To speak firmly to my friends child in a restaurant about his behaviour?

[BrownPaperandString]

Her and my DCs are 2.

Her DS kept leaning in to and pawing at my DS while he was trying to eat and generally being up and down, jumping about, leaning across the table, tipping drinks over etc.

His mum was trying the distraction technique but it wasn't working (it never usually does!).

Anyway - DS was starting to get annoyed, so i just said very firmly to her DS 'please leave DS alone, sit down there and let him eat his dinner!'. I said it in a very firm tone and the one I would have used if he was messing about. Everyone was rather taken aback I think.

Suddenly thought my friend might have been rather peed off. AIBU?

In that situation I think I would've moved my DS further away from her DS rather than reprimanded him myself and risk the minefield of telling off someone else's child in front of the mother! If everyone was rather taken back, maybe it came across as you being cross with her DS? Which would be a bit U. Avoiding lunch with 2 years olds is another tactic!!!

i should think you will be flamed...

i dont think you are u, but others will!

this is something that I would probably have done in the past. Some friends will appreciate the intervention, others would have been pissed off... its a tricky one.

no, YANBU, I do get fed up of some peoples children who dont seem to know how to behave.

Then again, I would expect someone to tell my child to stop messing around if they were annoying their children while eating, so swings 'n' roundabouts.

Had you tried distraction/moving your DS away abit/a more friendly approach first? Or did you being cross come totally out of the blue to the others?
It is tricky. Maybe the other mum felt undermined.

YANBU, he needed telling and it's not like you were shouting at him, as you say you were just being firm. He was irritating your DC so fair enough I think

yes, I think you were rude and you humiliated his mother

his mother was there, ergo it was her call not yours. If you don't like the way she allows her ds to behave you should either speak to HER about it or distance yourself - you can't take over in front of her!

Difficult one given the age to be honest.

You wouldn't have been unreasonable if we were talking about 8 yr olds. But 2 year olds and good restaurant behaviour don't tend to go hand in hand. Or knowing instinctively how to behave towards other small children. My friend's son, a few months older than dd, used to be a bit the same when they were that age, he was very big and obviously wanted to hug her, cuddle her etc, but it actually used to hurt her, with them still being at that clumsy stage.

In your friend's place, I would have been pissed off I think. (sorry)

YABU (though I sympathise with your frustration)

just out of interest did you ask your friend/did she intimate that she was. If she wasn't handling the situation and it was about to blow up if your DS retailiated or started tantrumming I really don't see what the problem is.

My sister is very "dreamy" and often lets things go unchecked - 7 year old stealing matches out of a handbag, crawling under table during meals. She gets irritated when other sister, mum and I tell them off, but none of us want to be responsible for accidents or feel like our space (our legs, for instance, over a Sunday roast) is being violated. We don't punish, just say firmly " Put the matches down/sit at the table or you will have to stay in the garden/the playroom for the rest of the afternoon". I'd quite happily tell an adult off for this kind of behaviour and ask them to leave us in piece if they rummaged through handbags or tried to cop a feel or generally tried to wind up other people so don't see it as hypocritical or overwheening in authority.

you were probabky justified but i doubt the other mother would bring her ds for a meal with you again.

Did the 2 year old you told off stop doing what he was doing as a result of what you said?
And if so how long did he sit still for?

It sounds like your ds is better at sitting still and/or was probably more hungry.

My ds was a lot like this as a 2 year old but on one of my good days I'd probably have taken him away outside to play with him for a bit but there was a good chance that would result in a tantrum and a lot of screaming. Maybe you (and his mother) were asking too much of this particular 2 year old to sit still and wait until another child finishes eating

yanbu, if i was ur friend i would have appreciated it, and thanked u for saying something!

If you want to know what I would have done, I'd have said to the mother (assuming she was a good friend)

"I think he needs to go outside a bit he is having trouble waiting and (my) de needs to finish eating, why not take him outside for a bit just until my ds has finished eating then they can play it bit together"

If that were my child I would be really pleased that my friend spoke to him. So often a quick word from someone who is not 'mummy' saves a lot of cross words from me! Even when lads were two I think.

YANBU

I would just check with her though, and point out that you were hoping to help her rather than criticise her parenting!

I would speak like this to my own children but never to someone else's children when the parents are there. I have occasionally told other children off, but not in my most stern voice. I save that for my own children.were

yabu, he is only 2 and whilst learning table manners is important its not your job to teach them.

yanbu but I generally wouldn't dare cos I know parents get so upset when you do.

But I like it when people tick my children off for bad behaviour, I want to have children that other people want to have around, not the sort of children everyone shudders at the thought of. And other people telling them when they find their behaviour irritating helps with that, I think.

I agree completely with Belgo. DD is not quite 3 so eating out with 2yos is still a fairly regular pasttime. I would certainly say something to the other parent before telling off the child myself unless the mother was physically absent (i.e taking another child to the loo or something)

YANBU. Maybe, going by the reactions of the people with you, you were a bit loud or too firm sounding, but I think you did the right thing.

Surely it depends on the parent and your relationship with the parent. I have some friends where we tell each others children off without thinking, treat them as one of your own and then there are some friends that I do not know well enough to tell their children off. However I would not be offended at all if someone told my child off except if they had not done anything wrong.

Whilst I do agree, lilmiss, I do think, in this situation, where the other child was preventing the OP's child from eating/enjoying his lunch, then it was acceptable.

YANBU - Personally I'd prefer the direct action you took, to patraonising asking the mother for 'permission' or saying "do you think perhaps he needs to go outside" etc etc.

Did it work?

YANBU.

If you had done that to my DD she would have bawled her eyes out at ten thousand decibels because she gets scared when other people shout at her, thus exacerbating the problem (not helping it). SO YABU cos that could have happened when you did it too.

Having said that, if I was the friend I would have nipped out with the kid and had a little wander around or gone to the loo so she could calm down. But even so...

tricky one.

If I were your friend, I think I'd rather you'd said something to me first - maybe in a jokey way like "can you calm your DS down a bit, he's about to explode all over the restaurant" or something.

at least given me the opportunity to sort it myself.

on the other hand, as menopause says, sometimes a firm word has more effect from someone who is not their mum.

I don't think you were rude, just a little hasty maybe.