To speak firmly to my friends child in a restaurant about his behaviour?

[BrownPaperandString]

Her and my DCs are 2.

Her DS kept leaning in to and pawing at my DS while he was trying to eat and generally being up and down, jumping about, leaning across the table, tipping drinks over etc.

His mum was trying the distraction technique but it wasn't working (it never usually does!).

Anyway - DS was starting to get annoyed, so i just said very firmly to her DS 'please leave DS alone, sit down there and let him eat his dinner!'. I said it in a very firm tone and the one I would have used if he was messing about. Everyone was rather taken aback I think.

Suddenly thought my friend might have been rather peed off. AIBU?

Of course YANBU. I would have done exactly the same.

What's the problem? He was annoying your ds. You gave your ds a good model of what to say if someone is annoying them. And your ds needs you to stand up for him.

My friend's 2 yr old bawled his eyes out the first time I told him to stop climbing on my coffee table. The second time he just got down. We understand each other perfectly.

YANBU

Better your way than mine which would probably have been to get cross and tell the mother to pull her head out of her arse and sort her child.

Admittedly 2 year olds are, ahem, challenging. But, I think she should have sorted the situation not left him to annoy your ds whilst he is eating. V rude of her actually.

YANBU.

And anyone who says you are, clearly has the sort of child that needs to be told off by other people and is resentful when said people do it / is ludicrously slow to realise their child is annoying the fook out of everyone around them.

YABU hes 2 .....

Even 2 yr olds have to learn that there is life outside his mummy and daddy. I have no hesitation telling off other people's children if those children are directly impacting on me.

If they are being generally badly behaved then good luck to the mother - i'll just move away and let her get on with it. BUT if said child is poking, punching, directly annoying me, then I've got every right to tell said child that their behaviour is unacceptable and to stop doing whatever it is. Ditto if said child is irritating/hurting one's own child.

It does a child NO harm to be reminded that they are not the centre of the universe (despite what their parents might lead them to believe) and that they have to consider others.

Well done OP.
I would have done the same.
Did the child respond ie sit down quietly? If so, maybe his mum should try that tactic instead of "oh darling, don't do that."

Depends on how good a friend the other mum is. With my good friends we all "parent" each other's kids, with an acquaintance though I would be pissed, but then on the other hand I wouldn't let it get that far.

I think distraction works much better than 'speaking firmly' to a 2 yr old. In fact in my expirience, 2 year old boys are more likely to keep doing/do more of the naughty thing if you draw attention to it. Drawing attention away from it is the way forward, not giving negative attention...
So yes YABU

YANBU

Distraction is definitely a valid technique, but it clearly wasn't working in this particular instance...

YANBU - what mosschops said .

Yes YABU, and rude. There's a golden rule, and however frustrating it is, you need to follow it: If the parent is there the parent alone must discipline their child. If the parent isn't there then you are quite right to do so.
... So next time wait until the parent has gone to the loo, then do it

I think the OP is clearly lucky, having a well behaved 2 year old and is putting it down to 'parenting techniques'
I made this mistake with DC1 who was so quiet and well behaved I thought it was down to my mega parenting skills... I thought I was Supernanny incarnate! But then DC2 came along and I was proved wrong... I wouldn't even go in a resturant with him as I know he would do all the naughty things mentioned above.. but after all, they're 2 yr olds!
Plenty of time for table manners when they get older

5Dollar - I am very strict with my own dc's. And in a similar situation if my dc had been misbehaving - I would have just apologised and left - sometimes that is the best thing to do especially with 2 year olds in my experience.

But lunch out with 2 year olds is not my favourite passtime I must say.

DS1 was a nightmare when out - ate his food and then was ready to go where as ds2 would sit eating and being good for hours. Good job I had the easy one second or I would have been so smug

Lunchtime out with my 17mo is not my favourite pastime either - it is hard work as he has a very limited timeframe for good behaviour in such situations (his age and temperament). He is very demanding and I am under no illusions about my mega parenting skills, whatsoever (maybe No. 2 due in a few weeks will be more 'placid' )!

I just wouldn't ignore him, or persevere with distraction techniques while he pissed other people off.

No - as I said - I'd have left - and have done so on more than one occasion with ds1.

Good luck with number 2 - I have 19 months between my 2 youngest and its lovely.

"There's a golden rule, and however frustrating it is, you need to follow it: If the parent is there the parent alone must discipline their child."

Who made this golden rule, InmyheadIminParis?

It isn't a golden rule in my life.

If someone feels the need to tell my DCs off, they can go right ahead.

I would feel one of the following:

• mortified that my DCs were being annoying and I didn't think they were

• relieved that someone else was being the Bad Guy for a change, instead of my constant "No" and "Stop it" being ignored or only obeyed for twenty seconds

• irritated that someone was telling my child off for doing something I don't consider naughty. This gives me the opportunity to explain to my DCs that a) "different people have different rules and we have to adapt ourselves to different social situations" and b) "HA! So you thought I was strict did you? I told you other people were tougher on manners than me."

yes ok, but the op's friend was obviously trying to help the situation by distraction.

She knows her DC better than the OP, perhaps shouting at him makes his behaviour worse?

Perhaps he was not doing too badly anyway?
Messing about pouring drinks over etc is pretty average normal behaviour for a 2 yr old isn't it?

Where does the OP say she shouted? In the first post she says she "said very firmly."

yabu and ridiculous. You expect a 2 year old to sit still and behave in a restaurant!? and you think that if you give out to him he will suddenly manage to behave??

what balloonslayer said. WTF is this 'golden rule' because I've never heard of it. Good grief. If you spend your life inventing your own golden rules and expecting everyone else to live up to them, you are going to end up going crazy.

I'm only too pleased if someone else tells ds off if he's being a PITA. Children don't exist in a precious little bubble of child + parent. They live in a world with lots of other people too and we all have to learn to rub along.

Thanks Tracey - it will be 18 months difference for us, and I am mildly freaking out, so good to know it's not all bad!

Framey - it's just my take on it. I don't think you can blanket say that the distraction technique is better than dealing with it slightly more firmly. Personally, I would be mortified if my DS was behaving in such a way as to cause someone else to have to speak with him (not that they told him off per se, but that it got to a situation where they even needed to), but this thread just goes to show what an absolute minefield speaking up is.

YANBU to be annoyed and YANBU to believe that (even) a 2yo needs to be told what is acceptable behaviour (whether they understand/listen or not - it's got to start somewhere).

However, YABU interfering when the childs mother was present.

YANBU

Guess I have really low standards as I can't imagine my two year old being still for any length of time, and would probably do the distraction thing too...