understood the concept' of not letting go of my hand & had NEVER ever bolted before. I still get a feeling of nausea as I write this, almost 4yrs on.

It only takes one time. Yours was in a supermarket, mine was on a road, with real dangers. I guess that is why I love reins & didn't trust my daughter 'getting the concept' for some time after that.

YOU have to learn some lessons, sometimes...as well as your child.

Can't decide if YABU or not. But shop online in future until she's lesa of a bolter.

Having genuinely lost my 3.5 year old in a supermarket I would never pretend to hide from her. She hadn't bolted she'd gone to look for tomatoes. She was terrified when I found her, as was I. She remembers.

She knows if she doesn't behave in the supermarket she goes in the trolley but that rarely happens.

It sounds like you were following her for a while if she went down three aisles, maybe she was looking for you all that time not running away.

OP. I don't think YABU. My dd is a great roamer even at the age of 9. She frequently wanders away from me then panics when she can't find me. I have stayed in the same place and watched her run around, I don't deliberately hide but don't make myeslf obvious ITMS. Could you perhaps threaten her with rope round the stomach?

Well I think you were being reasonable to be fair and I would do similar.

I would not put a 3.5 year old in reins and certainly not in a pushchair.

I hope it worked

YANBU Reins dont teach a child anything they just restrain them doesnt mean as soon as they are off them they wont leg it. Aso long as OP could see her DD then she wasnt going to come to any harma dn hopefully DD will have learnt not to wander off.
Hopefully it worked dont worry what other people say Im sure they were perfect parents who would never do anything that anyone would be about.

I don't get this thing about reins, Small children ARE an awful lot like dogs. Well, more like puppies specifically.

Probably not at 3 1/2 though.

YABU, poor little girl was scared. Also, first you say 'I WAS holding her hand, she kept letting go...' then you admit you let go to look through clothes. Your DD won't know if she's coming or going! Why don't you take responsibility for your 3yr old's safety instead of passing the buck to her?