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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is very lazy?

132 replies

SoLongAsItsHealthy · 09/06/2010 11:37

Just received a "thank you card" from a new baby we recently sent a gift to. It was a photo made into a postcard and printed under the image was the line:

"Just wanted to say, thank you for my gift!"

Presumably they ran off a few dozen copies and job done.

AIBU to think this is very crass and that the parents could have penned a couple of sentences at least, referring to the gifts in question? I went to loads of trouble with what I bought and was looking forward to hearing what they thought of it. However, even if I had only spent a fiver on a rattle I would still expect a little personal note.

I almost think no card at all would have been better than this...

OP posts:

bleedingheart · 09/06/2010 13:06

I always write thank you notes and wrote individual cards when DS was born (it stopped me from just watching him sleep for hours on end). Most of our gifts were received by post, I was well aware who sent what and I wanted to acknowledge them. However, I don't give a kipppers if I receive a Thank you note in return, it's just something that matters to me to do (it's in my DNA!). I think YAB a little U as you did get an acknowledgement. I think if you've sent something by post, it's nice to have it's receipt acknowledged but a text/email/postcard is more than enough.

Sn0wflake · 09/06/2010 13:10

Ummm....I didn't do any thank you cards...said thank you. Your not very understanding tbh.

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 09/06/2010 13:11

"You give a gift as a one way act, or don't do it at all"
Absolutely, Morris.

To get pissy about the quality of a thank you card is most ungracious. I feel like swearing actually. And being ungracious

ChuckBartowski · 09/06/2010 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StayFrosty · 09/06/2010 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrackFox · 09/06/2010 13:17

I didn't send any thank you cards at all after DS2 . After being in intense pain combined with a fever for 2 weeks the doctors finally admitted there was something wrong and I was readmitted to hospital for 2 nights. My stitches were badly infected and I had an abcess.

Frankly I think I deserve a medal for looking after a newborn and a 3 yr old whilst going through all of that. If anyone is pissed off that I didn't send a thank you card they can fuck off.

Pootles2010 · 09/06/2010 13:19

I was always taught that criticising the manners of other was the worst type of rudeness.

Unfortunately by pointing this out i've made myself rude haven't i? Oh god its so hard being English sometimes.

Original poster

SoLongAsItsHealthy · 09/06/2010 13:23

Ok, MNters, I bow to your communal reasonableness. I am unreasonable to care about this. I got a card. They said thank you. I will continue to do cards myself as to do otherwise just feels wrong to me. I don't accept that the majority of new parents don't have the time to write them - evidenced by the fact that I have received loads of personal notes over the years. But I do accept that some people don't have the inclination to write them or they just just do things differently from me and thought this was a lovely idea. I am not looking to make anyone feel bad. But we all make our own private judgements on a daily basis - you lot have judged me in equal measure - and I am entitled to pose the question. It was an interesting survey.

Thanks

OP posts:

overlysentimental · 09/06/2010 13:23

People who send thank you cards after newborns quite frankly make me feel inferior and I think are just showing off about how well they are coping.

More oneupmanship and pressure to perform if you ask me.

If you want to know how the gift was received, RING YOUR FRIEND, ASK IF SHE'S OK, SHOW AN INTEREST IN HER BABY.

CrunchyNutCornflakes · 09/06/2010 13:27

"I'd rather not recieve a gift at all than for it to be some kind of test of my manners/ time management skills. "
Oh definitely. And when I send a gift I do it because I'm celebrating the birth of the baby and I genuinely hope the other person will like it. I'd hate to think of them stressing becuase they couldn't remember what I'd sent or were struggling to find the time to send cards.

CrunchyNutCornflakes · 09/06/2010 13:28

it's SPB by the way

Bellagio · 09/06/2010 13:38

OP- YANBU in my opinion. Like FIBILOU we had a note of who bought what and either me or DH jotted down on there whenever we received a gift. We then wrote and sent cards out bit by bit in the weeks that followed, we even popped a small photo in them. It really wasn't too taxing.
I admit that thank you cards are one of my "things" though. Each to their own but I just think it's good manners.
It wouldn't have taken much to scribble a line or two on the back of the card

starshaker · 09/06/2010 13:41

I dread to think what you would think of me. Im pregnant with twins at the moment and im pretty possitive that when they arrive the last thing that will be on my mind is writing thank you notes. The fact that i am a single parent will also mean i have no time. I love the idea of printed postcards and might look into setting up a template where all i need to do is add a photo at a later date then vistaprint them. I know my friends and family would appreciate this more than a few personal lines. I also know that in the few weeks after the birth i will be doing a lot of thanking and not just for gifts but for helping me out in anyway they can. The chances are when i do get into a routine and get some time i will try and have a girls night in where i can thank everybody for everything (and im sure ill end up thanking them for helping me arrange this aswell)

toccatanfudge · 09/06/2010 13:51

"My DD3 was born not long after Christmas (3 weeks) - I managed to get all the Christmas Thank You letter out before the baby was born."

yes but that was before the baby was born......

oh and OP - don't presume (unless you know this person fantastically well) that just because they had an easy delivery, and are out and about "doing stuff" that everything is fine under the surface. Some people are extremely good at putting on the "I'm coping really well" when underneath they're in pieces.

