to be updset at friends bullying me about baby care AND baby name???

[jaabaar]

I really really got upset when my friend visited me last week. Baby is 4 months old.

THis is what happened:

• Friend: Can I feed a banana? Me: No, we didnt start weaning yet. Friend: OK. AND feeds the banana! Same happened next day

• My baby has two first names. The second name is in honour of my mum. But we call the baby by the first first name.

Friend: DO NOT call her the first name. It is horrible, where did you find it out of the blue???? Why do you give such a meaning less name??? You MUST call her by the second name. And during her stay whenver I called baby by first first name we had the same story.....

• Friend: What name will you give priest when you baptise? (I say both names). Friend: NO NO NO, If you do that I will not baptise the baby!

• Friend: WHY dont you put honey on the dummy if she doesnt take dummy?

Me: Because honey should not be fed before 1 year! Friend: WHY are you being so difficult??? For centuries it was like that! My God how you have changed!!!

And it goes on and on and on....

I am exhausted from swallowing all of this without getting into arguments just for peace sake.

WHAT could I have done and what can I do NEXT time????

Surely a baby's name is a parents business....

"Friend: What name will you give priest when you baptise? (I say both names). Friend: NO NO NO, If you do that I will not baptise the baby!"

What did you mean by that? Did you mean to type that she'd said she wouldn't be godmother?

If so, there's a good start. Don't invite her to the Baptism at all and if she asks why remind her nicely of what she said.

I'd just drop her like a hot brick though.

jaabaar. It sonuds like a really unhealthy friendship. Being so compliant it seems you are enabling or almost encouraging this behaviour. I think you said she has always been like this so doubt she will change now. So either do what needs to be done and be sharp or dump her or carry as before and don't complain. Sorry if I sound sharp but that amount of compliance and not sticking up for yourself can sometimes bring the worst out in the stronger, more domineering kind of personal. Out of curiosity - does she have any goodpoints?

Get shut pronto - she's no friend.

Cut.Her.Out. Seriously, you don't need her in your life!

What a wagon, she is no friend to you.

Scanty: You dont sound sharp at all. Very very true what you are saying and I totally agree with it. The only reason I do not say the same things 10 times and say it only 3 times to her is that otherwise there would be absolute WAR!

She never used to be like this in the past. Very easy going. Just since I have the baby she things it is more hers then mine!

She is usually very caring, honest and reliable and has proved these over the past 20 years.

Baloonslayer:
Yes she is one of 3 Godmothers.

Your relationship has probably gone all out of kilter with you having the baby. Everything's changed, you, your priorities etc. Maybe she's having a real problem with this and doesn't know how to make the transition, she could be jealous of the baby and the time he demands from you now. I know when I had mine I gradually grew away from many of my non child friends (I never went back to work) and developed friendships with lots of new friends who were mums like me. Lots of things do change.

jaabaar: She actually sounds really abusive to me. I had a friend like this, years ago--I'd known her for ages, we'd been good friends in the past. She contradicted everything I said, made fun of decisions I'd made, went out of her way to make me look a fool in public, undermined other relationships, classic abusive behaviour.

When I finally cut her off I felt so free. I could do whatever I wanted, buy what I liked, eat what I liked all with out having to hear anything negative or dismissive.

Just let her go. You don't want her in your baby's life. Stop calling her, don't take her calls, don't make plans to see her. You'll feel so much better for it.

so she doesn't have any children but thinks she knows better than you?! Ditch her. Totally unacceptable to feed your baby after you had said no.......shows a complete lack of respect.

I would consider someone who fed my 4 mo baby something I had specifically asked her not to, a danger to my child.

I would not see her again, 20 yrs or not.

I might be completely wrong here, so apologies if so.

If she doesn´t want children I´m wondering why she is so interested in yours.
Please don´t take that wrong-I´m not trying to suggest your baby isn´t lovely!

I´m wondering if she wants children & it isn´t/hasn´t happened, & is almost pretending that your child is hers.

