to not want my PILs to take DS out for the afternoon?

[DewinDoeth]

He's nearly 2.
They want to take him to the zoo, but he's never been before, and I want to be there too (they want time alone with him, and they want me to 'enjoy myself' without him). Also the Zoo isn't 5 minutes away, it's more like 1 hour. I don't let anyone take DS more than 20 mins away from me (except maybe DH but I can't think of an example though). I'm really silly like that, but there's no need - and I won't enjoy my time at home/at work if I'm worried.
I don't go out or anything and don't spend much time away from him, although I do work (15 mins away! ) and think that on the weekend, I want to spend time with DS.

I know I'm silly, but he's only a baby once. Plus I have major paranoia and a vivid imagination of things happening when I'm not there and I would not be able to do anything, and would never ever forgive myself.

He doesn't see them very often because they live the other side of the country. They have never babysat him or spent any time alone with him.
MIL 'doesn't do nappies'.
PIL is a 'traditional' man and doesn't do anything mundane so he wouldn't change a nappy. (What I'm saying is that's just the way he is and I'm not arguing - I don't agree, it's not the way it is in our house.)

Finally, and this is the big one, DS doesn't speak English, and PILs don't speak anything else.
They are very annoyed and 'saddened' that DS doesn't speak English, but he will learn it in time. The language of our home (my DH included) is not English.

AIBU and how do I get around this without being (a) mean, because of course they want to spend time with their DGS, and I'm not trying to stop them, but there are practicalities...
and (b) racist on the language issue.

I don't think you're being over protective at all! Hes your son, and i agree with the suggestion to perhap go with them, or why don't they take him somewhere close to you? Anglesy is a lovely Area and if they live far away there will be plenty more local attractions for them surely?
Well done to your dh by the way- mine born and bred in wales and can't understand a word of welsh.
For those arguing that op is bu for not using english it has to be said that it is almost impossible to grow up in wales and not learn english- even if you have a solely welsh speaking family/community. I applaud the op for her efforts re her sons first language. As she has said earlier, in wales english does have the potential to undermine welsh as a language, and her ds will inevitably pick up fluent english regardless. (Not that i am in anyway insinuating that learning english is bad- of course it isn't, but its ops priority that her son speak welsh first and foremost because she is in a majority welsh speaking area)

TSC sometimes you sound like a complete cow and very aggressive! and I say that as someone who has agreed with you on plenty of previous threads.
Dewin Doeth rwyt ti'n bod ychydig bach yn afresymol on rwyn deall yn union ble ti'n dod o o rhan siarad dy famiaeth gyda dy blentyn

TSC I take anything you say about in laws with a huge pinch of salt given some of the threads you have started in the past about your MIL.I think one referred to her incontinence problems as I recall. Would you be keen for this incontinent derranged old bat as I think you have in the past called her take your DC's an hour down the road for a day out? Give the OP a break FFS we are all precious about something

YANBU in this situation not to want them to go to the zoo.

however, YABU not to be trying to cultivate a situation where you will feel comfortable with this.. start with little steps.. go to the zoo with them then have a coffe for half an hour and leave them to it. or let them go somewhere much closer.

the language thing is not the crux of the matter imo but the lack of a strong relationship between DS and the GP is a shame and should be rectified gently and carefully.

Secondcoming I believe it is you who is deranged. Or perhaps you can't read?
Changed him twice? WTF? Where exactly did I say that? She has never changed him.
Eaten by a lion - of course I am kidding. How weird are you if you think I was serious?

Not being able to communicate/not giving him food and drink unless he asked: HE SPEAKS A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE TO THEM. That's the point here.

Now, can I also suggest you look up the word deranged in a dictionary? I know what it means (despite being second language) and nothing in what I posted matches the meaning of deranged.

Have read second post by Secondcoming about ear infection etc, so will be slightly more merciful. But still, deranged? I'm not having it.

Dewin beth yw'r gair Cymraeg am deranged ys gwn i ?

RhAYLlYCh (!! ROFL) Hobnobs!

Falle dyle ni ddechre grwp Mumsnet Cymraeg i gael siarad a unrhyw un cymraeg fan hyn!

