to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

[firstaibu]

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

Is that not illegal??

I have a 7 year old and would never leave him at home or in car on his own.

I leave my nearly 8 year old at home from time to time. I took his lead on it so when he started asking, we started discussing it. That was not the point at which I started leaving him. Then as I'm sure is the case with the OP, we built it up very very slowly over the months. First I popped to the neighbours for a quick cup of coffee, and we worked up to me being away for about 20-25 minutes.

I would never leave him unless he specifically asked. I only leave him if he can tell me exactly what he will be doing (Wii, reading, TV are ok, nothing else is). I would never leave him with his brother (6rs) in case they had an argument, and would remind him of all the rules before we left. So far I have always let a neighbour know that I am leaving him though.

At the same age I was catching a public bus to school on my own, biking 2 miles to brownies every Thursday afternoon, and generally thoroughly enjoying the independence I was given. My brothers were at boarding school at 7.

You know your own child and specific risks best, and as long as it's not a spur of the moment decision to suddenly go out and leave them with no preparation, and if they are happy with the situation, then really YANBU. (but I appreciate I'm in a minority)

Far too young. My health visitor freaked when she phoned a home to check on a newborn to find out that the 9yr old brother had been left alone for a short time while his mum went to the shop. She called round to check that he was ok. He'd been told not to answer the door so when she persisted he panicked and ran out the back. She then called him and he ran screaming down the road saying that she was chasing him. Anyway luckily his mum showed up and got v defensive with the social worker. I know this is an unlikely scenario but don't do it.

Sayng that I let my 7yr old play out on the avenue with other kids and sometimes to the park 5 mins away with them. Often they are in and out of each others homes and gardens so i don't watch him all the time. So I suppose everyone has different perceptions of risk. We've discussed emergency situations with him and what he would do if I was ill as I was pg last summer. Theres just sthing about being in the house alone that would not sit well with me personally.

"Far too young. My health visitor freaked when she phoned a home to check on a newborn to find out that the 9yr old brother had been left alone for a short time while his mum went to the shop. She called round to check that he was ok. He'd been told not to answer the door so when she persisted he panicked and ran out the back. She then called him and he ran screaming down the road saying that she was chasing him. Anyway luckily his mum showed up and got v defensive with the social worker. I know this is an unlikely scenario but don't do it."

That HV seriously overstepped the mark.

I'm with Cory, Seeker etc. I probably wouldn't go for an hour (my dd is just 8 and wouldn't want to be left), but am quite happy leaving her for shorter periods.

Admittedly I don't worry about the 'stranger at the door' scenario because we have a very large & loud dog who doesn't like strangers in the house .

Cory, I have to say though re. your Swedish life-saving 12 year olds, that most of the 12 year olds I know here are working on their beach lifeguard certs - I think that might be a coastal rather than a UK/Sweden thing.

What a silly woman that HV was. Mine were left every morning for 20 minutes at that age and if I found out that an adult had been pestering at home and scaring him I'd have been furious.

Talk about making a problem out of nothing.

My mum once left me and my older sister at home on our own... I think she was def older than 7 and poss even me too... Anyway we managed to set alight the lounge bin by trying to light the fire with kitchen roll which we then threw still lit into the bin! I think we were generally quite sensible most of the time... kids can just be quite silly sometimes! i think 7 is way too young to be left home alone... couldn't she stay at a friends while you go shopping?

I would say it would be okay if you were just popping to the chemists for something or to see a neighbour for about 20 minutes. Nothing longer than that though. In theory something could happen, but if she's just sitting reading or colouring in then it's doubtful that the roof is going to fall in for the sake of a few mins. I wouldn't leave her to do a full shop though.

"She called round to check that he was ok. He'd been told not to answer the door so when she persisted he panicked and ran out the back. She then called him and he ran screaming down the road saying that she was chasing him."

Which is pretty much what he should have done if an unknown adult was trying to force his/her way into the house and grab him. Well done that boy.

Sorry YABU, and I am pretty laid back/let them do stuff/dont wrap in cotton wool type!

I think 7 is too young IMO, my DD1 is very sensible and mature and was even at 7, she will be 9 in Sept, and I have only just started leaving her for very short periods, max hour at a time!

And even then, the last time, she got scared because she heard a noise, luckily we live on a close with everyone playing outside, so she opened the door and stood chatting to our neighbour till I got back!

Felt terrible she got scared, 7 is too young !

Yes of course its what the kid should have done and I'm not siding with the hv. I suppose I meant that unpredictable situations arise everyday that kids can't be prepared for or deal with so they shouldn't be left alone.

I must admit I find this a bit of a bizarre thread. I do think 7 is too young to be left alone for an hour but part of me also remembers that I walked to school (about half a mile) on my own from the age of 6! and my brother got a tube across London on his own from the same age!

With this in mind I am trying to instill some independence in my DS - also 7 and hope that he will be walking to school on his own or with other kids that live nearby by the time he is 9.

I have left him on his own for 10 mins or so when I have been to my local shop (with the front door locked and back door to the garden open) and let my next door neighbour know that I am doing this as he can easily climb over to her house.

I do think an hour is far too long but I also think it is a good idea to give children a bit of independence and I think my DS is mature enough to be left for short periods.

Your 7 yr old sounds quite sensible, and you've obviously done some excellent groundwork about the rules. An hour sounds a little long, though - I find with mine that they're fine for a little while with TV, Wii, whatever, but then they get a little fidgety bored, which is where the trouble could start. How far you are from the house is another factor - I might go round to a neighbour for coffee for an hour, but not somewhere where it's 10mins or more to get back if they phone.

