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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is very lazy?

132 replies

SoLongAsItsHealthy · 09/06/2010 11:37

Just received a "thank you card" from a new baby we recently sent a gift to. It was a photo made into a postcard and printed under the image was the line:

"Just wanted to say, thank you for my gift!"

Presumably they ran off a few dozen copies and job done.

AIBU to think this is very crass and that the parents could have penned a couple of sentences at least, referring to the gifts in question? I went to loads of trouble with what I bought and was looking forward to hearing what they thought of it. However, even if I had only spent a fiver on a rattle I would still expect a little personal note.

I almost think no card at all would have been better than this...

OP posts:
hormonalmum · 09/06/2010 14:23

maybe the dw in question delegated the task to her husband? my dh has no idea who bought what for any of our children. Therefore be thankful you got thanked.

right, must dash, dd2 is 5 weeks and I havent written all her thank you's yet.
what have I been doing??? oh yes, looking after her, her brother and sister and trying to sort breastfeeding. whilst managing on little sleep.

Wishes I had delegated to dh....

overlysentimental · 09/06/2010 14:26

DH's family and friends never got thank you cards for our wedding presents.

I did all my family, and our joint friends and told him he had to do the rest. I think he thought I'd be so ashamed eventually I would just give up and do them myself.

But I never did.

TulipsInTheSunshine · 09/06/2010 14:30

I hate thank you cards.... I much prefer giving and receiving thanks in person and feel it's the act of giving that's important not the gratitude.

I saw the most ridiculous card a few days ago. My mother had sent her neighbour's grandson crayons and a colouring book for his 1st birthday and she got a thank you card last week. It had a picture of the child holding the crayons and looking confused and a note inside 'written' by the 1 year old (ie: thank you for the present i really enjoyed it. Thomas the tank engine is my favourite... etc) accompanied by one of the pictures coloured in... clearly by an adult unless the one year old in question is a child prodigy of some kind

I purposefully don't put tags on gifts to avoid twee thank you notes coming in the door.

HelenFF · 09/06/2010 17:03

I do think you'd have more right to be annoyed if she'd sent nothing - but to get upset that it was not thanks enough seems a bit silly.

Mind you I'm not a big fan of thank you cards generally. When I was a kid and said thanks in person to my aunt and grandma, I never understood why they needed a letter too (hadn't I already thanked them?). No one on the other side of the family expected anything - thanks in person was enough for them (and similar my mum's nieces/nephews would never send thank you cards and my mum didn't care!), which added to the confusion. Plus being of the eldest of two, I had to write for both of us - my brother never had to write a single thing!

I'm a bit worried now as am due to give birth in a couple of weeks and don't have any cards in the house. Can't imagine it'll be high on my priority list when the little one is here, either. Will have to remember to get some next time we're out. Until this thread I might've thought some people would actually prefer a picture to keep!

MrsGangly · 09/06/2010 17:17

We are planning on getting postcards like the OP received when we have our baby in 7 (please let it be on time!) weeks.

I have always given presents to friends and family with newborns asking them not to worry about thank you cards. I figure they've got enough on their plate, but I do like it when they send a photo of the new arrival.

YABU

Lulumaam · 09/06/2010 17:19

cardinal sin here, only read the OP

YABU

I got 75 (!!!) gifts when DD was born. Drove myself mad hand writing cards , personalised to each person. Had done the same when had DS. i wish i'd spent those hours doing something lovely with my newborn..

a postcard with a picture type thingie is lovely, and if i get them , i keep them, as they are a lovely memory of friend/family babies

Janos · 09/06/2010 17:38

I can't believe someone would actually be offended about this.

It's not enough to say thank you..it must be done in the right way or else its offensive.

Bloody hell.

booyhoo · 09/06/2010 17:45

i have never received a thank you card for a baby, birthday or anything present. i thought i might have recieved one for the hand knitted bootees and mittens i sent to my cousin.

YABU, at least they sent cards. i always do but tbh i can never remember what everyone got me so yabu to expect a few lines about the presents.

Sugarmuppet · 09/06/2010 17:45

I wrote 59 cards while sitting by my babies bedside in SCBU because its something I have always been brought up to do...but was at hearing from a friend that another friend won't be giving my baby anything else because she hadn't recieved a thank you card while others did!! Think I did pretty well only to miss 1!!!

waitingforbedtime · 09/06/2010 17:52

YABU to think its lazy - at least you got a card.

However, I dont think youre being as insane as everyone suggests!