I think it's sad that your son can't talk to his grandparents. Presumably they are old and it will be difficult for them to get to a level of proficiency whereas if your DH spoke his mother tongue to your son he would grow up with both languages as my sister's children have. If he is going to attend a Welsh speaking school, at what age do you anticipate he will be able to communicate with your PIL?

I think YABVU about all of it

He'll be communicating with PILs age 3 probably. Soon - depends on his rate of language acquisition. I could speak English most definitely by the time I was 3 1/2 (I remember that far back).
PILs are not that old; they like to keep active and do stuff and are always going on holiday to places.

I do wonder though whether some of the problem with this is that the language is Welsh. If I had said we were living in, say, Italy, and he's only learning Italian, and will be going to an Italian school, would it be as much of a problem?

Hobnobs beth am gychwyn un ar y bwrdd trafod dwyieithrwydd? Neu...a dyma syniad...ofyn i'r rhai sy'n rhedeg y sioe gychwyn bwrdd trafod arbennig??? (Syniad rhy ryfedd, efallai!) Mae yna ddipyn ohonom ni o gwmpas.

Dewin I agree I actually think if it was just about any other language people wouldn't have been half as rude! Syniad da fe fyddai'm braf cael 'cwrdd' a siaradwyr eraill!!

We too are raising our child in two languages. I use English as my grasp of the other langugage is basic, but improving, I am pleased to say. DH speaks pretty much only to DS in the other language. I am also trying to use more as my understanding improves.
DS mainly communicates in English, however he clearly understands the other language and some times will only communicate through it. Our community etc is also not English speaking as a rule - hence me learning fast!
His education will be through the minority language. I am sure we are using the same language you are bach.
People from my home country still can't quite grasp that we have chosen to educate our child in a language other than English. Apparently, they really don't need another! Drives me batty! My parents were initially very fearful that they woudn't be able to communicate but they have come around and have learnt the 'key phrase' list as I call it - does make life easier.

As to the main subject: If your son doesn't know his grandparents and they won't 'do' nappies - it doesn't sound ideal. I would suggest an activity that you can all do.

The impression I am getting is that the GPs have been quite dismissive of the OPs first language and don't see it as having any value, despite the fact that the OP lives in a welsh speaking community and it is also advantageous from a career point of view to speak it. OP is not U to speak her own lang in her own country to her own child. Maybe I'm wrong, but there seems to be a feeling that GPs are entitled to have access to grandchildren without the parents being present, regardless of whether the parents are comfortable with this. If the mum doesn't want it,for whatever reason, then she shouldn't feel like she has to go against her instincts. GPs have had their own DCs, to raise as they thought was best and the parents should also be able to do what they feel is best without being made to feel pfb ish about it.
Apologies for rant. have also had tricky IL relationship (perhaps you can tell )

Siilk join Hobnobs and I on another thread for Welsh speakers? Will start one in Bilingualism.

Just done it!

Dewin, I don't think YABU, and I applaud yur DH for learning the language.

I've always struggled with languages, being partly deaf, so anyone speaking more than one language is always applauded by me!

I havent read all of the replies but I will give my opinion

I think YABU I also do not belive a 2 year old is a baby anymore.

You can voice your concerns to your MIL about the nappies see what she says, but the no longer than 20 mins away thing to me is very OTT.

I would also love to know how it is racist to wish to speak to your grandchild? I am in a unique situation to actually understand this as I chose to NOT bring up my children bilingual (and yes I know all the research before any of you say so however by the time I had my first child I had not spoken my native tongue regularly for 7 years it was a hard thing todo and I chose to stop) My parents can not speak with their grandchildren and that OFTEN gets brought up when they phone to see how we are (they are in Denmark) It is not rasism it is grandparents wishing to communicate with their grandchildren.

You say you wish to see your sons face the first time he goes to the zoo why? You will get so many other first why cant PIL have that first one? They are interested in spending time with their grandson. your son will enjoy it the 2nd time you go to the zoo too and he will have first you wont be there for it is good for our children to experience things without us around..

Well I suppose ILs are sad that their grandson doesn´t yet speak English if it is their & his father´s first language.

Mae 'na edefyn Cymraeg yma yn rhywle... Arhoswch eiliad, mi a'i i chwilio...

Dyma fo!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/language_bilingualism/935386-Edefyn-Cymraeg-Welsh-language-thread

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