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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

445 replies

firstaibu · 08/06/2010 23:55

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 09/06/2010 23:12

YABU. Sorry to be blunt, but however mature she is, however sensible she seems, something could go wrong and at seven, she is too young to cope with an unexpected and undiscussed emergency, a stranger calling, sudden illness etc

Also, what about you? If you are going to the supermarket, I assume you are driving? So what if you were to get into an accident and be unable to tell anyone you had a young child waiting at home??

I honestly think it's poor judgement, sorry

macdoodle · 09/06/2010 23:13

Independance is fine and good, am all for it, but 7 is just a bit too young IMO!

ifancyashandy · 09/06/2010 23:13

Manda, you child is far far more likely to be harmed / abducted by someone they know.

There are no more random child murders / abductions now than there were 50 years ago.

Manda25 · 09/06/2010 23:22

I have a 7 yr old but also have a 19 yr old who can boil a kettle AND catch a train all by himself (oh and work and live away from home at uni) .... and to think he manages all that even though I didn't leave him home alone for short periods of time till he was 9

Indeed they are ifancy... doesn't make it any less scary.

RedRedWine1980 · 09/06/2010 23:24

I wasnt left home alone at that age and I wasn't still attached to my mothers bosom as a teenager- I actually went away with friends etc at 16, moved out...I dont buy the argument if you aren't irresponsible with your child's safety then you are going to have a teenager who cant deal with the real world.

fidelma · 09/06/2010 23:25

YABU Madeline Mcann was left alone.7 is far too young.

ifancyashandy · 09/06/2010 23:40

Agreed Manda but the scare isn't realistic. I get scared at the thought of my DD doing anything without me. Doesn't mean I won't let her. I hope to be able to rationalise my fears.

Conundrumish · 09/06/2010 23:58

I wouldn't. DC1 is 8 and a couple of our peers have been leaving their children at home for a year if they are sick and they need to take the younger ones to school. Too young in my opinion.

abr1de · 10/06/2010 07:43

What on earth has MMC, aged THREE, left at NIGHT in an UNLOCKED room, got to do with this.

piscesmoon · 10/06/2010 07:52

' So what if you were to get into an accident and be unable to tell anyone you had a young child waiting at home??'

I don't believe it-yet another who wants the DC in the car crash with them!! Or do DCs in the car ward off car crashes?! I would far rather the 7yr old was a bit tearful at home and safe i.e. not in the car. I would be very disappointed if the 7yr old didn't have the gumption to ring someone.

The key is whether the 7 yr old is happy to be left. There is a vast difference between saying 'I'm not taking you to the shop-you must stay here' and the 'DC saying 'Do I have to come-can't I stay here?'

A 3 yr old left alone at night in an unlocked appartment has absolutely nothing to do with a 7 yr being left in daytime, in their own locked home with rules, at the end of a mobile, with neighbours and for a very short time!!

ErnestTheBavarian · 10/06/2010 07:52

may have been said before - no time to read through everything, but, of course, it depends on the individual child blah blah etc etc, but I wouldn't think twice about it and really don't see the problem. Skimming through, I am truly amazed how many people think even 8 or 9 is too young.

In Switzerland and Germany and many other countries it is normal and very strongly encouraged that children aged even 5 walk to kindergarten alone (without parents) or with friends. Mine did. If they can walk to kindergarten and school alone, they can play in the house/watch tv for a little while ok.

Ok, so in London there will be more traffic than in rural Switzerland so this might not be appropriate in every case, I understand this, but being in your own home is imo totally fine as long as the child knows and is able to follow basic rules.

My kids know how to get out of the house and call me on my mobile if there is a problem.

Too much fear and molly coddling imo.

Oh, and there never has been a problem btw.

piscesmoon · 10/06/2010 08:14

When I was 7 yrs old I took my 5 yr old brother, the 5 yr old from next door and the 5 yr old from across the road to school. We walked to the next village. I walked them home again. It was the norm. Parents would have been thought highly odd if they had said 'what if..... what if.....what if....
We never did get the 'what if... We crossed two roads, a level crossing and ended up a shortcut through the wood.It was a lovely walk-the sort you would do for pleasure.

MintHumbug · 10/06/2010 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsBreaLiomFion · 10/06/2010 09:45

Would not under any circumstances leave my 7yr old dd at home on her own. I could never live with myself if anything happened to her and thus would not be prepared to take the risk.

Takver · 10/06/2010 10:05

Quite funny timing, have just been reading 'Farmer Boy' by the author of the Little House on the Prairie books about her husband's early life.

His parents go away for a week leaving the 4 children (aged between 8 - 14) in charge of the whole farm, expecting them to milk the cows, make the butter, care for the crops etc.

IIRC in the Little House books Laura's parents also go away for a couple of days leaving Laura & her sister in charge of everything aged maybe 11 or so.

Not recommending this, but attitudes have definitely changed!

fathersday · 10/06/2010 10:11

i would not do this with my 7 year old, despite the fact she is extremely sensible, knows my phone number and is in fact probably a lot more use in a crisis than any other member of the family! I admire your calm approach though, I think I am too worried about my children all of the time and would love to let go and give them a bit more freedom. DD is 11 and has just started walking to school on her own, so that is a start! I think, I'll have to come down on the YABU side! Sorry. Not in any preachy way though, just to err on the side of caution as I think she may still be a bit young x

booyhoo · 10/06/2010 10:14

YABU. and by the way, how the hell can she open the garden gate when you have locked her in the house?

cant believe what some people think is OK.

booyhoo · 10/06/2010 10:17

"Manda, you child is far far more likely to be harmed / abducted by someone they know"

ifancyashandy you are right, but answer this, who is a child more likely to answer the door to when home alone, someone they know or someone they dont?

Original poster
firstaibu · 10/06/2010 10:45

booyhoo...how the hell she can open the gate is that it's the front door that is locked with a key; this is accessible only through the kitchen. The rest of the house leads to the living room, where there are patio doors into the garden. At the bottom of the garden is a gate, bolted on the inside, which she could open if need be. Sheesh!

I'm just reading through the latest replies and will answer points that haven't been made before. Thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 10/06/2010 10:48

thanks for making that clear. that makes you totally reasonable then

Limara · 10/06/2010 11:01

booyhoo, good point. I have 8yo DD and would never leave her on her own.

I don't agree with parents leaving their children in charge of other siblings either. If something horrible did happen to the younger sibling, how would the older sibling feel for the rest of his life?

Limara · 10/06/2010 11:02

'their' life

thesecondcoming · 10/06/2010 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
firstaibu · 10/06/2010 11:33

booyhoo I'm not implying that it makes me totally reasonable - I wouldn't have posted this as an aibu if I thought that. If you'd read my replies through the thread, I had explained the house layout before.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 10/06/2010 11:44

there are 9 pages of thread. i knew from your OP that yabu, i didn't have to read throuh all the rest of the thread to hear your justification of it.