If she continues like this i would cut her off, her behaviour is totally acceptable and she sounds like a nutter. Dont keep giving so many chances just get rid. You may have known her 20 yrs bt she treats you so disrespectfully, is she worth being around?
You probably will meet lots of new people with babies the same age so you can replace this one loon lady with some of those. You dont need her

Hating confrontation as I do, I think I would postpone the baptism rather than have this woman as a godparent, or tell her I no longer wanted her as a godparent. I think she has taken her godparentship much too seriously, i.e. she thinks this makes her actually the parent and shuts you out!

I was like this while reading your OP. How dare she? Unless you have called the baby Shithead or something, but even then I would say she was being tactless.

I think then I would just not contact her again, or only to meet up for a coffee or swim without the baby. I have a very dear childless friend who manages to annoy me with her pronouncements about childrearing, but I know that she is desperate for children herself so make allowances, and despite what she says, she would NEVER go against my wishes with my child. YANBU.

Have just seen that she is to be a godparent.

So has she been acting differently since you asked her to do this?

TBH, I´d take her at her word when she says that she won´t be there if you use the names you´ve chosen-sounds like the perfect get out!

Jabaar, you sound a bit like myself - i hate confrontations. I think you know yourself you need to cut this person out of your life.

For a start, don't answer the phone to her. Ignore all her calls, and don't return any.
If she visits, totally disregard everything she says and talk to your baby instead. Don't comment on any of her remarks. And don't invite her to baby's baptismal. Don't let her know when or where it's on. Don't even let her know any of your plans.
She will get bored and move onto someone else.

Believe me, I've been there and this worked for me!

Personally I think Shithead is a nice name for a girl...

Seriously OP, could you maybe rope your partner in here, give you a bit of support? What does he think about your loony bossy friend? Isn't he a bit pissed off too?

God! Shove the banana up her arse

i think you need to remind yourself of the definition of "friend". this woman is not it.

I think telling her she is no longer godmother (totally necessary decision, btw) will tip her over the edge and lead to huge shouting which you are ill-equipped to deal with. Either do it when your partner is around or write/email her instead. It doesn't mater if you have known this woman since birth, she may once have been your friend but she can no longer claim that friendship. Maybe she does have issues about not having children herself, despite saying she doesn't want them, maybe she is bullying you because she is angry that your life has now moved in a different direction and you will no longer have as much time for her, who knows? Things will only get worse, your baby doesn't understand at the moment but what will happen when she is three and being fed coke and sausage rolls by her godmother and told that her mum is a rubbish mum and doesn't do things properly?

I think I would just say "is that what you did with your baby" (if you insist on seeing this "friend" again) and then when she has to say she hasn't got one say "and that's exactly why I am ignoring your opinion"

Fuck her. She is not your friend. She got issues. Get her out of your life ASAP.

Given that you don't like confrontation, it may be easier for you to present it as a "done deal". Ask someone else to be the godmother, then write, text or email your friend and tell her. She told you that she won't be godmother if your baby is given the name you want so just take her at her word.

And you may not be good at sticking up for yourself, but I'll bet that you discover that you are VERY good at sticking up for your baby. Well, the things your ex-friend is doing are not good for your baby and could hurt her, either by risking botulism or choking, or (later on) emotionally, such as when the friend says nasty things about her name, or is disrespectful to you in front of your baby.

Look at her innocent little face and you will find the strength within you to protect her from this awful woman.

Further to what lisianthus said, don't inflict her on your DD as a Godmother. If she can be this unpleasant to you, you need to consider the position you're putting your baby in.

woah, why isnt the honey=botulism=baby paralysis connection more publicised FFS?

i fed my babbas lots of honey when they were under a year and they're fine!

how do you all know this stuff???

Friends tell you or you pick it up from the media?

I knew babies werent to have honey but I assumed it was pollen related (hay fever)

OP, please stop enabling this woman to hurt you anymore by just cutting her out.