I know just what you mean about the tiresome begging in shops, but does she get pocket money? I started pocket money with my son around 7 and made sure it was a reasonable amount that could buy a comic or so, not just 20p, because then when he started the 'can I haaaaave it' whine in shops I could reply with 'I don't know, dear, can you? How much money do you have saved up in your wallet?'. Makes it not my problem then, and stops it being mean old mummy who said no.

So far, I've left my 10 yr old (then not quite 10) for two hours. Here in Switzerland the kids come home for lunch for two hours, but hubby and I wanted a day trip so I arranged for my 6yr old to go to a friend's and allowed my then 9 yr old come home, let himself in, eat his clingfilmed lunch, then go back to school again at 2. We were about an hour away but I had a neighbour on standby that he could go to if he got bored or lonely, and I rang him during lunch to check he was ok. He also sometimes comes home from school and lets himself in if I won't be back for half an hour for some reason or other.

My 6 yr old DD is left for 15 mins or so whilst I pop to the village shop. And on Monday she walked to school alone for the first time - she asked to do this in her best serious voice, 'because I know the way really well, Mummy, so won't get lost, and I'm very good about crossing the road'. Since she'd derailed the two main arguments (abduction isn't really in the public consciousness here and kids wander around alone all the time), I let her (it's about 5 mins walk, with one road with a pelican crossing). And even managed to not follow her all the way 50 yds behind :-)

This summer, I'm sure hubby and I will work up to putting the 6 yr old to bed and then leaving the 10 yr old in charge for an hour whilst we pop out into the village for a pint for an hour. I wouldn't put them both down to sleep and THEN go out, though - they would be very shocked to wake up and discover no-one was there.

And an added benefit to early independence is that they get themselves up at some godforsaken hour at the weekend, tip cereal in a bowl and watch cartoons until mid-morning without thinking to disturb you

The only thing I'll say is that my Mum did this a lot with me when I was the same age and I never got abducted. I also walked to school alone from the age of about 8-9ish. However, having said that, I probably wouldn't do the same with my own kids. Also, they were more innocent times... supposedly.

You know that if there was a power-cut your DD would have no phone available, don't you? What if there was a power-cut, and then she tried to phone your mobile and panicked?

It is all what if? What if!
DCs used to have freedom. When I was at school parents never did the school trip after infants. I lived in a rural area, I walked with friends from the age of 7yrs. Part of it was through a wood. I went to the village shop-this wasn't daring-everyone did it. In the summer we went out to play and came back for meals. There were no mobile phones-my mother didn't know where I was.
I admit to not giving the same freedom to mine, but I do think that DCs have lost so much. I think that people should at least think it sad.
There are people who still think it better to have DCs in a car crash with them rather than safe at home!!!

Personally, I wouldn't and just for all the 'what if's?'. It's really all the unexpected things that could happen that could be knocked out of the equation and list of things to do if this happens, or that happens.

I appreciate you posting this and opening up and interesting conversation. But I also have a sneaky feeling you are a tad uncomfortable with it. But, I don't think it makes you a neglectful parent.

Oh nooooooo. YABU.

Agree wholeheartedly with piscesmoon.

I walked to and from school from 6 yo, took a bus to my grandma (admittedly just a couple of miles and was put in the bus by my mother and picked up by granma), walked the dog etc etc.

There are serious concerns ie traffic etc-so I agree that perhaps if you live in an urban area you might not want to let your kids wander alone til you're sure they know how to cross the road safely etc- but I can't believe people arepanicking about living a 7 yo at home for a short time. Unless your kid is immature for his/her age.

You might not even get out of bed in the morning and an aeroplane could crash into your roof! Life is a risk. DCs need to learn how to deal with risk-gradually.
I am very thankful for the Scouts. They gave DS a knife-they took him to casualty for stitches to his hand and they took him on camp the following year and gave him a knife.
The Scout association are one place that they get adventure and take controlled risks. By 15 yrs he was on Dartmoor, in a group, with no adult-only a contact number. It meant that by the time he was 18yrs he could cope with being away from home.He also did university open days on his own-he caught trains-got 200miles away and back on the same day.

I was frequently left on my own from about 7 or 8. I used to come home from school on my own from the age of 8. I LOVED having the house to myself. Me and friends used to cycle on our own to the next towm (about 8 miles away) from the age of 8 and we used to take ourselves to the swimming pool every week at about the same age. And we were down the rec all blimming summer!

Yes, I got flashed at in the local park when I was about 10. It made me laugh. We knew who the local loony men were - and knowing made us keep our distance. I was also flashed at at the age of 14 by my school gates and (while I would never suggest this is a required part of education), the fact it wasn't the first time meant I knew how sad the bloke was and managed to steer a load of baby first years out of harms way. Aged about 12, I got stopped and offered a lift by a stranger. I knew it was dodgy and it made me run like fuck the wind. I had learnt to trust my instincts.

My dad used to take himself from South London to West London on the train every day for school. From the age of 6.

I know of kids today that, aged 11, are too scared to pay for something in a shop. I once asked a 10 YO to pop to the shop for me (no roads to cross) and she looked completely terrified. She didn't go of course. She is now 12 and still hasn't been out on her own.

When my DD is older (currently 2yo) I will absolutely be allowing her the same freedom I was given.

Yabu

7 is too young to be left alone to go to the shops and be an hour+ as anything could happen to you

popping round to see neighbour is different.

Meant to add - all the bad things happened out of the house, not in it. Nowt bad happened at home (well, apart from my singing along to me parents Streisand records as no-one else was in to hear me!)

With stuff like this going on on your door step it is hard to let your kids go

www.thisiscroydontoday.co.uk/news/Breaking-news-Police-operation-New-Addington-amid-rumou rs-abduction/article-2287768-detail/article.html