to be updset at friends bullying me about baby care AND baby name???

[jaabaar]

I really really got upset when my friend visited me last week. Baby is 4 months old.

THis is what happened:

• Friend: Can I feed a banana? Me: No, we didnt start weaning yet. Friend: OK. AND feeds the banana! Same happened next day

• My baby has two first names. The second name is in honour of my mum. But we call the baby by the first first name.

Friend: DO NOT call her the first name. It is horrible, where did you find it out of the blue???? Why do you give such a meaning less name??? You MUST call her by the second name. And during her stay whenver I called baby by first first name we had the same story.....

• Friend: What name will you give priest when you baptise? (I say both names). Friend: NO NO NO, If you do that I will not baptise the baby!

• Friend: WHY dont you put honey on the dummy if she doesnt take dummy?

Me: Because honey should not be fed before 1 year! Friend: WHY are you being so difficult??? For centuries it was like that! My God how you have changed!!!

And it goes on and on and on....

I am exhausted from swallowing all of this without getting into arguments just for peace sake.

WHAT could I have done and what can I do NEXT time????

Surely a baby's name is a parents business....

Everyone's already said it in different ways really but I think you've got to choose between allowing this woman to dominate and bully you plus try to take control of your baby... or stand up for yourself and your child. She is not acting as a friend and you are frightened and cowed by her ('confrontation is a no-no' - 'It'll be war' you say). Let your love and protective instincts for your baby rule and not this jealous, childless, bossy old friend. Time for you to grow up and take charge of your life!

I am sympathetic by the way. I was an 'older' first time mum too, at 40, but I think motherhood matures you in a different way. I had a smaller-scale battle with one of my oldest (childless) friends some years ago when she started behaving a little like you describe your old friend doing.. criticising and being harsh about my parenting. This got me so mad I felt willing to let the friendship go. But after I snapped and snarled at her a few times she soon got the message and stopped all that nonsense. The friends without kids can feel like they're losing you and some will try to use power/control tactics to get you 'back'. They just need to accept your changed status and the fact that your baby is your business (not theirs) and also your priority. But you must stand up for yourself! The name stuff, the feeding your baby, the TV etc. is abusive. Stop it right now!

Yep! she's a cunt ( and I do not say this lightly! I am not normally a sweary poster!). Ditch her, it doesn't matter how you do it, but get her away from your family.

I have a vaguely similar problem with a family member and I am seriously considering cutting her out of our lives because of the amoubt of stress she is causing me. It will cause very severe family repercussions, but I have to put my mental health and my childrens wellbeing 1st.

This women is clearly a loon. Ditch her now before she pushes you to do something you may regret.

And she is your friend, why?

jaabaar, you really are too nice a person; you know what to do but it would appear that you don't have too much experience in confronting people.

Can you not just ask your husband or someone to deal with this particular woman, screen her calls etc and maybe when you have the time get some help on how to learn to be more assertive and not take other people's shit personally...

get rid of her.

Where do you live? Maybe some of us could come round and back you up!

a friend would be happy for you, everybody gives you advice, sometimes more than once if you don't take it, but that is bullying.
i can simpathise with you, i have had a friend who i have not seen since i was 3 months pregnant, ds is 1 month old and she has not yet heard he is born, neither bother to call me to ask if i'm alright, it's sad, but...
go to a nice local mums club, breast feeding, clinic, toddler, whatever... and make some nice friends, then you'll feel better to tell her to get lost, unless she is ready to apologize

I had a friend like this - not quite as bad - but when DD was born she was always making little subtle remarks about things like me selling out by moving to 'semi-detached suburbia', and 'I don't know why you're bothering to breastfeed, it's so much work', 'why are you sterilising bottles, my sister didn't bother' etc etc - not great when I was an unconfident first time mum

Can now see she was jealous that I was settled with a husband and baby when she was still single and felt I'd moved on. 10 years later she has a baby and everything has to be just so - she's 10x the perfectionist I was about feeding, sterilising etc - how I'd love to remind her....

I reckon your friend is not handling the fact that you have a baby and she is jealous very well and taking it out on you. Mean cow

Jabaar - I don't this diplomacy is going to work with this woman. Don't concern yourself about offending her or hurting her feelings, she has been trampling over yours at a time when you are probably feeling particularly vulnerable!

Not saying eye for an eye, but if you are not completely blunt about her unacceptable behaviour she will ignore your diplomatic intentions to tell her you don't like her behaviour.

You are clearly a fantastic mum Don't let her make you think otherwise - you are doing great in minimising the risks to your baby. FWIW NOTHING should be put on a baby's dummy, let alone honey as it could cause tooth decay! And babies don't have to have dummies, if your baby doesn't want one, why bother tricking her into having one!

She sounds really poisonous, I would refuse to have her as a Godparent and cut off contact, personally. You will make new friends, do you get to any mum and baby groups?

HI All,

Bouncing Turtle: I have found a new friend (neighbour) who gave birth a month earlier than me. It is surprising how being a mum connects you to people!

Regarding confrontation: I dont mind the confrontation, what I really really REALLY mind is that she would acuse me of being the way she is! That just would drive me mad.

SHe lives in another country, but visits about 6 times a year. And twice weekly phone calls ec. She plans to move to UK in a few years time...