I did personalised TQ letters with a newborn who never slept but Im no better than anyone else - I didnt get dressed much for example!

I have to say, I am expecting dc2, I ver much doubt Ill have the time this time to do personalised letters.

Original poster
SoLongAsItsHealthy · 09/06/2010 18:08

Oh do give it a rest ladies.

I've accepted my unreasonableness, what more do you want? Hand-written notes???

OP posts:
muriel76 · 09/06/2010 18:09

YABU.

I think you are patting yourself on the back a bit for 'being nice' and 'having manners'

You need to chill a bit.

My friend is very much the same - she is a friend still - but I have to say when my dad died suddenly she ran a mile, as platitudes and twee cards did not cut the mustard then.

My friends who don't give a toss about thank you cards and that kind of thing (as they have better things to do) were the ones who rallied round. It didn't matter that they could not find the right words, they were just there.

Just my experience but you sound very much like my friend.

You did ask............

Original poster
SoLongAsItsHealthy · 09/06/2010 18:14

You're right Muriel, I am a terrible person, yuo've sussed me out. Indeed I did ask - please tell me IABU till the day I day, that'll teach me.

OP posts:
ChocolateMoose · 09/06/2010 18:15

When we had DS I was overwhelmed with how many people sent us presents, but I would not have had a clue who gave what afterwards if DH hadn't been organised and kept a list so we could send cards. For anyone else out there who doesn't conform to male/female stereotype about who is more organised about birthday cards, thank you cards etc., it worked very well as my brain was a complete fuzz. Took probably about 6 weeks to send them, mind. If it had been up to me alone, I'd probably just have sent emails.

Original poster
SoLongAsItsHealthy · 09/06/2010 18:16

The day I die, obviously.

Which apparently can't come soon enough!

OP posts:
Fibilou · 09/06/2010 18:16

For goodness sake, the OP has said she may be being U. Do you have to keep on at her ?

muriel76 · 09/06/2010 18:19

I only read the first page! Then I posted...is that allowed or WIBU?!

Sorry, you have obviously seen the error of your ways so please don't die.

Live long and prosper...

You'll thank us one day

Ps I did say she is a friend still....I am expecting my 2010 xmas card from her in the next week or two

IMoveTheStars · 09/06/2010 18:19

'different priorities'

ha, yeah, i'll say! I don't know anybody that would expect a thank you card for a present for a newborn!

YABU

muriel76 · 09/06/2010 18:20

I only read the first page! Then I posted...is that allowed or WIBU?!

Sorry, you have obviously seen the error of your ways so please don't die. Think of all the card shops that would go out of business! (JOKE)

Live long and prosper...

You'll thank us one day

Ps I did say she is a friend still....I am expecting my 2010 xmas card from her in the next week or two

ladysybil · 09/06/2010 18:22

i am a bit shocked by a rather odd thing here. i was brought up to believe that the birth of a baby was an event to be celebrated. no matter what else might be happening, congratulations and a gift were due to the new baby and mom if you were close to her. nothing more than a verbal thank you to ever be expected.
even if it was the lady who lived ten house down, whom you barely knew, or couldnt stand, or your families were mortal enemies, or any other such ridiculous situation, you still congratulated on the birth of the new baby, and give a gift. which is why i am so surprised at the number of people surprised at recieving gifts, and the few expecting anything more than a verbal thank you.

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/06/2010 18:22

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muriel76 · 09/06/2010 18:37

I won't accept the cake if that's ok.

I wouldn't have time to write the thank you note

lovechoc · 09/06/2010 18:38

I suppose it is really. YANBU

I've only JUST sent off thank you cards for DS 3rd birthday a few months ago to all our friends and also said thank you for all the gifts he has received so far since he was a tiny baby (because I didn't have the time or energy to do this in the early days) trying to kill many birds with the one stone!!

It is hard at the beginning and sending thank you cards was not something that I could have organised for friends and relatives tbh. That's why it's taken 3yrs for me to get round to doing it! Still, better late than never.

It's one of these situations where you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

We received a thank you from a friend who just had a baby and she sent a card but with a generic thank you message. No reference wasw made to the present we sent for her little one. Same with the wedding thank you too. No reference made to the present we gave them either. Is it just a sign of the times now???

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/06/2010 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lovechoc · 09/06/2010 18:40

I spent ages writing in each card with individual messages referring to each present that he had been sent and how much he is enjoying x y or z. It was all very personalised. But having said that, it's not something I have time to do very often so I put all my effort into it.