to be unsure if I should report friend to SS?

[custardismyhamster]

Friend is 23, has dyspraxia (and other things I think as have read up on dyspraxia and it's just difficulties with co-ordination if I'm right, so she may not run as well as others etc)

She has a DD, 8 months.

Her DD is not cared for very well and I am worried. Whenever I visit her DD is passed to me and I end up caring for her. If I don't, she gets ignored-so today she was sat on floor playing with a toy, she fell and banged her head (was fine!) and cried so I left it for a few minutes, my friend ignored her so I picked her up, cuddled her, then distracted with funny faces-her DD laughed and forgot about her fall bless her.

Anyway the little girl doesn't seem to ever be properly clean (not as in oh she has baby food on her clothes-she is a baby they get messy! but as in she stinks-literally after clean nappy on etc, her hair FEELS greasy and she smells. She also has terrible exema and cream from gp, friend doesnt put it on her as 'makes my hands feel greasy')

She is also never spoken to, or interacted with by my friend, at least not when I am there.

Friend never seems to buy her anything she needs-had no cot until about 7 months old etc, but yet can afford pauls boutique bags and mac makeup for herself...hmm.

AND friend told me today that to make money (she doesn't work, but lives at home with her mother, who does work and she isn't paying any board even) that she is sleeping with men for money-in her house, in front of her DD.

This has worried me and I feel it's the final straw-should I now as a concerned onlooker be speaking to social services or similar, as am concerned about little girls welfare?

Any advice really appreciated guys as don't know what to do for the best but don't want little girl to suffer

The child needs to come first, but not only.

There is no point in putting the child first and only to such an extent that you completely ignore the detrimental effect that you are having on the rest of the family (which of course will in turn effect the child).

I know that not all SW are like that, but the other day I remembered something that mine said that I hadn't thought much of at the time, but looking back now am . TBH it has stirred me up again which may be why I've steamed into this thread, I want to get it all of my chest. I am still so angry about the whole thing.

I don't blame you one bit. I read your story as it unfolded with mounting horror. You were investigated for doing the right thing FGS!

Maybe some sort of support thread is needed. There are plenty of us here who have had the same experiences.

Do you know milady I think that you might be onto something there. Am impressed that you remember what happened with us, that's a good memory!

In the same way that I had a "debrief" after I had DD1, I feel the need to talk about what happened to us with SS. I know there are a lot of us and at the moment we all end up on threads like these, and probably send threads off at a tangent, and SWs feel attacked.

I think a support thread would be a really good idea. People can say what happened to them and get it all off their chests, and have a whinge.

Sounds good to me If you start it I will come and hang around with you

BTW you have a very good memory if remembering what happened with us!

"we all end up on threads like these, and probably send threads off at a tangent, and SWs feel attacked"

Exactly. It would need to be in a fairly out of the way place I think. Maybe the legal board. Then when a thread like this comes about we can direct newcomers to it.

And well done yourself sticking with what you were determined to through in the face of all that pressure

It is Jenbots view that I argue against. I can not express to her how wrong her view is. Many of us have tried. But it is pointless.

I don't know, the OP sounds more worried that baby wasn't clear enough than the fact that her 'friend' had turned to prostitution!

Who would be unsure in such a situation?
Who has friends- not addicts, not desperate (has a roof over her head) who, months after giving birth, casually admit they have turned to prostitution whilst their mum's at work?

This doesn't make sense to me so

I for one have no problem with sw'ers at all. It is people who report suposed abuse, to the sw'ers, thta I have a problem with.

Hmm I seem to be very keen on complimenting you on your memory! Hope you noticed Legal might be good. Or just "Other subjects"? I am a bit worried that legal bods might think we are asking for advice when really we just want a rant!

Altinkum thank you for your advice. It was a while back now and so I am keeping my head down, and hopefully we won't have to have any dealings with anyone again. I also meant to say that I was so terribly sorry to read what has happened to you in your life, you must be very proud that you are able to make a difference in the lives of children who are being subjected to abuse themselves.

I agree with Avrilhey. Re Op, I think there is cause for concern here.
But some other threads re a baby crying. I despair.
I don't think may Mn'ers know what the word abuse actually means. And an acqusation of such. IT A VERY SERIOUS ALLEGATION.

ISNT, I think of you often. In relation to me. Just to let you know. Hope that is of minor comfort.

Alt, I thought you were very rough on Leonie. saying her view was morphed etc. All our views are morphed. Yours is very very morphed by being in a very abusive childhood. Now a SW. which when you really think about it is quite ironic.
Mine is morphed from being in a totally loving, caring, firm but fair, disciplined childhood. And stories of abuse still shock me. and i can't quite get my head round them. seriously.

I think you were unfair to Leonie.

I think oblomov is talking about situations like mine, where a third party agency over-reacted and reported me, without ever having met me, and without having any sensible reason for doing so. I had a feeling that after what happened with Baby P, they were pretty much reporting everyone, to be on the safe side. In fact I asked them and that is what they more or less confirmed. Which is obviously not sensible, cost effective, effective in preventing abuse (as workloads are clogged up with people where there are obviously no problems) etc.

Thanks for your good wishes Altinkum, the last couple of years have been interesting, and hopefully i will be a stronger person at the end of it! Have a lovely walk in the sunshine

Alt, yes every time a child goes to A&E, they are duty bound to inform HV . this is fine. but whne does the hv say decide to report to ss. what are the grounds for the hv to suggest abuse.
how does having a child who bangs his/her head, and the line between a normal accident and abuse. now thta is a cloudy line, surely.
A mother who takes her child to hospital. and then gets accused of abuse.
talk me through that thought process. because i don't get it.

Sorry custardismyhamster I see you did tell us what you were going to go and I missed it. My apologies, you've done the right thing.

Think carefully I had to make a horriable choice to report someone and it still rips me apart that I did it .

I had to for the children involved but it's not something to do lightly when you make the descion.I'm aware of what the consequences could well be but the
had to weigh the consequences against if I did not

Think carefully I had to make a horriable choice to report someone and it still rips me apart that I did it .

I had to for the children involved but it's not something to do lightly when you make the descion.I'm aware of what the consequences could well be but the
had to weigh the consequences against if I did not

But honestly, how on earth are SWs meant to know which accusations are unfounded without looking into it if someone reports concerns? I haven't read about Trinity so I can't comment on that.

I suppose I'm coming at it from the POV where a good friend of mine is a SW, and I really feel she works so hard doing a very stressful and difficult job, trying to do the best for whole families, not just the children.

I know someone else who fosters babies and the social workers there do honestly do their best to keep the babies with their parents if at all possible.

Hmm, I suppose I have got the impression from my life experience that SS try to provide help where they can.

That is not the job for the SW. I mean we all know they have to consider it/investiagte it, once it is bought to their attention. of course thta is reasonable. i don't have a problem with that.
The person who reports to the SW, IN THE FIST PLACE, needs to have 'reasonable grounds'.
They have to be held accountable. If that person is a hv, a gp, a outside help agency, who is still aprofessional person, who must comply with proceedures. you have to have reasonable grounds. you can't just do what you want willy nilly, and then turn round and say, oh i thought there was possible abuse.
Possible abuse. what do you actually mean ? thats a very serious allegation.
I think I can safely say that the person who rang the ss in malady's and ISNT's cases, did NOT have REASONABLE GROUNDS.

Does anyone wish to tell me that they think malady and ISNT should have been reported to SS ? Are you ? seriously ?
Do you think they abused or neglected their children ?
Post baby P. everyone is more focused. of course. but we have to be reasonable here. this is just over-reaction.