PansAndNoodles · 09/06/2010 13:52

Oh lordy! She wrote and said thank you. That in itself is a miracle these days.

I must admit I do like to receive a note it's true. I think that is good manners and I do feel somewhat if I don't get one.

But the style in which it is sent, the length or the content doesn't worry me. I'd have rather liked the photo. I think it's a nice thing to send.

toccatanfudge · 09/06/2010 13:54

"we had a note of who bought what and either me or DH jotted down on there whenever we received a gift."

oh blimey - I don't have a newborn - but even doing that now would be a waste of time, the piece of paper it was jotted on would be lost/eaten/turned into a paper aeroplane/forgotten about.

When I send gifts I'm quite happy with a "thanks" - whether that's via phone, text, email, face to face when I give it, I'm not bothered. So long as they acknowledge it I don't feel the need to recieve a carefully written thank you note saying how wonderful the gift was and how perfect it was..............for starters complete and utter waste of paper

Bumpsadaisie · 09/06/2010 13:58

It is perfectly possible to write thank you notes with a newborn if it is your only DC -I ordered some postcards with a picture of DD on and wrote a few lines in each one. I wrote one or two at a time for a couple of weeks. Wasn't a big deal. DD did sleep quite a bit.

Can see if newborn is actually DC2 or 3 it might be different though! Likewise if it is DC1 but they have colic or something like that.

As long as there was some acknowledgement of the gift, even a quick email, that would do.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 09/06/2010 14:01

OP, that's exactly what we did to thank friends and relatives when our daughter was born. I was rather busy with leaky boobs, feeding my daughter, dealing with the piles of nappies, lack of sleep and raging hormones. I actually don't give a crap if my approach to thanking them offending anyone.

MrsSchadenfreude · 09/06/2010 14:04

Are you one of my relations? Three days after I gave birth, I had my mother on the phone whining that "Auntie so and so says she hasn't had a letter from you to say thank you for the present she sent you."

Another elderly aunt and uncle came to see me, and said "We'll come for lunch!" Thankfully I had a freezer full of food. She rang me when I got home and said "Your Mum said I had to tell her if the house was a complete tip and really filthy. I said there was a bit of dust on the skirting in the hall but the rest of it looked all right!"

I did write thank you letters, eventually, but according to my mother they were all too short and not personal enough.

MyMamaToldMe · 09/06/2010 14:06

YABU. Your friend said thank you, what does it matter how she said it? Everyone does things differently. I have to say I am one of those that writes a card for every present received, but I don't know many people who do the same in return. So in all honesty, I would have been rather pleased to have the acknowledgement of the gift, however it was done.

KERALA1 · 09/06/2010 14:10

Your family sound like my inlaws Mrs S. They were were most unimpressed that they had to help themselves to drinks and lunch was not on the table when they visited the day after I got out of hospital with my PFB after having had an emergency c section.

When I receive a birth announcement and thank you card type thing am impressed - two jobs done in one. I received a fulsome thank you letter from an old friend who has a toddler, a newborn, mastitis and is living overseas with no family support. Really wish she hadnt bothered bless her.

CornflowerB · 09/06/2010 14:14

abrIde, I thought I was the only one who didn't like throwing out pictures of little children. One of my in-laws once ripped up a picure of my newborn daughter in front of me because she didn't like it saying, 'oh that's rubbish'. She had taken it herself alright, but I almost burst into tears. Same person makes a BIG THING about thank you cards so you can imagine my feelings on the subject. Very much agree that gifts and thank you cards are a personal thing, and you should do these things because you want to and not because you are expecting reciprocation. Although not saying thank you in any way or form is a bit rude, but if a parent with a newborn, then forgiveable. And why is it always the mums who have to do the thank you notes?
Also, you know, some people like writing thank you notes (because it makes them feel good); others find it torture (or it is when you're trying to get a small child to do it). I believe the only truly altruistic thing I have ever done in my life was sign my organ donor card and it wasn't a nice feeling.

cheesesarnie · 09/06/2010 14:18

maybe she didnt like the gift so didnt want to lie by saying for 'thankyou for the...' so just said simple thankyou.

are your babies similar ages?could this be start of severe competetive parenting?

Plopsie · 09/06/2010 14:18

YADBU, in face I think you're bring rather petty.

Fibilou · 09/06/2010 14:20

"People who send thank you cards after newborns quite frankly make me feel inferior and I think are just showing off about how well they are coping."

For fuck's sake ! Just because you have a chip on your shoulder about it why get arsey if someone manages to do it ?

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