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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be updset at friends bullying me about baby care AND baby name???

134 replies

jaabaar · 10/06/2010 10:25

I really really got upset when my friend visited me last week. Baby is 4 months old.

THis is what happened:

  • Friend: Can I feed a banana? Me: No, we didnt start weaning yet. Friend: OK. AND feeds the banana! Same happened next day
  • My baby has two first names. The second name is in honour of my mum. But we call the baby by the first first name.
Friend: DO NOT call her the first name. It is horrible, where did you find it out of the blue???? Why do you give such a meaning less name??? You MUST call her by the second name. And during her stay whenver I called baby by first first name we had the same story.....
  • Friend: What name will you give priest when you baptise? (I say both names). Friend: NO NO NO, If you do that I will not baptise the baby!
  • Friend: WHY dont you put honey on the dummy if she doesnt take dummy?
Me: Because honey should not be fed before 1 year! Friend: WHY are you being so difficult??? For centuries it was like that! My God how you have changed!!!

And it goes on and on and on....

I am exhausted from swallowing all of this without getting into arguments just for peace sake.

WHAT could I have done and what can I do NEXT time????

Surely a baby's name is a parents business....

OP posts:
MillyR · 10/06/2010 11:13

My former neighbour was like this with my baby. Even before I brought DS home from the hospital, I phoned my house in the evening and she answered the phone and said she was getting the house ready for the baby as I had got everything wrong, and that she was having an affair with DH.

I did not want to get into a fight with her but made sure I hid upstairs or was always 'just about to go out' when she called around. If you cannot stand up to her I suggest you do the same. She still saw fit to comment on anything she saw me doing outside of the house, but at least she couldn't get near DS to inflict her alternative parenting.

GavisconGirl · 10/06/2010 11:14

She sounds awful and totally disrespectful to you. I would have nothing more to do with her. She has issues around you having the baby - maybe she's jealous of the baby if now your time is fully occupied by the baby when you used to have time for her? - and is trying to undermine you. You can't trust her to respect your wishes about the baby - I would not have her in the house as I would be worried what she'd do as soon as my back was turned. She isn't a friend.

SweetGrapes · 10/06/2010 11:15

Drop her like a ton of bricks. She's not being a friend.
Next time she says anything tell her she can do it her way when it's her child, this one is yours and you will decide. If she still argues, show her the door.

I have loads of friends who do things differently, I say it once or maybe twice but don't persist (and same thing back to me from them) and definitely don't go behind the mums back. She's no friend.

I'll be 39 when I have my third. Big deal.

StealthPolarBear · 10/06/2010 11:16

what????? MillyR!

EleanorHandbasket · 10/06/2010 11:17

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pigletmania · 10/06/2010 11:19

Dont have her so often, how rude of her. My friend who I have known for about 20 years is a little like this, not so much with care of my baby but general selfishness. When we picked her up from the train station she complained in the station that i dont make an effort to see her (i wonder why), and that i have another life apart from dd and dh and should make more time to see her. I try to keep a safe distance away from her, it helps that she lives in London and I in Milton Keynes.

Anniebee65 · 10/06/2010 11:20

OMG MillyR!

EleanorHandbasket · 10/06/2010 11:21

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BaronessBomburst · 10/06/2010 11:23

If your baby only licked at the banana, your 'friend' didn't introduce the first food, and HASN'T taken that away from you. My DS is nearly four months and licks everything - clothes, toys, sheets, us. Your baby won't even have realised the banana was food.

We're not weaning until at least six months either, I'm 38, and it will probably say on the jar of honey that it's not to be given to children under 12 months old. You are in the right, your friend is a idiot.

sanielle · 10/06/2010 11:23

jaabaar if you are sure that is the case I think it might be worth telling her you can't be her friend anymore...

Tell her at your age you couldn't possibly have the enerrgy for a baby and friends!

lovechoc · 10/06/2010 11:24

tell her to Foxtrot Oscar.

MillyR · 10/06/2010 11:29

Sorry everyone; I didn't mean to shock you! We moved when DS was two and I only bump into her rarely. It was a bit of a saga at the time but I did manage to have a lovely time with DS, and just didn't involve myself in her madness. So I think the OP could do the same and distance herself from this so-called friend.

potplant · 10/06/2010 11:34

'It really takes part of the joy away listening to all this comments.'

Don't listen to her then. Don't invite her round and don't take her calls.

Why do you put up with her?

bearcrumble · 10/06/2010 11:40

Jaabaar, you are very sweet and obviously don't like confontation but I think you have to protect your baby from this madwoman.

She knows jack shit about raising babies and has put your in danger of choking and botulism already - what next?

Don't let her in the house any more. If you don't want to tell her why just make up excuses like someone else said.

LadyintheRadiator · 10/06/2010 11:47

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

williewalshsballs · 10/06/2010 11:49

sometimes having children takes friends on different paths, and you may find that your friendhip has run it's course for now.

I recently told my goddaughter's mum to fuck the fuck off as she always winds me up. So I avoid mum (polite) but visit goddaughter and hope to maintain a strong bond with her.

tell her to go fuck a duck

williewalshsballs · 10/06/2010 11:53

millyr
what???? was she hallucinating about affair?

knackered76 · 10/06/2010 11:57

Maybe she has issues because she wants children herself or because she's jealous of your baby because it's changed the relationship you have. I found that since I've had children, those who don't don't seem to come around so often! Not that it's a bad thing, my best friend doesn't have any and we still have a nice time when we see each other, just not that often anymore. Don't be afraid to stand up for your baby.

You should point out the someone recently went to prison for killing a 9 month old feeding something the mum told her not to.

Suggest space as she clearly has a problem with you having a baby. If she is a real friend then she will realise how she has behaved is bang out of line and come crawling back. If she doesn't then it's one you have to write off, 20 years is a long time but you have much longer then that to live and you don't want a 'friend' like that making life difficult for you.

Sorry for the long reply, I tend to ramble

Original poster
jaabaar · 10/06/2010 11:59

thank you all for the comments.
Made me feel normal again!

Confrontation and discussion with her about these things are a big no no as it only leads to yelling from her side and acusing me. Which I find hard to deal with as it drives me even more nuts!

So I will just nicely, strongly say NO. ANd if she still does something I will repeat and say it is MY baby and I (and the father) CHOOSE. Advise is always welcome but not ORDERING and bullying!

Thanks again!

OP posts:
MillyR · 10/06/2010 12:07

WWB, I think she just said it as some sort of control thing. It seemed to me totally implausible that even if DH was having an affair, he would be choose her as the woman to have the affair with. I was more annoyed that she was in my house, on my phone, when I had actually phoned to speak to DH to ask him to bring scratch mitts or some other PFB requirement to the hospital. Anyway, she ran off with her teenage babysitter in the end, so she lost interest in involving herself in my life.

Sorry for thread hijack OP.

Angelcat666 · 10/06/2010 12:18

If you feel you can't speak to her then write her a letter. Make it clear that baby is your baby and what you say goes, no argument. Tell her if she can't respect you and abide by what you (and the father) want then the friendship is over.

Then stick the answerphone on (if you have one) and don't answer the door to her and ignore her for a while. It may just make her think.

williewalshsballs · 10/06/2010 12:23

jaabaar...it's probably easier to just tell her to fuck off. no need for all the lengthy explanations

MintHumbug · 10/06/2010 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doozie · 10/06/2010 12:36

If confrontation and discussion is futile with this loon of a woman, you do need to end contact with her or she will continue to make your life a misery and spoil what should be a fantastic time with your child.

If she is how you describe I can't see her heeding to your objections to her interference. She has totally ignored you so far. What is it about this 'friend' you like other than you've known her for 20 years?

Sincerely, good luck.

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/06/2010 12:40

A nice hard kick in the cunt bone should do it.

Seriously op, get rid of this nasty piece of work.

She clearly is not safe and cannot be trusted around your baby and the welfare of your baby comes before her feelings.

Honey in the under ones can cause boutilism(sp) which can lead to paralysis and then death. There have been 3 cases recently.